Maybe a Fake Gintama - Chapter 581: Combining Completely Unrelated Things Can Have Unexpected Effects

After mistakenly contributing all of his attribute points to the drop rate, Xiao Shi found that every time he killed, he would get an item.

Slapping a mosquito to death, drop a pill.

Killing an evil spirit, drop a secret book.

Slashing a martial artist to death, drop the opponent’s cultivation tips.

….

When killing, Xiao Shi was shocked… “How did I become invincible?”

During the Chunin Exams, a mysterious screen hijacks Konoha's arena, broadcasting the shinobi world's most shocking secrets, pivotal future events, and utterly embarrassing moments, sending Kages, legends, and genin alike into a hilarious frenzy.The air crackles with anticipation during Konoha's Chunin Exams. Genin face off, crowds roar... and then, BAM!A gigantic projection screen materializes out of thin air above the packed arena, silencing everyone. This is not on the schedule. Before anyone can react, it flickers to life, broadcasting scenes that should never see the light of day.Get ready for reactions that rewrite history (and dignity):Mei Terumi (Fifth Mizukage): *Eyes widening, then narrowing suspiciously*: “Hold on... Madara Uchiha's 'invincible' fire style... extinguished by a Water Barrier? Is this some kind of advanced Genjutsu prank, or did someone seriously just splash water on the apocalypse?”Ōnoki (Third Tsuchikage): *Clutching his lower back*: “My aching joints! And the screen says I'm going to willingly ride atop the Fourth Raikage like some kind of... decrepit flying squirrel?! Preposterous! My back couldn't take that speed!”A (Fourth Raikage): *Face turning purple, with veins popping* :“WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! STOP LOOPING THE FOOTAGE OF MINATO MAKING BEE LOOK LIKE A FOOL! TURN IT OFF! BEE, IF YOU START RAPPING TO THIS, I SWEAR I'LL LARIAT YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!”(Nearby, Killer Bee subtly starts beatboxing under his breath, yo!)Hiruzen Sarutobi (Third Hokage): *Sweating profusely as Kushina Uzumaki glares daggers from the stands, holding a spectral frying pan*: “K-Kushina, my dear! That scene where Naruto painted the Hokage Monument... again... it was taken completely out of context! He was... expressing youthful exuberance! Yes! And I definitely didn't bribe him with ramen to clean it up! Please, listen to reason... and put the ethereal kitchenware down?”Danzō Shimura: *Eyes colder than ice*: “Exposing Root operations? Revealing my contingency plans... or lack thereof in that particular future? Unacceptable. This screen poses a threat to Konoha's stability. It must be... Eliminated Permanently.” (He discreetly signals an Anbu who immediately bowed).Uchiha Madara (From an undisclosed location, sensing a disturbance in the Force... err, Chakra) : “An unseen hand manipulating the narrative? Revealing destiny's secrets before their time? Insolence! Who dares play director with my grand stage?!”From Kage summits gone wrong to legendary shinobi's secret guilty pleasures (did Jiraiya really wear that?), the screen reveals all.The entire shinobi world watches, mouths agape. Hidden truths are dragged into the sunlight, future tragedies are foreshadowed, alliances tremble, and enemies start taking very detailed notes.One question burns hotter than Amaterasu: 'Who is behind this chaotic broadcast, and what earth-shattering secret will they expose next.'

So-called Taisu pulse is a form of physiognomy, which can discern nobility and lowliness, foresee auspicious and ominous events, predict misfortune and fortune. Good sir, do you dare to let me feel your pulse? One pulse reading is worth a thousand gold!Look, making money is so easy, isn't it?Ah, phooey!Living two lives, Qin Liuxi's ideal is always to get by without striving for advancement, because in the world, there are always those who are willing to be lazy and not seek progress, and she is fit for such worthless tasks!But when a whole family shows up miserably and pitifully in front of her, Qin Liuxi's days as a slacker are over.Faced with the precarious Qin family in a state of distress, a maid beggar with an empty money box asking for business, Qin Liuxi has no choice but to shoulder the duties of the eldest lady, managing the household, supporting elders, and child-rearing!Qin Liuxi: I clearly got the script as a slacker, who switched it up?A cousin who questions her existence after being scolded by the eldest lady: I feel like the big sister looks at us like we're trouble!Qin Fourth Young Master, who was beaten and taught a lesson by the eldest lady: Be bolder, remove the feeling!Qin Fifth Young Master, who was lectured into a state of introversion by the eldest lady, solemnly counts on his fingers to answer questions about what the big sister is useless at: She can exorcise demons and ghosts, read faces and draw charms, heal and save people. Oh, which one did you ask about?Later, someone asked Qin Liuxi, if life could start over, what would her dream be?Qin Liuxi remained silent for a long time: To not strive for progress and to live for a hundred years!

In her previous life, she had given everything for him and helped him step by step to become a great minister, but she was not as good as her good sister who slept with him.

When the gentle and loving husband took her life, she realized that the love she thought was as deep as the sea was a joke.

To the end with hatred, Lu Xiang cursed angrily, wanting to let the person who wronged her and harmed her have a terrible death…

Opening her eyes again, she returned to the year she was fourteen years old. She had the same life, but she returned with hatred in her heart.

…

The night was dark and the wind was high, Lu Xiang picked up Chu Jinyan who was hunted down and seriously injured, his eyes sparkled.

“Hey, golden thighs!”

So without further ado, he dragged the person into his room to hide.

“As the saying goes, life-saving grace should be promised with your body… Ah, no, I will repay you with the spring, I saved your life today, and you have to promise me three requests in the future.”

Chu Jinyan: “???”

He doesn’t really want to be rescued…

Later, Chu Jinyan patted his thigh and hooked his fingers: “My concubine, come, I’ll give you my lonely thigh.”

***

She: insidious, deceitful!

Him: despicable, shameless!

Passerby A: So they are a match made in heaven?

Passer-by: Bah, that’s called working in collusion!

- Description from novelbuddy