[BL] CRAVING HIM: Addicted to His Voice-Chapter 374: Learning to Trust Again

~Nantam’s POV~

"Please," he wept into my shoulder, his hands clutching at my shirt. "Just please forgive me. I’m so sorry, Nan. I’ll never, ever let anything like that happen again. I’ll do anything to make this right. I can give you all the time you need to get over it, if you can..."

"And if I can’t?" I cut in, my voice sounding hollow and sharp in the quiet room.

Evans froze. He slowly raised his head from my shoulder, his eyes bloodshot and swimming with tears as he looked at me.

"What if I can’t get over it?" I asked again, my heart aching. "What happens then?"

"Then I will spend every day doing everything in my power to help you," Evans answered desperately. He reached for my hands, his grip trembling. "No one is leaving, Nan. We’re staying right here to fix this. I’m not forcing you, I promise—I just... I love you so much, and I’m not ready to let one terrible mistake break us."

I pulled back, a sob escaping my throat. "Maybe you just enjoy a woman’s touch more than mine," I cried, the insecurity I’d been harboring finally spilling out. "I’m sorry, but I’m an overthinker. Because I love you, I can’t stop my mind from spinning out of control. I’m losing my mind, Evans."

"I understand," Evans murmured, his voice thick with regret. "I know I did this to you."

"You don’t get it," I said, my voice rising as I layered my pain before him. "You were my first. My first everything. I spend every moment we’re together wondering if I’m doing the intimacy part right or wrong. I’m still trying to figure out if I can even match your energy... and then to find out you did that? I can’t stop thinking that maybe I suck at it. Maybe I wasn’t enough."

I ran my hands through my hair, pacing back and forth, feeling like I was vibrating with anxiety. "I can’t stop the thoughts. I’m sorry, I just can’t."

Evans watched me in silence, the weight of my words clearly crushing him. He looked like he didn’t know if there were any words left in the world that could fix this. Finally, I collapsed onto the sofa, burying my face in my hands.

Evans didn’t stay back. Slowly, he approached and knelt on the floor in front of me. He reached up, gently prying my hands away from my face so I had to look at him.

"I’m so sorry I gave you even a second of room to doubt yourself," he said softly. "Nan, I’m honored to be your first. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Your body is perfect. Your skin..." He trailed off, his eyes roaming my face with a desperate sincerity. "You have such a beautiful body, such incredible legs. Every time you wear shorts, I literally can’t take my eyes off you. I’m obsessed with you. Nan. Only you."

I felt a small, involuntary twitch at the corner of my mouth. Despite the heaviness in my chest, his words sparked a tiny flicker of warmth. I looked away, trying to keep my voice steady. "Don’t flatter me if you don’t mean it, Evans," I murmured, the urge to smile almost winning.

"Sweetheart, please believe me," he pleaded, his hand reaching out to gently brush a stray hair from my forehead. "I’m being honest. I’ve never been more honest in my life. You are everything I want."

I stayed silent, just watching him, listening to the man who usually kept everything bottled up finally pour his heart out.

"All I want is you," Evans murmured, his voice barely steady as he met my gaze. "You matter more to me than anything. Before you, I ran the moment things stopped being easy. I never stayed. But you changed that. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to keep... really keep. The first one I’d fight for, no matter how hard it gets."

I looked at him, the mental image of that message flashing behind my eyes like a brand. "That’s a beautiful speech, Evans," I said, my voice trembling with a mix of grief and bitterness. "But it doesn’t change the fact that you let her suck your cock."

The bluntness of my words made him flinch, but he didn’t look away. "I’m not going to deny that it didn’t happen," he said, his voice strained. "But I stopped her, Nan. The moment she began, I stopped her. I didn’t let it go any further."

"That’s not a real talk, Evans!" I snapped, the tears spilling over. "Didn’t you think of me? I told you from the start, what is mine is mine alone. I never wanted to share any part of you with anybody else. Not even for a second."

"Trust me, sweetheart, I thought of you immediately," Evans pleaded, his hands reaching out to hover near mine, desperate to touch but afraid to push. "That is exactly why I stopped her the moment it started. But I was careless. I was reckless to let it happen at all. Trust me, Nan, I am thinking of you every single second. You are always in my mind, no matter where I am."

He took a shaky breath, his eyes wide and pleading. "I am yours now. I will never let anyone who isn’t you anywhere near me again. Please, sweetheart. You know I love you so much. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared for anyone."

I looked at him, seeing the powerful, composed Evans reduced to a man begging for a second chance on his knees. The anger was still there, but beneath it, the love I had for him was screaming to be heard.

I gave a small, weary nod. "Give me time," I murmured, but this time, the words felt less like a shield and more like a bridge. "Just... give me time. I’ll be fine."

Evans let out a long, shuddering breath of relief. "You don’t have to rush it. I’m not going anywhere. I can wait as long as it takes." He leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead, and finally, my guard crumbled. I reached out and pulled him into a quiet, tentative hug.

"You can’t let that happen again, okay?" I whispered into his ear, my voice small and trembling against his skin.

"Okay," Evans breathed, his arms tightening around me. "I promise."

"I’m so possessive of you," I confessed, burying my face in the crook of his neck. "I don’t want anyone else close to you. Maybe I’m crazy to feel like that, but baby..."

"Yes," Evans answered immediately, his voice a soothing hum. "Yes, honey."

I pulled back just enough to look at him, a tiny, weary smile touching my lips. "I’m just a baby, Evans. All I need is to be pampered and to be able to trust that my man is mine, whether he’s standing right next to me or miles away."

"I understand," Evans said firmly. "And you are not crazy to feel like that. Trust me."

"You can’t let it happen again," I repeated, needing the reassurance one more time.

"Never," he vowed. "It won’t happen again."

"I might be this old," I said, searching his eyes, "but I have the heart of a baby. It hurts so deeply when someone breaks my trust or betrays me. So, baby..."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Don’t you ever do that again, okay?"

"I promise you, Nan. I promise."

I hugged him tight, clinging to him for a long moment until the frantic beating of my heart finally slowed. When I eventually pulled back, I reached up to wipe the lingering traces of tears from his cheeks. "I love you so much," I murmured. "It just hurt that it happened. But I’ll be fine with time, okay?"

Evans nodded, fresh tears spilling down his face. "I’m so sorry," he choked out.

"I know you are," I said gently. "But I also have every right to feel this way, okay? Don’t make me feel bad for being hurt."

"I understand," he nodded, pulling me back into his chest for one more embrace. When we finally pulled apart, I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I’m hungry," I murmured against his mouth.

"I’ll tell the maid to cook something for you right away," Evans said, already moving to get up.

I caught his hand, shaking my head. "It’s you I want. Cook for me?"

Evans softened, a look of pure devotion crossing his face. "Okay, sweetheart." He stood up from the floor, pulling me up with him. "Let’s go prepare something for you."

I followed him, my fingers interlaced with his, as we walked toward the kitchen together. The pain wasn’t entirely gone, but for the first time in weeks, the air between us felt clear.