Abyssal Awakening-Chapter 901: Empty Shell Of Desire

"Would you care to humour me for a moment?" Astrelya suddenly spoke, surprising Ria.

Raising an eyebrow, she dismissed her experiment and turned to the Abyss Lord who’s kept her captive all this time.

"If you want me to do some jester crap, sorry to disappoint but I’m not exactly known for making people laugh." Ria scratched her cheek but Astrelya shook her head.

"No, I simply want to converse for a moment. For now, ignore the fact that I am a Lord. Can you do that?"

"Will you kill me if I do?" Ria asked.

"Do I look like that kind of person?"

"You do."

Astrelya simply shrugged.

"Fair enough. But I’ve kept you alive all this time have I not? So humour me for a moment and ignore the fact that I am a Lord for now."

Ria folded her arms.

In the first place, there’s not much she could do.

Therefore, she reluctantly nodded her head.

"Fine, what do you want?"

"I want your honesty. You see, in the past I had a friend I cared a lot about. She had... many choice words for how I am as a person. Therefore, I want to hear another perspective. What do you think of me as a person?" Astrelya smiled.

Ria let out a deep sigh and folded her arms.

She leaned her head back and stared at the sky.

"You still desire that death by glory don’t you? To die in the heat of battle where your opponent focuses solely on you, right?" Ria asked as Astrelya nodded her head.

"It has and always will be my goal. To die in that satisfa-"

"Can you really call that satisfaction though?" Ria looked at Astrelya dead in the eyes.

She has seen too many like her in the cult.

Too many lusting after battle, after adrenaline.

"Of course I am. In that transcendent moment, there is only me and my opponent. The moment where nothing else matters in the world, I yearn for that feeling." Astrelya closed her eyes but Ria shook her head.

"But that moment can be gained with other-"

"I sought your opinion of me as I am. I think that goes beyond an opinion, that’s advice. Don’t you agree?" Astrelya cut her off, causing Ria to crease her brows.

"Fine then. You are exactly the type of person I hate the most. A selfish being who only thinks of herself.

"You don’t care who or what gets crushed so long as the moment brings you enjoyment. You don’t weigh the consequences, the aftermath, the lives spent in that moment. If something amuses you, you do it.

"If it bores you, you discard it. It’s just selfish indulgence without the effort. You stripped away everything that makes the ’moment’ feel worth it. Then when you feel the emptiness that comes from your actions, you don’t seek the issue within.

"You project it out and blame the world you live in. You blame the fact that people can’t give you entertainment even though you reject the foundations of reaching that moment." Ria spat out without hesitation.

"You’re just a baby throwing a tantrum because the world won’t go your way. Screaming for attention, thrashing around and simply put, a f*cking nuisance."

Astrelya’s eyelid twitched for a moment but Ria continued.

"And when facing a nuisance, who would give them the time of day? It’s just another chore to do. Another annoyance to deal with. There is no transcendent moment of understanding, no utopia.

"You ask me what I think of you? I think of you exactly as that. A nuisance. Annoying and pitiful. Someone, despite with so much power, doesn’t understand humans and the world you live in.

"All you seek is sensation. There is no purpose, no chance of understanding. Just an empty shell of desire and a hollow pit for attention.

"You will be alone till the day you die and no one will give you the attention you desire so much."

As Ria finished her evaluation of Astrelya, silence dawned on them.

The Lord stared at Ria silently while Ria stared back. She didn’t avert her gaze, she simply saw Astrelya for who she is.

For a long moment, nothing happened.

Then Astrelya leaned back and stared at the sky.

She contemplated Ria’s words.

"Even if I were to kill everyone you know and love, would that still not earn me the utopia I desire? In that instant, don’t they focus their rage towards me?" Astrelya glanced down but her head continued to face the sky.

"Rage yes." Ria nodded. That she could not deny.

However...

"But not acknowledgement."

". . ."

"That moment you desire, the mutual respect as both combatants give everything they got in a battle to the death. There is acknowledgement and respect in that. If there is only rage, then it’s just another battle without satisfaction." Ria shook her head.

She hated Astrelya, the very type of human that the Eclipse would love.

But at the same time...

There is a sense of pity in her heart. Pity that the person in front of her was simply an empty shell.

She couldn’t even be called a person.

Just a slave of adrenaline.

A pitiful slave.

"Can you really be satisfied with such a death? A death where you are forgotten. Simply because you are a nuisance that doesn’t deserve a second glance."

Astrelya closed her eyes.

"The evaluation is a little different from the past. Though I suppose it’s also similar in a sense. Maybe you are right and I won’t be satisfied with such a death. But am I not also the most honest towards my desires? I live without lies or false justification. I live for whatever makes this heart of mine beat." Astrelya grinned as insanity radiated from her smile.

But Ria continued to stare at her with pity.

Astrelya’s smile faltered.

There’s no need for Ria to say anything else.

Ria turned away, focusing back on her own experiments.

Astrelya opened her mouth, wanting to say something.

Then...

She stopped herself.

Her smile slowly faded.

What could she even say? What could she refute?

Ria didn’t deny that she was being honest.

No... That was her main point.

Astrelya contemplated her final words.

Could she be satisfied with such a death?

Forgotten after the battle.

Astrelya furrowed her brows.

This was the first time she’s felt such a sensation in her chest.

It was unfamiliar...

But not in a good way.

It didn’t feel the same as the thrill of battle.

Annoyance? Not that either.

Was it anger? No, this feeling didn’t burn like anger.

It was a suffocating coldness that strangled her heart.

Not the fear of death or pain, such notions held no meaning to her.

It rooted itself deep in her heart, refusing to disappear.

Not remembered as a rival...

Not acknowledged as someone worthy of such attention...

A nuisance. Erased from memory, dismissed and ignored as noise.

Astrelya’s veins bulged, her chest tightened.

What value did her glorious end hold if this was the result?

If someone could kill her of all people, shouldn’t she be worthy of a tale far grander?!

Where was the ecstasy if all her opponent gave her was indifference!?

Her eyes slowly turned bloodshot.

This feeling that stabbed at her chest.

She didn’t know what to do with it.

"Rage yes. But not acknowledgement."

The words echoed in her mind.

She recalled the battles of the past. From the smallest skirmishes, akin to crushing an ant to the largest wars.

Yet not once... Was there the so called acknowledgement that she desired.

All she was... All she is... Is an icon of fear. They feared her but none truly acknowledged her presence.

There was no glorious battle.

As Ria said, just another chore to take care of.

But as she thought of this, she came to a realisation.

She was never treated as such in the past. Even though... She was the same as she is now, true to her own desires... She was accepted for it.

Acknowledged.

Even with all of her quirks, her friend accepted everything. She joked, she laughed.

There were times when they argued, when her antics would go beyond the line and she would be lectured.

But at the end of the day, they were still friends.

Astrelya held her hand over her chest.

She realised what this feeling was.

Fear towards the emptiness that would follow. If she fails to leave a mark.

There will be no understanding between her and her opponent. No glorious final battle that brings the height of ecstasy to her soul.

She could already picture it. The moment of her death, the indifference in her opponent’s eyes as they walk away.

For the first time, Astrelya was feeling the fear of being forgotten.

If she continues down this path, was that all that awaits her?

She clenched her fist, unsure of what to say next. She simply sat in silence as they drifted through Terminus, towards their next destination.

###

Rosalyn stood alone, she kept the others back for now as they aren’t fit for battle.

In front of her she could see a camp that had been hastily prepared and reinforced. There were no signs of beast corpses laid out, someone handled it carefully to not attract more enemies.

Just as she was about to approach after seeing some silhouettes in the distance, she paused and blinked her eyes.

One of the silhouettes was familiar... It was during the time when she was still managing her academy.

And if she recalled correctly, someone that Alice had mentioned when they met up again briefly in the east.

Selen, the hybrid who uses time.