I Became A Side Character Fated To Suffer-Chapter 9: The Walls Of Failure

"Sorry, Eryk... It seems he isn’t suitable for swordsmanship."

My heart froze as the sound reverberated across the ground, causing the sword to slip down.

I looked up and saw a person looking at me.

The Sword Saint, one of the greatest swordsmen, had come to teach me because he owed my father a favour, and the result—

It was utter humiliation.

No matter how much I tried, after a certain level, I couldn’t advance.

Unbothered, the man left the estate.

I knew I had no talent for swordsmanship. At the age of seven, I didn’t want to waste my time swinging swords all day, so I tried to become a mage instead.

I had fire, wind, and darkness affinities. I thought that maybe I could learn some spells to build my power, so I started with the simplest one—Ignition.

Ignition was a simple spell made of five magic runes joined together to form a closed circle. When I tried drawing it on paper, I found that it was similar to a circuit or logic gate, just more complex.

"Hehehehe... this is too easy," I grinned after finishing a test drawing. After preparing everything, I raised my hand, closed my eyes, and started forming the runes.

Five runes... it should be easy.

’From now on, no one can look down on me... Haha...’

With great fervor, I began.

However—

Tzzz!

The spell shattered before I could even form the first rune.

"Huh... what’s the problem?" I muttered.

At that moment, I regained control of my body. My chest tightened a little, but nothing else happened.

".....What’s going on?"

I looked around as if expecting someone to answer.

"Hoooo..." I sighed and decided to try again.

Once more, I followed the same steps.

Rune one...

WHHZZZZ!

"....Fail."

Nothing surprising. I had already lost count of how many times I had failed.

When I looked outside, it was already night, but I could still practice.

"Hah, yeah... it’s fine," I told myself, though my lips stayed pressed together.

Yeah... I can do it.

"...Again."

Time passed. Days went by, yet—

CRINGG!

"Haha, it’s nothing big..." I laughed weakly, though my mind didn’t.

My chest grew tighter again.

It broke at the second rune.

"What the fuck? Yesterday I managed to craft it into the second one... Arghh..."

My progress was slipping backward.

"...Let’s do it."

I kept going.

BRZZZZ!

"....Another failure."

How many was it now? Hundredth time? Okay... reasonable.

"H-huh."

My chest trembled. My eyes narrowed.

A strange feeling grew inside me. It was light, something I could still control, but it was slowly getting stronger.

What was it?

I pushed it away. I didn’t have time to think.

"Again..."

I had to keep practicing.

"Right... practice."

It never stopped.

WHHZZZZ!

My chest felt tighter.

"Haaa... haaa..."

My vision blurred. My breathing got faster. That same feeling grew stronger.

WHHZZZZ!

It kept growing.

WHHZZZZ!

With every failure.

WHHZZZZ!

It spread through my chest until—

WHHZZZZ!

I finally realized what it was.

WHHZZZZ!

"Argghhh...!!!" I screamed and clenched my fists.

Rage.

That was the feeling building inside me.

It was anger, hatred, and the heavy weight of inferiority.

I looked out the window. I didn’t see the calm night sky anymore. I heard laughter.

Blurry voices echoed in my head, mocking me.

[Pathetic... I’ve never seen such a pathetic display.]

Even those without any magic affinity could do this.

"ARGHHHHH!"

"SHUT UPOOOOO!" I roared, covering my ears.

"Why!! Why!!!!! Why can’t I!!!!"

I punched the floor and the wall again and again in my rage.

"F-fuck!"

Bang!

"Fuck!!!"

Bang!

"Why!"

Bang!

"Can’t..."

Bang!

"...I will do it!!!"

Bang!

"Haaa... haaa... haa..."

My head felt light. My mind was blank.

All I could think of were my failures.

"How many times is it now?!? Why can’t I do it? What’s wrong with me?!"

"Its just a simple fucking ignition spell so why is it taking so long to materliaze."

I screamed at the ceiling, my veins bulging with fury.

"Am I really that shit?! Is that the fucking case?!"

I couldn’t accept it.

"Fuuuuuckkk!!!"

I didn’t want to accept it.

So...

I kept going. 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝚠𝚎𝚋𝗻𝗼𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝚘𝐦

But—

WHHZZZZ!

Despite all my attempts, I continued to fail.

And the more I failed...

"Arghhhhh!!!"

The angrier I got, the stranger everything became.

My progress, which had once stopped at four runes, broke down completely. Now, I couldn’t even join two runes together.

"D-damn it...!!!!" I screamed and threw things around, trashing the room in frustration. My voice echoed as I shouted at the sky with all my might.

The servant didn’t dare to stop me and just cleaned things up and went away, only to hear the broken screams of things getting thrashed.

"Why the fuck are you doing this to me?" I yelled and grabbed my hair, slamming my head hard.

The frustration was killing me.

Bang!

I punched my face. The pain helped ease the rage a little.

So...

Bang! Bang!

I did it again.

"Kh!!"

Faster.

Bang!

Harder.

Bang!!

And faster again.

Bang! Bang!

"Dumbfuck..... You are dumb fu-Akkkh!"

I screamed again.

"Ahhhhhh!"

I let it all out.

I knew how pathetic I looked. I knew I was pathetic.

But I was desperate. Failure meant death. I had no choice but to succeed.

Why couldn’t I just do it?

"Ha ha... Why..."

My eyes started to sting. The rage that had filled my mind slowly faded. I lay blankly on the ground.

My whole body felt broken. My mana was completely drained. I was powerless.

"....."

Time passed again.

One hour.

Two hours.

Three hours...

And all that time, I stayed still on the floor.

’Useless... am I truly useless...’

"Haaa..."

My mind slowly cleared. My mana recovered.

I sat up straight and stretched out my hand.

"Again..."

And I tried once more..

Time flowed.

A month passed like that. Or maybe more. I had lost track of time.

All I did was practice.

Hunger, thirst, and sleep didn’t matter because the servants took care of everything. Thankfully, my room was soundproof, and I always cleaned up before they came in.

As for my parents, they were out handling some serious matter. If they were home, I wouldn’t have even had the time to do this shit.

So my lonely training continued without pause.

I could practice as much as I wanted.

But...

WHHZZZZ!

Once again.

I failed.

"Ahhhhhh....!"

I reached for my hair to pull it in anger, but there was nothing left.

I had already ripped out every bit of it.

"Dammnnnn it!!"

Rage took control of me again. But even that had its limit.

"Haaa... haa..."

After another week, I lost my voice.

"....."

I slumped to the ground and stared blankly at the white ceiling.

I was tired.

So tired that even the anger faded away.

When would I get out of this?

Wasn’t this enough?

How much longer did I have to be trapped with such a feeling of helplessness?

I already understood it.

So...

Let me out.

Let me fucking out...!!!

Someone pull me out of this helplessness..

I don’t want to be useless.

No,I don’t...

Now!!

Please...!

I...

Can’t...

C-crak!

"Hahahaha..."

I started to laugh without even realizing it. Something boiled inside my chest. It was like fire. A volcano ready to explode.

It wanted to take control of me.

But all I could do was laugh.

"Cough... haha..."

Even when blood came up from my throat, I still laughed.

So much time had passed, and still, I hadn’t succeeded.

How could I not laugh?

It was pathetic.

I was pathetic.

Then my eyes caught the cutlery on the dinner table. The sharp knife reflected a faint light, and something in my head snapped.

"Haha-Uekh!"

"Hehhe... Heehee..."

With a broken smile, I got up and grabbed it. The steel felt cold against my skin.

As my fingers wrapped around it, countless voices screamed inside my head.

[Just die, you son of a bitch.]

[End this stupidity.]

[Who knows, maybe you’ll reincarnate in the body of a genius.]

As I stared, an eerie smiling face appeared in my vision. A knife pressed against my neck.

"Haaa... you’re right... Let’s stop this bullshit... why struggle so much... haa."

"Let’s finish it."

With those words, I slid the knife across my neck.

Then a scream tore through the silence.

"NOOOOOOO!"

A small, gentle hand appeared as a lovely girl threw herself upon me grabbing me down.

"My Lord you can’t..."

"Meena.."I paused, looking at horror.

"Meena..Is that you?Didn’t you di-OOOOOOO!"

With a groan, my eyes snapped open in shock, and a scream echoed from my lips.

"KYAAA!"

I jumped up from the bed in deep fright, sweating profusely.