[BL] I Didn't Sign Up For This-Chapter 85: In Which We Have a Disagreement (The Sexy Kind)
I woke up to the sound of Mara’s voice drifting up from downstairs.
"...message came through about an hour ago," she was saying. "Veyrith knows exactly what they did."
"And he’s not happy about it," Henrik replied. "Seven rifts in one operation? He’s definitely going to escalate."
"That’s what worries me. Yesterday, there were four enforcers at the last rift, next time it could be forty."
I groaned and rolled over, finding Azryth already awake beside me, staring at the ceiling.
"How long have you been listening to them strategize our imminent doom?" I asked.
"Twenty minutes." He didn’t look at me. "Mara’s run through fourteen different scenarios for how Veyrith might retaliate, none of them end well."
"That’s pessimistic."
"That’s Mara being thorough."
"It’s like she can smell fear."
"She can. It’s a hunter thing."
I wasn’t sure if he was joking.
I sat up carefully, every muscle in my body staging a formal protest. "Ow. Why does everything hurt?"
"Because you sprinted through three European cities, fought four enforcers, and closed three dimensional rifts in under ten minutes." He finally looked at me. "Your body is having opinions about that."
"My body needs to be more supportive of my life choices."
"Your body is the only part of you showing good judgment."
Downstairs, Mara’s voice rose slightly. "...and if he sends more enforcers next time, we need a better strategy than ’Azryth handles them while Riven closes the rift’..."
"We should probably go down there," I said.
"Or we could stay here and pretend we’re still asleep."
"That’s not very mature."
"I’m over five hundred years old, I’ve earned the right to be immature." But he was already getting up, pulling on a shirt. "Though you’re right, avoiding Mara only makes her more determined."
We made it downstairs to find Mara pacing in the common area while Henrik sat at the table with his tablet, looking like a man who’d long ago accepted his fate as Mara’s emotional support audience.
"Oh good, you’re awake," Mara said, rounding on us immediately. "We need to talk about next steps."
"We closed seven rifts," Azryth said mildly. "I thought that was the goal."
"It was. And you succeeded." She crossed her arms. "But that enforcer that got past you in Prague? That was too close, Riven was inches from being grabbed."
I opened my mouth to point out that I’d handled it, but Mara kept going.
"Next time Veyrith will send more, he knows what you’re doing now, he knows you’re targeting anchor points, he’s going to defend them." She looked between us. "So what’s your plan for when it’s not four enforcers, but forty?" 𝒇𝙧𝙚𝓮𝔀𝓮𝒃𝙣𝓸𝒗𝒆𝒍.𝙘𝒐𝒎
Azryth’s expression went carefully neutral, which I’d learned meant he was about to say something Mara wouldn’t like.
"We adapt," he said.
"How will you adapt?"
"We move faster, hit targets before he can reinforce them, and use the element of surprise."
"And if that doesn’t work?"
"Then I handle the enforcers while Riven closes the rifts."
The temperature in the room dropped about ten degrees.
"That’s not a plan," Mara said quietly. "That’s suicide with extra steps."
"It’s tactical allocation of resources—"
"It’s you throwing yourself at threats because you’ve decided Riven’s life is worth more than yours!"
"It is," Azryth said, like this was obvious. "He’s the only one who can close the rifts permanently. I’m expendable, he’s not."
Something hot and angry twisted in my chest.
"We’re bound," I said, my voice tight. "If you die, I die. You know this."
"Which is why I need to keep you alive as long as possible.."
"So your plan is to die protecting me, and I get to feel it happen through the binding before I follow you?" My hands were shaking now. "That’s not protection, that’s making me watch you die, that’s leaving me alone with that pain until the binding drags me after you. You can’t just decide you’re going to martyr yourself every time things get dangerous!"
"I’m not martyring myself, I’m being practical."
"Practical would be coming up with a strategy that doesn’t involve you fighting forty enforcers alone!"
"I can handle forty enforcers."
"Can you? Because one got past you yesterday even though they were just four. What happens when it’s not one but ten? Twenty?" My voice was getting louder and I didn’t care. "What happens when you’re overwhelmed and I’m standing there closing a rift because that’s the tactical choice, and I have to feel you die through the binding?"
The room went very quiet.
Henrik made a strategic decision to suddenly be very interested in his tablet.
"I’m not going to die," Azryth said, but his voice had lost some of its certainty.
"You don’t know that. You can’t promise that." I moved closer, frustration and fear mixing into something that made my hands shake. "We’re bound, remember? If you die, I feel it, I die too. If you’re hurt, I’m hurt. You can’t just throw yourself at threats and expect me to be okay with it!"
"What do you want me to do?" His jaw was tight. "Stand back and watch you get hurt? Let enforcers through because I’m worried about the binding?"
"I want you to stop acting like your life doesn’t matter!"
"And I want you to stop pretending yours doesn’t matter more!"
We were standing very close now, both breathing hard, both too angry and scared to back down.
"Okay," Mara said into the tense silence. "I’m going to... go check the perimeter. Henrik, you’re coming with me."
"Am I?"
"Yes, right now, immediately."
Henrik, showing remarkable survival instincts, followed her out without argument.
The door closed behind them.
Azryth and I stood there, glaring at each other.
"You’re being unreasonable," he said.
"I’m being unreasonable? You just declared yourself expendable!"
"Because tactically.."
"Fuck tactics!" The words came out louder than I intended. "I don’t care about tactics, I care about you not dying!"
"Why?" He asked it like a challenge. "Because of the binding? Because you’d die too?"
"Because I love you, you idiot!"
The words hung in the air between us.
Azryth stared at me, something complicated crossing his face.
"You..." he started.
"Yes, how many times do you want me to tell you? I love you, and I’m furious about it because you keep doing things that might get you killed and I can’t.." My voice cracked. "I can’t lose you, not like that, not watching through the binding while you sacrifice yourself because you’ve decided I’m worth more."
"You are worth more."
"To who? To you?" I moved closer, right into his space. "Because you’re worth everything to me, so where does that leave us?"
His hand came up, cupping my face. "Arguing in circles apparently."
"I’m serious."
"So am I." His thumb brushed my cheekbone. "I can’t promise I won’t take hits for you. That’s not... I can’t promise that."
"Then promise you’ll try to survive, that you won’t just throw yourself at threats without thinking."
"I always think—"
"Azryth."
He was quiet for a moment, then: "I’ll try. To be more careful, to let you handle threats when you can." His forehead pressed against mine. "But if it comes down to you or me, I’m choosing you. Every time."
"That’s not fair."
"It’s not meant to be fair." His other hand found my waist, pulling me closer. "It’s just true."
I wanted to argue more, wanted to make him promise something he clearly couldn’t promise, but he was right there and warm and solid and alive, and the fear that had been driving my anger was still there, demanding reassurance.
"This argument isn’t over," I said.
"I know."
"We’re going to fight about this again."
"Probably." His mouth was very close to mine now. "You’re still furious with me."
"Completely."
"And I’m still not going to let you get hurt if I can prevent it."
"You’re impossible."
"You’ve mentioned that." His lips brushed mine, barely a kiss. "Are we done arguing with words?"
"I don’t know, are we?"
