Honkai: Fire Moth Herrschers-Chapter 239: Kevin, Wake Up!

"Squeak—"

Kevin held the top edge of the duvet and rolled over, a method that kept the covers largely undisturbed, ensuring he didn't steal Mei's half.

Perhaps sensing the empty space beside her even in her dreams, Mei murmured softly and turned over as well, pressing her front snugly against Kevin's back.

"..." Kevin grunted softly. His back had just begun to feel a chill, only to be warmed again by Mei's body heat.

More than just warmth, the fatal softness directly jolted his already sleepless consciousness even wider awake.

He frowned tightly, finally unable to resist letting out a long sigh, and opened his eyes.

Carefully, he reached out and tapped the alarm clock on the bedside table. A faint fluorescent glow appeared: [4:13]

"...It's fine. Anyway, I have vacation these two days, finished the overtime work too. Being unable to sleep isn't a big deal." Kevin consoled himself mentally.

As if that weren't enough, he continued reminding himself:

"It's fine. Not sleeping now is good; I'll fall asleep easily tonight."

He knew these words by heart. Long ago, as a student, if weekend gaming sessions left him too excited to sleep, he would comfort himself with these words before getting up...

...to continue gaming.

But he knew, deep down, none of this could truly comfort him.

It wasn't that the self-justification he'd used countless times was unsuitable for his current age; after all, he was facing different circumstances.

It was because he knew clearly that in the past, he said these words to combat the phenomenon of "insomnia" itself.

But what he feared now wasn't insomnia itself, but the reason for his insomnia.

Was it because he had suddenly obtained too many long-desired things, leading to uncontrollable excitement, thus making sleep impossible?

It should have been like that. Kevin felt that even if he suffered from insomnia, it should be for that reason.

But reality was clearly different.

His heart was utterly calm. He felt neither the expected drowsiness nor the physiological fatigue he should have. Yet, he didn't feel particularly excited or thrilled either.

Why was that?

Was it because these things weren't what he truly wanted?

Impossible.

A world without Honkai, tiring, mundane but stable work, and... a happy life with Mei.

This was exactly what he wanted. For the past few years, it was a life he hadn't dared to dream of, even in his most contented fantasies.

But now, why did he feel so... tranquil, almost detached?

As if obtaining so much at once couldn't bring him any more "joy."

Why... Why?

[4:14]

The number on the fluorescent screen flickered, pulling him from his contemplation. All those tangled thoughts had occupied less than a minute of real time.

Yet it felt like much longer had passed.

Perhaps the consciousness's perception of time truly differed from physical time.

Was it because information traveled faster through neurons? Didn't seem right. Sometimes, his mind raced with thoughts while little real time passed, yet other times, his mind wandered idly while hours slipped away.

Right, seven or eight hours have passed in the dream. I wonder what's happening outside...

The thought barely surfaced before he quickly suppressed it.

"Why think about these things? Wasn't I just saying, maybe this is a brain-in-a-vat paradox? Maybe that world full of Honkai, completely contradicting the scientific principles learned in school, that world where day and night my nose is filled with the stench of blood, rotting corpses, rust, pungent machine oil, sweat—maybe that's the dream? And this ordinary, mundane, stable, warm world, where I can always smell Mei's fragrance, maybe this is the real world?"

As Kevin sighed again, the muscles from his chest to his throat tightened, making the exhaled breath tremble.

First trembling, then rapid.

He once again gently turned over, pulling Mei's warm, soft body into his arms, trying to signal his subconscious—Don't doubt, this life is real.

But behind Mei's back, his fist clenched tightly.

"Why? Why can't this beautiful world, fulfilling all your wishes, keep you? Can't I keep you either?"

Mei, nestled in his arms, suddenly spoke.

"Sorry, I..." Kevin didn't know how to respond.

"All of this is what I wanted, that's true. But... somehow, it also doesn't feel like what I want."

Mei said nothing, just held him tightly.

Kevin wasn't sure... could dream characters... truly have their own consciousness?

No, no, no! He wanted to slap his own head!

He wanted to treat this supposed dream as reality, so why did he keep reminding himself of the facts?

Why, why, why!

"Hehe..." Mei buried her head in his chest, chuckling softly twice.

Kevin's mood calmed slightly along with her laughter.

"Kevin, your heart is beating a bit fast." Her face nuzzled against him, leaving the faint touch of eyelashes, nose, and lips on his skin. Kevin's heartbeat gradually slowed.

"Mei... are you really Mei?"

Hearing Kevin's question, Mei fell silent for a long time.

Behind her back, Kevin's hand hovered, an ice pick quickly forming in his palm, its tip resting against the hair at the nape of Mei's neck.

His vision blurred slightly. If... if the person before him wasn't Mei, but a puppet created by the Eighth Herrscher, or even the Eighth Herrscher herself—he had seen the grey-haired girl on the opposite rooftop before entering the dream; he was certain that must be the Eighth Herrscher. After all, an ordinary Emperor-class Honkai Beast probably wouldn't be enough to put him to sleep.

Mei naturally felt the chill behind her neck, but showed no fear. Instead, she looked up, her hands slipping between their closely pressed bodies to gently cup Kevin's face.

Her hands applied slight pressure. Kevin, both dazed and compliant, followed her movement and sat up.

The two sat facing each other on the bed, the covers pushed aside.

The ice pick in Kevin's hand dissipated into nothingness. He already understood...

"You understand too, right?" As if mirroring him, she and Kevin spoke almost simultaneously, saying the exact same words:

"Of course, you're not Mei. But you are indeed [Mei]. You weren't created by the Eighth Herrscher, but by me... myself."

"Of course, I'm not Mei. But I am indeed [Mei]. I wasn't created by the Eighth Herrscher, but by you, Kevin."

They both fell silent again for a few seconds. Kevin lowered his head, wanting to speak again, but ultimately closed his mouth, letting her voice echo in the small bedroom:

"The Eighth Herrscher, in haste, merely plunged you into a dream filled with your deepest desires. As for the specific details of the dream, she had no time to fabricate them—Yes, Kevin, this entire dream, including me, is an extension of your own consciousness."

"..."

"Within your own consciousness, you constructed an image of Mei based on your memories—perhaps different from her, but the one most aligned with your perception. That's me. So, it wouldn't be wrong to say I am Mei."

Seeing Kevin still silent with his head bowed, Mei cupped his face again.

"Yes, Kevin. Everything before you now stems from the deepest, most fundamental wishes of your heart. These are your true thoughts. If the thoughts are real, then how is this not a real world?"

"The real world is the real world. A dream is just a dream," Kevin stated flatly. An ice pick formed in his hand again, yet he hesitated to act.

"Is it really that simple? Kevin, nothing in this world is absolute. You think this is just a false dream, but how do you know there isn't truly a branch on the Imaginary Tree where a Kevin and Mei live a life just like today, and what you dreamt is merely a projection of that world?"

"No, you clearly... You just said this entire dream is my own consciousness..."

"Hm? It seems you've realized again—What exactly is consciousness? Is it information transmitted through neurons? A soul? Soul? Seele? душа? Anima? 霊魂? If so, then what is a soul? Why is the [time] experienced by your soul always inconsistent with your body's?"

Kevin tilted his head, thinking. "Isn't that... relativity, like Mei explained before? The one about the stove... uh..."

Strangely, he felt he should remember every word Mei said, yet he couldn't recall the analogy she used now.

Conversely, the [Mei] opposite him easily accessed that memory.

"Oh, that... That was less an explanation of relativity and more a story I casually made up for you. It has some connection to physical relativity, but shouldn't be understood solely as such."

"Then what do you think a soul is?" Kevin stared into the purple eyes, unsure if he was asking [Mei] or [himself].

"Of course, I don't know either. But if it were Mei, she would definitely say: Hmm... Kevin, have you heard of the [one-electron universe] hypothesis?"

"Uh? The one saying there's only one electron in the universe, and what we observe are just its projections in different dimensions?"

"The description is slightly off, but that's the gist. Now let's assume there's only one [Kevin's consciousness], merely leaving its projections in all worlds. In that case, your consciousness seeing the life of another world's Kevin isn't entirely incomprehensible, right?"

"I guess so... Wait, why are we talking about this again?"

[Mei] spread her hands, indicating he had asked first.

Kevin traced his memory back, belatedly recalling they were discussing the reality of this world.

But...

"Regardless, even if this truly is a world experienced by a projection of Kevin, it belongs to—it is possessed by—another projection of Kevin!"

"Then why haven't you left here yet?" [Mei] shook her head, got out of bed, and pulled open the floor-length curtains. Outside, scattered lights from countless homes twinkled.

This time, Kevin was speechless.

He wanted to argue, to say he didn't know how to leave. But his consciousness immediately signaled him, telling him—

If you want to leave this dream, just think [Leave] in your mind.

"Even though you know this clearly, what use is it? You ultimately cannot leave here... No, you ultimately lack the courage to leave here. You know that in your original world, your comrades, your beloved, are fighting the Eighth Herrscher. Yet you selfishly want to stay in this world a little longer, even just one second. Holding onto that thought, you've stayed here this long, right?"

Kevin met this with silence.

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It was like... waking up every morning.

The first thing upon opening his eyes was always recalling the dream. If it was a good dream, he would involuntarily close his eyes again, hoping to continue it.

"Hehe." [Mei] chuckled softly again and opened the window.

Icy morning wind instantly poured in, but for Kevin, this level of cold was negligible.

He looked at [Mei] standing by the window, shivering. Finally sighing, he walked over and pulled her into his arms for warmth.

"Kevin, let's return to your initial confusion."

"What?"

"Why? Why, in this dream that embodies all your heart's desires, do you still not feel happy?"

"..."

"Kevin, it's because in this dream, everything you desired was obtained instantly—without any effort on your part. But is that really a good thing?"

Kevin inexplicably recalled his childhood, always wanting this toy, that snack.

But once he actually got them, he felt a sense of... disinterest.

Many couples he knew back at Chiba Academy were like that too. Relationships formed too easily often ended just as quickly, just as ruthlessly.

"Right?" [Mei] once again easily saw through his thoughts.

"Because the joy of obtaining something desired doesn't solely come from the desired object itself. Or rather, most of that joy comes from the process of striving, trying to obtain it. So, toys bought with someone else's money in childhood, girls easily won over when grown up—the feelings towards these are actually incredibly fragile, because you haven't invested much."

"It's different, Mei... You and I... While it wasn't exactly easy getting together, it wasn't too turbulent either, right?" He knew this [Mei] wasn't that Mei, but couldn't help saying it.

"Well! There are always exceptions."

Then, another long silence.

Kevin had thought that [Mei], as an extension of his consciousness, wanted to keep him in this dream.

But the more she spoke, the more Kevin felt that what she truly wanted was for him to leave.

"Strange, isn't it? Actually, not really. Can my shift in attitude be seen as the contradictory changes in your own thoughts, Kevin? Compared to initially just wanting to stay in this world a little longer, now you seem somewhat inclined to return to reality, to help your comrades."

"Perhaps..."

"Then let me add fuel to the fire—Kevin, have you ever thought about why you've been fighting all this time?"

Kevin's gaze drifted, completely lost.

He initially joined Fire Moth simply because Mei joined. He couldn't leave Mei. As for previous contact with Fire Moth in R'lyeh or whatever, those weren't really important.

He just couldn't, didn't want to, leave Mei. That was all.

So what exactly was the reason for fighting?

Most of his comrades fought to protect their loved ones. But him?

Was it to protect Mei?

Not entirely wrong, but most of the time, he seemed to just robotically follow Mei's instructions.

Whatever she told him to do, he did.

Because he imagined Mei's decisions must be correct, just as Mei believed he could accomplish those tasks.

But ultimately, he always lacked a proactive goal driving him forward.

He felt more like he had been pushed by Mei to this point.

Of course, before this, questions like "why fight" had never even crossed his mind.

Looking back, he had truly muddled through the past years.

"Actually, it's simple, Kevin. Just recall everything that's happened since you entered the dream. Relaxed school life, mundane, tiring yet stable adult life, and me, always by your side... Kevin, if you truly want these things, please return to the world where you belong. Then, set this dream as your final destination. Every step you take forward will lead you towards everything you desire. What I'm saying, you can... no, you must understand."

"I understand." Kevin suppressed all his emotions, answering, as always, in seemingly cold and calm words.

But he quickly realized the [Mei] before him had vanished.

He was embracing nothingness.

It turned out, just as [Mei] spoke those words, the thought [Leave] had somehow surfaced in his mind.

Many things are like that. Perhaps immense effort and sweat were poured into this single matter, but the final jolt wasn't even perceptible at first.

Kevin turned his head, surveying the surrounding whiteness. A smile gradually formed on his lips—impossible to tell if it was bitter, mocking, or relieved.

He closed his eyelids, plunging his vision into darkness.

When he opened them again, he saw the familiar yet unfamiliar ceiling.

"Urgh..." His muscles felt uncomfortable from the long sleep. Not sore, but a feeling worse than soreness. Like a spring held compressed for too long, potentially unable to bounce back.

He quickly sat up, stretched languidly without regard for anyone else, the overly exaggerated movement accidentally dislodging the IV needle from his right hand.

"Grumble— Grumble—" He clutched his stomach, feeling genuinely hungry.

But the professional instincts of a warrior finally returned. He realized this wasn't the usual leisurely awakening from sleep, but the present moment, with the Eighth Herrscher having already appeared.

"I wonder how Michael, Ely, and Sakura are doing..." He worried slightly about his comrades who had also participated in the Te Moana Kino operation. But the worry wasn't intense—he didn't think the current Michael was as fragile as before.

After all, if even he, Kevin, could break free from the dream, even if Michael fell into one, he wouldn't linger too long, right?

And as long as Michael was around, things wouldn't be a major problem.

Kevin thought this, turning his head.

He soon noticed the empty hospital bed to his left. Though unoccupied, the overly neat, tofu-block-folded duvet and the smooth-as-a-mirror sheet clearly indicated someone had rested there...

Moreover, as far as Kevin knew, only one type of person made their bed so meticulously...

Sure enough, on the bedside table lay blue flip-style headphones and a blue hair clip.

Along the wall rested two long swords.

"Sakura?"

He looked around again—a needless action, as the room wasn't large and easily surveyed. Only these two beds.

"No, no! Don't tell me only Sakura and I fell into the dream! It's over, it's over! Michael and Elysia will laugh themselves to death, they definitely will!" He covered his face in despair.

After a moment, he swung his legs off the bed.

Since no one seemed to be minding him, and the base wasn't flashing red lights like during usual Herrscher attacks, he felt a bit lost, unsure what had happened.

The room door was clearly unlocked. But even stepping through the first door of these "VIP" rooms didn't mean leaving the medical area. Beyond it was a larger "visitation area," the size of a two-bedroom apartment.

Naturally, the first area entered was the "living room."

He quickly found three familiar faces by the coffee table—

Elysia, holding a book upside down and yawning constantly; Eden, drunk again; and Sakura, sitting cross-legged on the sofa, palms up, eyes closed in meditation.

The sound of the door opening was particularly jarring. All three turned their gazes towards Kevin simultaneously.

"Uh... Judging by your appearances, is the Eighth Honkai Eruption resolved?" Kevin scratched his head.

"Of course not!" Elysia spread her hands innocently. Uncharacteristically, she spoke in a hushed, breathy tone.

"Anyway, Michael's in command now. He has his own ideas. At least we still have time to rest for a bit. Right, my dear Eden?"

"Mmm—Urgh—Ooh—Ah—"

"..."

"But, speaking of which, Elysia, why are you whispering?"

Elysia blinked innocently:

"Isn't it because I'm afraid of waking Mei resting in the back? Oh dear, let me see, hmm, she's already slept for eight hours, should be getting up soon... Eh, looks like she already woke up first!"

Kevin whipped his head around. Mei was leaning lazily against the doorframe of the "family rest room," giving him a slight smile.

Kevin instantly remembered certain events from the dream, his body stiffening as he quickly sat down on the sofa.