Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 212: It’s not love

Braelyn’s POV

"Before you do anything. I have a question only you can answer: Do you still love Raphael, or have you fallen for Lucien and are you ready to throw everything you fought for?" She asked me a question I have been avoiding. My breath caught, and I couldn’t find the words.

The answer remained at the tip of my tongue. The question hung between us. It was something I had been refusing to answer or admit.

Do you still love Raphael, or have you fallen for Lucien? It rang in my ears. Genny’s intense gaze remained on me. She was waiting for my reply.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. My chest felt tight, like something was pressing down on my ribs. I hated how simple she made it sound. As if love were a clean thing. As if it didn’t come tangled with guilt, fear, habit, and scars that refused to fade.

"I don’t know," I finally admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "That’s the truth. I don’t know anymore."

The cruel truth was, yes, I hated Raphael, I hated him with every fibre of my soul, but God, I couldn’t forget the boy whose kindness I fell for. The man I fought for, it was cruel. I tried so damn hard to forget, but the elephant remains in the room. A part of my heart might never hate him entirely, but it doesn’t mean I can forget all the pain.

It doesn’t mean I could forgive him.

Genny studied me quietly, she was waiting for me patiently. She wasn’t judging. Just gave me space to breathe.

"I loved Raphael once," I said slowly. "Or at least... I loved the version of him I married. The man who made me feel chosen and safe" My fingers curled into the plushie in my lap. "But somewhere along the line, love turned into endurance. Turned into something suffocating, constantly shrinking me. At times I wondered if the boy I knew still existed or if he is completely dead now..."

Genny didn’t interrupt. "But tonight I wasn’t expecting that.." My voice cracked. "When he begged, I saw that boy in him, and it scared Genny. " I blinked my eyes trying to hold in the tears.

Genny reached out for my hand and just held it. "I am scared to give in," I admitted. Raphael still has a lot more control over me than I thought.

"And it’s not just that. Honestly, I am tired." I drew in a deep breath. "This game is dangerous but there are a lot of things involved. It isn’t just love, there are things I can’t lose." I explained. It felt like something was blocking my chest making it difficult for me to breathe

Genny’s grip tightened. She squeezed my hand, remembering that she was beside me. "Breath, Braelyn..." she urged me, and I stopped for a moment to breathe. I released a very long breath

"And Lucien...I don’t even know where to start from..." I swallowed. Saying his name out loud felt dangerous. "Lucien isn’t safe. I know that. He’s sharp and reckless and he sees too much. Being around him feels like standing too close to a fire. I’m not even sure what I feel for him is love."

"Then what is it?" she asked gently.

I shook my head. "I don’t know if it’s desire or escape. Or just the first time in a long time someone looked at me and saw me."

"Or the fact that he stares at me like I am something he must get. Maybe it is the thrill of being around him.." I blurted out. Up till now I didn’t even know. Love was not in the equation. It has never been and we both know that

This was a twisted game of revenge and conquest. "But he makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in years....I really don’t think I love him." I said those words carefully as if I was convincing myself.

That was the part that scared me most.

Genny leaned back on the bed, exhaling. "You don’t have to label it tonight, Brae. But you do have to be honest with yourself. Staying with Raphael because of history isn’t the same as choosing him."

"I know," I whispered carefully.

"I won’t lie and tell you that I understand. I don’t but remember your happiness matters the most..." she paused. "But will happiness be worth it if you lose everything, including yourself?"

The room fell silent.

"You know what. Let’s sleep on this tonight, and maybe an angel will come to you in your dream with the answer," she urged me. I laughed and nodded. Maybe a nap would be best. 𝕗𝗿𝕖𝐞𝐰𝗲𝕓𝐧𝕠𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝐨𝚖

"Alright then."

Genny beam. "Let’s go to bed. I promised Alora to take her sightseeing tomorrow." She sighed, picking up her sleep mask from the bedside.

"Will it be safe walking around with her?" I arched a brow at her. She was the one who wanted to keep her baby’s existence hidden.

She shrugged to cover her eyes. "Alora looks nothing like me. So it will be cool." She said as she slipped under the covers..I was a bit concerned. They didn’t look alike but if you look long enough, you will see the similarities.

"Good night, Brae. Overthinking isn’t good for your skin." Genny urged me, she yawned, truly exhausted, before closing her eyes.

I fell back on the pillow just staring at the ceiling. Maybe I was really overthinking things. "Good night Genny.." I sighed. She hummed, half asleep.

I don’t know how long I just lay there staring at the colours on the ceiling. Genny’s night lights glittered like stars eventually I drifted to sleep.

*******

"How long are you going to continue this madness Dominic!!" I heard a sharp female voice snap. My attention was piqued; it seemed like Dad had visitors.

My nanny had warned me not to go down but I was curious. I snuck downstairs towards the sitting room where I heard the argument.

"Please, I don’t need this..." Dad drawled.

"Someone needs to tell you. At this rate, you might kill parents, and your brother is handling too much," the lady snapped. I was standing by the door. I didn’t see the lady, Daddy was standing against the door.

"I already left the family, they can just cut the crap," he hissed."And you should know your place. We might have been good friends in the past, but you are my sister-in-law..."

The lady laughed. "Can you listen to yourselves? You gave up everything for her. In the end, what didn’t you get? A lunatic who killed herself after attempting to kill her daughter twice..."

"Shut up!!!" Dad screamed, cutting her off. "Don’t speak of my wife that way." Dad’s hands were raised like he was about to hit her.

"Or what Dominic..." she snickered, stepping forward." You would hit me because of her?" She asked. The lady sounded hurt ...

"You already chose her over me Dominic. You already hurt me enough..."