Two and Half Men - Reborn as Jake Harper - Chapter 4: Three Men and a Jackpot

I found myself in a parallel universe, awakening as a male priest. Everything seemed perfect; after all, as a healer, specializing in aiding women should pose no issue, right? However, I couldn’t help but wonder about some peculiar spells in my repertoire.

Firstly, what in the world is the “Instantaneous Outbreak of Acute Gastroenteritis” spell? And don’t even get me started on the “Osteoporosis” spell. What purpose could these serve in my healing endeavors? The confusion only deepened with spells like “Blood Burn,” “Gradual Freeze,” and “Mental Chaos.” Can I still peacefully focus on healing women with such ominous abilities?

Comparing my spells to those of other professions, I couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast. Mages wield “Doomstorm” and “Ice Age,” swordsmen boast “Sword Rain: Homecoming” and “Wind-Cutter Slash,” while archers showcase “Arrow Rain: Shooting Stars” and “Storm Arrow.” Yet, my ultimate spells are disturbingly named “Cancer Cell Proliferation,” “T-Virus Infection,” and “Rabies Outbreak.”

In the midst of it all, a certain character, some crying girl, laments, “Noooo, I just took a bath, who would have thought that I would become infected!”

Meanwhile, a villain chillingly asks, “Do any of you know what it feels like to burst apart while spouting blood? No! You don’t know!”

Even a boss character confesses, “Dear family, who can understand? I just took a nap, and when I woke up, I suddenly found that I have no kidneys!”

Warning: This is a rewrite of my previous fanfic— Every Hole is a Goal.Current World: Avatar: The Last Airbender***Executed for escaping his owners, Nik met a relieving fate of beheading with the circumstances of his corpse unknown yet having an honorable end of his corpse is not his greatest concern for he is given a chance at life again. Of course, this meant Nik now worked for an organization that sent individuals like him throughout the omniverse for some reason unknown to him.As they say, if for the penny, in for the pounding.Nik: Wait... I'm not a prost... ehm, rental 'helper' anymore. Do I still charge?An adventure of a lifetime, they say. One that never ends.***Note:1) I don't own any original lore.2) This is the most standard 'collection' type harem novel you will ever see, so, if this is not your taste... well, give it a shot still and see if whether the other aspects of fanfic can cover them or not.3) All the characters I write smut about will be 18+. I will make sure to tweak the fanfic a bit in that way to make sure that the story itself adapts to these circumstances.4) If tags like an orgy and incestuous relationship are not your cup of tea, then... this may not be the 'one' fanfic for you.5) If men and women of sexual 'socialness' more commonly termed as floozy and even more degenerative terms most likely known to you all is not your cup of tea, then I apologize once again, this fanfic may not be the 'one.'6) There is no ntr, but there may be netori.

Zheng Nianru went from being a Commandery Princess who could be killed at any moment to the position of the Empress Dowager, wielding power over the world. What she couldn't accept was that she didn't end up with a good fate. However, Zheng Nianru thought that no one would have been able to save Nanzheng State.Yet, she was reborn and, having deeply reflected upon her pain, also considered several past mistakes. Firstly, she should not have married down into the family of Ju Nanyi, a man with a narrow mind who came from a minor house, who only thought about romantic affairs and entangled with her in desperate affection, incapable of assisting Nanzheng. Secondly, she should not have killed everyone in Qiandao Temple, which was the spiritual pillar of the people of Nanzheng State. After all, there were better ways, weren't there, like seduction? Thirdly, she should not have been so confident that the monarch of the neighboring country would fall at her feet, nor should she have trusted the promise of that fickle neighboring monarch, which led to years of drawn-out conflict between the two states.Um, Zheng Nianru felt she was not wrong. She just wanted to live well and to be a good Empress Dowager. Since she had the chance to live again, why did she have this chance? Could it be that she was expected to once again turn Nanzheng State upside down?

This is the 40,000th year that the Empire has ruled the Milky Way. The glory of the Great Crusade has long been lost in the dust of history. Su Yu traveled through time and opened his eyes to see the ruined planet in front of him, with a confused look on his face.

On this planet, there are extremely dilapidated war machines that stretch for thousands of kilometers, alien behemoths whose roars can shatter mountains and rivers, and radiation that can cause further damage to the surrounding environment just by moving. Alien beast——

There is everything here except hope.

Regardless of whether he wanted to or not, Su Yu, who had struggled to survive for three years and was inevitably infected with radiation sickness in the end, seemed to be one of the desperate people.

Until his career panel, which allows for unlimited career changes, was finally opened.

“Ding!”

“It is detected that the host has met the prerequisites. Do you want to take up the occupation [Mechanic]?”

“After completing this profession, you can gain professional experience and improve your professional level from daily maintenance, recycling, and assembly of mechanical creations. With each upgrade, you can gain an increase in physical fitness…”

Looking at the old gun parts piled up in his repair room, Su Yu’s eyes lit up like never before!

Many years later, at the core of the empire, at the highest point of the Terran world, the mechanic from the Ruined Star, the Ghost Shadow Blade of the Dead Wasteland, the restarter of the Titan Weapon Plan, the Governor of the Broken Star Territory, the Lord of Mechanical Ascension, the Supreme Throne of the Forge World, Su Yu looked at the torrent of steel coming from below and waved his hand to give the order!

[Our goal is to make the (second) (crossed out) empire great again! 】

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