Craved by the Wrong Volkov-Chapter 259: Not everything can be fixed

Braelyn’s POV

My gaze locked on his face as something in my chest twisted. Even in this state it was hard to look away from him. It was crazy how he looked like a tragic hero when he was the one who wrecked me.

My chest felt clogged making it hard to breathe. He had no right to look that way. He had no right to still affect me. I hated him.

I hated him for choosing to fight a battle on his own that destroyed us. I hated him for not trusting me. He should have said something. Even if it sounded crazy, he could have confronted me. One way or another, we could have found a solution.

But he didn’t. Keeping someone ignorant isn’t love or protection. I hated myself the most, no I was disgusted by myself for feeling pity for him. I hated him but not enough...

Another clip was playing on the screen. It was our wedding day. This video had better quality since it was taken by a professional. It was a video of our first dance. We were so close, I was leaning against him as he spoke

To others, it felt like I was crying with the way my shoulders trembled but they had no idea I was laughing. I was laughing so hard I had to hide my face. I was teasing him for crying at the altar, Raphael snickered back that I should have warned him that I was going to look that beautiful. He wasn’t mentally prepared.

He was silly, most people didn’t know that reckless side of him. He might have even forgotten himself after drowning in work. It was the side of him I loved the most

I remembered teasing him that when I eventually gave birth he might cry more than I. He joked he had to mentally prepare himself. It would be embarrassing if he cried but he doesn’t think he would hold it in when he holds the newborn or worse the day our daughter gets married...

I laughed so hard that day just looking at the clip made me laugh. I should have ignored it and just walked away but my feet found themselves walking towards the couch.

I walked closer, my steps heavy like I was approaching something fragile. He was asleep, breathing unevenly, completely unaware of my presence. I didn’t turn off the television.

I sank into the couch sitting at the edge away from him.

Clip after clip played. We were studying together. We were arguing over food. We were laughing over nothing. Pre-wedding videos from that morning. A version of us that felt like strangers and ghosts at the same time. The past wasn’t sweet, It was unbearable knowing what was destroyed. 𝙧𝙚𝙚𝔀𝒆𝓫𝓷𝙤𝓿𝒆𝙡.𝒄𝙤𝓶

After a while, the weight of it all became too much. I stood up abruptly, my chest tight, my eyes burning. I couldn’t sit there and drown in memories that no longer belonged to me.

I turned to leave. I guess the sudden movement startled him awake. His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

I gasped, startled, trying to pull back, but his grip tightened just enough to stop me. When did he wake up?

His eyes were open, unfocused and glassy. "Lynn..." he croaked, barely able to open his eyes..

I didn’t answer. "Lynn..." he repeated, his voice breaking as his eyes widened now realising it was me. He yanked me forward wrapping me in his arms which started to tremble

I gave him a good look and what I saw made me freeze. Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes, making him look more pitiful and helpless. He looked nothing like the composed, controlled man the world saw. He looked small and broken. Like a true crybaby..

"I’m sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I know... I know it’s my fault. I know I ruined everything." His fingers trembled around my wrist. "The scars... they might never go away, but I’ll try. I swear I’ll try to fix it..."

I knew he was drunk and sleepy, trapped somewhere between memory and regret but the pain in his voice sounded real.

"Not everything can be fixed Raphael.." I said slowly, shaking my head. He hiccupped, his grip wasn’t really strong.

"I’m sorry.." he blurted. I drew in a deep breath. "You should go to bed. " I suggested. "Sleeping in this position isn’t comfortable...."

He stayed silent before opening his lips. "I can’t bear staying there. It feels contaminated even after changing everything she touched. It still reminds me of the act I played for too long.." he admitted..

I stayed silent, and he glanced up. "I know things might not be the same ever again but can I hold you just tonight.." The way he asked made something crack in me. My free hand clenched, I told myself I wasn’t going to shed tears for him again.

"How can you make such a request, Raphael?" I asked him. Memories I buried so deep resurfaced.

"Do you know how much you made me doubt myself during that period? Sometimes I just ask myself what I did wrong. What happened to the man who loved me?" The words spilt out.

"I was left in the dark.." I croaked and my hand trembled. "That night after you suggested the open marriage. I was desperate, I remembered trying everything to change your mind but we knew how it ended..." I didn’t know why I was saying this to him.

He was drunk and probably won’t remember anything tomorrow. "I saw you fucking her Raphael. It cracked something in me. I had to sleep in the car. I cried that night, Raphael..." my voice trailed. "I cried.." I sniffled.

"Sorry.." he said but his voice sounded distant. His head dropped on my shoulders and his even breaths followed which made me freeze.

"Sorry.. " he muttered again but it was sleep talk. "I love you...so much it hurts.." He was now asleep.

I chuckled still in his arms. That’s why the betrayal hurt so much. I genuinely loved him and now I hated him as much for making me a mess. He was a complete wreck completely oblivious to how much Lucien was about to destroy his world.