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... on my second day when he told a delivery guy to "take that green thing out of his office before it starts photosynthesizing." His exact words.

So, naturally, I decided to gift him one.

It wasn’t real, of course. I’m not that irresponsible — what if I accidentally killed it and he blamed me for botanical manslaughter?

No, this was war, not a gardening class. I went with a plastic aloe vera I found in the clearance bin of a decor shop. Slightly shiny, slightly crooked, and ...

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