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... pected side quest—turns out I’ve got some rogue breast nodules setting up camp in my chest and armpit like they pay rent. (Spoiler: They don’t.)

So now I’m in the "joyful" process of hospital queues, scans, and trying not to fall down the "Dr. Google Symptom Rabbit Hole of Doom." (We’ve all been there. Why does the internet always suggest the worst possible scenario? "Headache?" BRAIN TUMOR. "Stubbed toe?" AMPUTATION IMMINENT.)

Am I low-key convinced this is cosmic payback for al ...

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