Hagakure Sakura Does Not Lament-Chapter 110

Passing Thoughts

Translated by LyraDhani

Edited by LyraDhani

When Tsugumi arrived at the hospital, he was made to undergo a physical examination whether he met Chidori or not. …He collapsed right in front of the staff, and he kept crying as if he was enduring the pain, so it was a natural step to take. In a way, he was grateful for that, because Tsugumi was not sure how he felt about meeting Chidori in his current state of mind.

By the time he had completed several tests, including blood tests and an MRI, the sun had already set.

“Well, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with your body. Does your head hurt anymore?”

The doctor asked him as he looked at the test results.

“Yes. It seemed to be temporary, and now it doesn’t hurt at all.”

“That’s good to hear. But if the pain appears again, it might be better to have a government surgeon take a look at it this time instead of a hospital. The effects of witchcraft are often impossible to determine with ordinary medicine. –Well then, take care of yourself. I will send a nurse to take you to your sister’s room later, so please wait in the waiting room on this floor.”

“I understand. Thank you very much.”

He thanked the doctor and left the examination room. He was just about to leave the doctor’s office when he saw a girl standing by the door, leaning against it.

“Ah, Tsugumi-kun. I heard from the staff that you suddenly collapsed.”

Saying that, the girl with a worried face–Suzushiro rushed toward him.

“Ah, yeah. There’s nothing wrong with me. Sorry for worrying you.”

“I see, I’m glad!”

Seeing Suzushiro patting her chest in relief, Tsugumi gave a small smile. Seeing her genuinely concerned about her friend, he felt his depressed heart lighten a little. At the same time, however, a heavy, painful feeling of guilt also passed through his chest. Suppressing these conflicting emotions, he opened his mouth.

“Thank you for everything, Suzushiro. I heard from the staff that Chidori and the other girl were also rescued safely. –I’m truly grateful.”

Tsugumi bowed deeply as he said this. Suzushiro waved her hands in front of her chest, opening her mouth with a troubled look.

“You don’t need to thank me! It’s only natural to help a friend in trouble!”

“‘But it’s true that I’m grateful. ….Uh, please tell Toono-san that I am grateful. Maybe there won’t be another chance for me to meet her.”

–At least not on this matter.

As he thought about it, he lowered his eyes dejectedly. Tsugumi had a lot of questions for Toono about the memories he had recalled. Why did she know about Tsugumi’s past or memories? Depending on the answer, he might have to reconsider his future plans.

…Now that he had remembered, he couldn’t look away from the past.

“Yeah. I’ll let her know. –Ah, by the way, I haven’t been able to see Chidori yet because of the tests. Do you want me to take you to the hospital room?”

Suzushiro asked him that, but he quietly shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. The doctor said that Chidori’s consciousness hasn’t come back yet. I’ll wait patiently in the waiting room for the guide to come. …Besides, I am not ready yet.”

–He still didn’t know what kind of face he should make when he met Chidori. The desire to see her face to face and confirm her safety, and a deep sense of guilt that made him want to run away. All of these feelings were clamping down on his heart.

The current Chidori, who had lost her memory, probably wouldn’t blame Tsugumi. But what if she regained her memory?　

Her gentle, soft eyes tinged with hatred and piercing him. A voice of resentment spewed out like sand. Calling him a liar and choking him. …Tsugumi could imagine such a situation. Just thinking about it made his hands shake uncontrollably.

Even if they were not related by blood, Chidori would still be more important to him than anything else. Even without God’s words, even without the order to protect her, he would protect Chidori no matter what the cost. That was the one thing that would never change, no matter what.

“Tsugumi-kun, are you all right? You don’t look so good…”

“Yeah, maybe I’m a little tired from all the tests I’ve been having. –Oh, by the way, I wonder if my companion and the girl who was with me at the movie theater have already arrived at the hospital.”

Towards Suzushiro, who asked that question with an uneasy look, Tsugumi felt bad, but he tried to cover it up and turned the subject away. …He couldn’t talk about this with his friends. Besides, even Suzushiro would probably be troubled by a confession of his sordid past.

“The foreign man and the junior high school girl? Yes, they were here. The girl’s parents came to pick her up after visiting the other girl, so I think they’ve already gone home. And, um, Azalea-san went away after he saw Chidori sleeping and had a difficult conversation with staff. I wonder what happened to him?”

“Hmmm? Well, I’ll ask Azalea later.”

He wondered what Azalea talked about with the staff, but he didn’t have time to discuss it now.

“Also, all the kidnappers have been properly caught. The government will investigate the background of the kidnappers, but Chidori-chan should be careful from now on. The kidnappers were able to detect the aptitude of MagicalGirls in some way. Whether it’s based on rumors, information, or some kind of witchcraft, it’s still dangerous for girls who don’t have the strength to fight.”

“…That’s right. I’ll be sure to mention this to Chidori.”

From now on, they must be wary not only of Demonic Beasts but also of fellow humans. Chidori, who was prone to getting into trouble, would need to be prepared for this. Tsugumi would move as much as he could, but there was always the possibility that, as in this case, she could be harmed while he wasn’t looking. It was best for her to be careful.

“I’m going to go now. I have to make a quick stop at the government. –Ah, and by the way, Tsugumi-kun.”

Suzushiro, who approached him easily, gently wrapped her hands around Tsugumi’s cold hands and said with a serious look.

“If you have any problems, I’m here to help you. Don’t worry about it alone. When Tsugumi-kun looks sad, it makes me sad too.”

–Suzushiro must have noticed a subtle change in Tsugumi. Even though Tsugumi thought he was acting like usual, he apparently couldn’t hide the fact that he was feeling down.

But seeing Suzushiro’s sincerity made Tsugumi feel deep warmth in his heart. –She was just straight up worried about her friend, “Nanase Tsugumi”. Not the nameless “Tsugumi”, not “Hagakure Sakura” but the life-size “Tsugumi”. He was very grateful for that.

“…Yes, thank you. I’m really lucky to have a friend like Suzushiro.”

When Tsugumi smiled and thanked her, Suzushiro smiled with satisfaction. Then Suzushiro let go of Tsugumi’s hand with a shy smile, waved her hand, and said, “See you later!” and ran down the hallway.

Staring at his right hand, which gradually warmed up, he muttered wryly.

“You’re too good of a friend to me, who only lies, really.”

Tsugumi looked down while mocking himself. Because Suzushiro’s straightforward kindness was a little too dazzling for the current Tsugumi.

◆ ◆ ◆

–The day she was taken to the hospital, Chidori woke up in the middle of the night on the day she was rescued.

She had a lingering sense of fatigue and a dull ache that lingered throughout her body. Her physical condition was not perfect, but as a result of forcing herself to move, it was probably on the lighter side.

Chidori looked around the hospital room with a foggy mind and saw a black mass just beside the bed. Staring in surprise, she saw Tsugumi sitting in a round chair, leaning against the wall, asleep.

Seeing that figure, Chidori finally breathed out a sigh of relief. –She knew that she had made it home safely.

Chidori quietly slipped out of bed and approached the sleeping Tsugumi. The moonlight streaming in through the window faintly illuminated his sleeping face. His eyes were red, as if he had been crying.

…She might have caused him a lot of worries. Chidori felt sorry and gently traced her finger around the red, swollen eye. Then, perhaps feeling an itch, Tsugumi let out a small “Hmm…” and loosely lifted his eyelids. The eyes, which seemed to be in a slumber, stared at Chidori.

“–Chidori? Huh!”

Tsugumi’s eyes widened in surprise, and he twisted and fell from his chair timidly. Seeing him like that, Chidori couldn’t take it anymore and giggled.

“You don’t have to be so surprised.”

“You’re awake. Um, are you feeling all right now?”

Tsugumi asked Chidori with a clumsy laugh as if the spot where it hit the floor was painful.

“Yeah. I feel a little sluggish, but there’s no other problem.”

“I see. …Really, that’s good. The doctor said that the wound is not too deep and the drug is something that will wear off soon, but I was still worried.”

Seeing Tsugumi who said so with relief as he sat on the floor, Chidori was filled with guilts,

“I’m sorry. …If only I had been more careful, none of this would have happened. Besides, I’ve caused so much trouble for so many people.”

The kidnapping could have been prevented if only Chidori had taken proper action in the first place. She wouldn’t have bothered the government or the busy Jukka. And Tsugumi wouldn’t have any reason to cry.

As Chidori was feeling down, Tsugumi opened his mouth with a wry smile.

“No, it’s not Chidori’s fault. Come on, let’s go back to bed. I’m sure you’ll be busy tomorrow with interviews and all that, so you should get some rest while you can.”

“But… –No, you’re right. As Tsugumi said, I’ll rest now.”

When Tsugumi told her it wasn’t bad, she tried to deny it hesitantly, but then she kept her mouth shut and agreed with Tsugumi. If they discussed this matter now, they most likely wouldn’t get an answer. Tsugumi seemed to be tired, too, so it would be better for them to take the rest of the day off.

“Hey, how long have you been sitting there?”

Chidori said, holding out her hand to Tsugumi, who was still sitting on the floor. But Tsugumi stared at her hand, looked away for a moment with a frightened look, and smiled as if to hide it.

“…I’m heavy, and Chidori can’t support me. Besides, I can even stand up by myself–“

Before he could finish his sentence, Chidori grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. Just like that, she let Tsugumi stand up, and the two of them fall on the bed together with too much momentum.

“Whoa, hey, Chidori, what are you doing…”

“–Hey, what are you so afraid of, Tsugumi?”

Hastily clinging to Tsugumi who was trying to retreat on top of her, Chidori said in a quiet voice.

“I somehow know that Tsugumi has been hiding something from me for some time. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure even family members have one or two things they don’t want to tell. But I definitely don’t want you to distance yourself from me like that. Because I only have Tsugumi…”

Saying this, Chidori put a lot of strength into her arm that gripped Tsugumi. –She didn’t know what Tsugumi was worried about, what he was afraid of. But only in front of her, she wanted him to be his usual self.

Tsugumi’s eyes widened in confusion, then he rested his head on Chidori’s shoulder and spoke in a quiet voice.

“…Chidori, what would you do if I told you that I wanted to leave home and live on my own?”

The words, spoken as if in penitence, shook Chidori to the core. Hearing her heart beating fast, Chidori opened her trembling lips.

“Why? Is there a reason?”

“That’s… I just thought it would be better that way.”

Tsugumi mumbled and slurred his words.

–Maybe Tsugumi has recalled something from the past?

This was what Chidori feared the most. Once the family ties were gone, there would be nothing to bind him to Chidori. As long as “Sakura-oneechan” actually existed, Chidori, who had no proof that she was his sister, couldn’t stay by his side. Even more so If Tsugumi remembered the truth.

–But that was not a reason to support him living alone.

“…I’m against it. I will never allow that.”

Shifting her body on the hospital bed, facing him, she gripped his head with both hands and looked firmly into his face. The bright moonlight shone on Tsugumi’s anxious face.

“For now, this is the happiest moment. I’m so happy that you’re with me, that we can spend every day laughing. –Even if Tsugumi and I aren’t really brother and sister, that feeling won’t change …Because we’ve been living together as a family all this time. Are those ten years so easy for you? You’ve come to hate being with me that much ?”

“That’s not it! There’s no way I hate you… But Chidori will surely regret being with me someday. That’s what I’m helplessly afraid of.”

With a pained expression on his face, Tsugumi told her this, pouring out his feelings. Chidori looked at him and screamed in her heart.

–Tsugumi was remembering something. That was probably why he was trying to get away from Chidori in this way.

She didn’t think she wanted to get her past memories back. She was curious about what Tsugumi remembered, but she was fine with it as long as Tsugumi didn’t tell her about it. Because she loved the happy present more than the past, which she could never get back. Why couldn’t he understand that?

“I don’t know what you’re worried about, but you worry too much. –There’s no way I’d hate Tsugumi.”

“But…”

“Even if I end up regretting it, it’s my own decision. I swear I won’t blame Tsugumi. Then you don’t have to worry about anything, right?”

Saying that, Chidori smiled. She thought it was a bit aggressive, but she had to say this much to convince Tsugumi.

Tsugumi, on the other hand, squinted his eyes as if he were looking at something dazzling and laughed helplessly.

“You’re a fool, Chidori. –You’re really terrible.”

I can’t believe you won’t even allow me to run away. He mouthed this in a small voice, stroked Chidori’s head with a giggle, and then slowly got up from the bed.

“I’ll put living alone on hold for now. –I’m going to move to the nap room. I can’t sleep in a chair all the time. You should go to bed soon, too, Chidori.”

“Oh, I have a big bed, we should sleep together.”

When Chidori teasingly said this, Tsugumi opened his mouth with an exasperated look.

“Don’t say weird things. Regardless of when we were in elementary school, we haven’t done that once since we’ve grown up.”

“I’m just kidding. –Good night, Tsugumi. I’ll see you tomorrow. If I oversleep, I’d appreciate it if you wake me up.”

Chidori gave a small wave of her hand while implicitly promising to come to see him first thing in the morning. Tsugumi let out a loud sigh – and with just a slight smile of relief, he walked out of the hospital room.

Now alone, Chidori collapsed onto her bed and looked up at the ceiling in a daze.

“Why can’t anything stay the same? –I don’t want to change.”

Muttering these words, she slowly closed her eyes. Tsugumi’s feelings and Chidori’s feelings. The two of them still cared for each other, but why wasn’t this going well?

Thinking of such things, Chidori drifted off to sleep. Unbeknown to her, she would wake up in the morning getting scolded by Tsugumi for not putting the futon over her head and going back to sleep.

–Chidori, who had lived with a misplaced button called memory, was unable to remember the truth and understand Tsugumi’s anguish, and Tsugumi, who was frightened of the future someday, was unable to understand Chidori’s desire for the continuation of the status quo. The pathetic difference between them could only lead to a tragedy.