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... I’m now a nine-year-old brat named Diablo Eviar.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate how ridiculous that is.

I mean, me?

A nine-year-old?

It’s almost laughable.

Blonde hair, cerulean eyes, a face that could make any child modeling agency line up to sign me.

’And a body so weak I’m surprised it hasn’t crumpled under its own weight yet.’

Honestly, it’s embarrassing. Who designed this meat sack?

The stamina is atrocious. Just walking fo ...

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