Don't Want to Be Ordinary Even Though I'm an Extra Character-Chapter 46: [45] Lamenting the past

-Rainer Astoria-

"Enough. Maybe it would be better if I just died."

The thought crept back in, wrapping around my heart like a suffocating shroud. No matter where I went, it followed—relentless, unforgiving.

Flashback

Months ago, I stood in the great hall of House Astoria, a place where generations of our family had forged their legacies. Portraits of our ancestors adorned the stone walls, their faces steeped in pride and achievement.

But I couldn’t lift my gaze to meet theirs.

"Rainer."

The voice of my father, Duke Astoria, rumbled like thunder through the chamber. I lifted my head, meeting the piercing blue eyes of the man who stood at the base of the grand staircase. His gaze was sharp, his expression brimming with expectations I felt I could never meet.

"Prove you are worthy of this family."

His words were succinct, but their weight bore down on me like an unrelenting storm.

I, the third son of House Astoria, was always seen as a disappointment. Unlike my elder brothers—beacons of brilliance and power—I was merely a child swinging a sword without direction.

From a young age, I trained under the best knights our family could offer. Yet their words were always the same:

"You lack talent, Rainer. There’s no point in continuing."

Still, I persisted. Ignoring the pain in my body and the scars on my heart, I pushed forward—not because I wanted to be the best, but because I yearned to prove that I belonged, that my existence wasn’t meaningless.

House Astoria is one of the empire’s most prestigious noble families. Our ancestors were national heroes, instrumental in founding and defending the empire itself.

The name "Astoria" symbolizes strength, honor, and glory. But reality isn’t as poetic as the legends.

For the last century, our family had stagnated. No grand achievements, no new heroes—until my father was born, a man of unparalleled genius who revitalized our lineage.

My father was the epitome of perfection: strong, brilliant, charismatic. A leader revered by all.

But his greatness cast a long shadow over us, his children.

My eldest brother is a master tactician hailed across the empire. My second brother wields a blade with skill unmatched, capable of defeating seasoned war veterans.

And me? I had nothing.

No matter how hard I tried, failure followed. Compared to them, I was always inferior, always lacking.

"I can’t keep going like this," I murmured one night, standing alone in the garden behind our manor.

My hands trembled from a day of grueling training. Small cuts covered my fingers, the stinging pain a dull reminder of my inadequacy.

"Why was I even born?"

But even then, I didn’t give up. Talentless as I was, I chose to stay the course.

When I was tasked with leading an expedition to clear a trade route of monster threats, I thought it was my chance—a glimmer of hope to prove my worth.

"If I succeed, maybe... maybe I can finally show them something."

But it ended in disaster.

The mission failed spectacularly. Most of my soldiers died, and I could do nothing to stop it. I barely escaped with my life, leaving behind a scene of carnage and shattered hopes.

The Expedition

The soldiers with me weren’t just subordinates. They were my friends—people who laughed with me, trained with me, and treated me like an equal despite my flaws.

Our small force of fifty seemed enough for the job: clearing a trade route overrun by wild monsters.

"It won’t be difficult," I assured them during the briefing. I tried to sound confident, even though anxiety gnawed at me inside. "It’s just a simple cleanup. We’ll be done in a few days."

I was utterly naive.

The first day was uneventful. We fought a few goblins and wolves—nothing the team couldn’t handle. Some joked it felt more like a vacation than a mission.

But by the third day, everything changed.

We entered a narrow pass between two steep hills. The atmosphere grew heavy. The songs of birds that had accompanied us until then faded into silence. The only sound was the distant rustle of wind.

"Captain, something doesn’t feel right," one soldier whispered, gripping his spear tighter.

I tried to calm them. "It’s probably nothing—just stay alert."

But in my heart, I knew otherwise.

And then, we saw it.

A massive shadow passed over us, blocking out the sun. The air stirred violently with the sound of wings beating like thunder.

The creature landed with a deafening crash, shaking the ground beneath our feet.

It was a dragon.

Its body was immense, covered in jet-black scales that shimmered like obsidian. Burning red eyes regarded us with a terrifying intelligence. 𝕗𝚛𝚎𝚎𝐰𝗲𝗯𝗻𝚘𝚟𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝕞

We froze. None of us had ever encountered a dragon before. Even the grizzled veterans among us trembled. Dragons, even in the darkest tales, were legends—invincible titans at the peak of the natural order.

"Captain... what do we do?" a soldier asked, his voice quivering.

I didn’t have an answer.

The dragon roared, the sound so loud and deep it rattled the very ground we stood on. It wasn’t just noise; it was a warning, a declaration of absolute dominion.

"Everyone, back away slowly!" I ordered, my voice barely steady.

But it was already too late.

One soldier panicked, hurling his spear in desperation. The weapon didn’t even graze the dragon but sealed our fate.

With lightning speed, the dragon lunged. One swipe of its massive claw knocked three soldiers into the air. Their bodies landed limp and broken.

"Defend yourselves!" I screamed, though I knew it was futile.

Chaos ensued.

We attacked with everything we had—arrows, spears, swords—but nothing worked. The dragon’s scales turned our weapons into harmless toys.

One by one, my comrades fell. Those who tried to run were caught, crushed beneath its claws or obliterated by its thrashing tail.

I could hardly move, my body bruised and bloodied. My sword slipped from my trembling hand.

"Captain! Get out of here!" one soldier shouted, just before the dragon’s tail smashed into him, cutting off his plea forever.

In the end, I ran.

Broken and defeated, I limped away from the carnage, my heart heavy with shame.

"Forgive me..." I whispered as tears streamed down my face.

I had failed to protect them. Failed as a leader. Failed as a person.

I collapsed in a small cave, hiding from the beast, praying it wouldn’t follow me.

As I sat there, battered and broken, one thought consumed me:

"I should’ve died with them."

Yet, I lived.

Even now, I’m unsure whether my survival was fate’s cruel joke or some kind of mercy.

But the faces of those I abandoned, the roar of that dragon, the screams of my comrades—they’ll haunt me forever.

No matter where I go, I can’t outrun them.