I Got a Fake Job at the Academy-Chapter 777

Chapter 777 - Side Story 50: A Starlit Night on the Prairie (2)

Rudger didn't quite understand the intent behind Selina's question. Why would she ask if he had someone he was dating? Logically, there was no way someone who had been trapped in subspace for three years would have such a thing.

Rudger realized that he shouldn't approach Selina's behavior from a purely rational perspective.

Perhaps the question she had asked was very impulsive, riding on the atmosphere. And he wasn't unaware that mixed in with pure curiosity was also a kind of affection directed toward him.

Perhaps this situation of his disciples getting married had imprinted some kind of element on her.

Whatever it was, Rudger had to answer Selina's question. Thinking rationally, he should of course say no.

However, he had a hunch that it wouldn't end there.

'Even Aidan asked me whether I had any thoughts of getting married.'

Dating someone and being united in marriage felt like something incredibly distant to Rudger.

That marriage was a process of bearing the fruit of happiness was a universally known common perception in society.

However, Rudger knew that marriage wasn't quite so all-powerful. Rather, it was because he knew that many couples split up after getting married, and sometimes this marriage acted not as the fruit of love, but merely as a means to connect house to house.

If he were to try to find a match, there would probably be many women courting him.

It wasn't just because of his position as a Theon teacher. His magical knowledge and power itself were exceptional.

Most noble ladies would probably be pushed by their parents' nagging and try to marry him just looking at Rudger's magical abilities. In fact, even when he was in the position of planning director, letters with that nuance arrived every other day.

Of course, they were handled at Sedina's discretion.

His thoughts were long, but the answer came out without even a second's hesitation.

"I don't."

At those words, Selina brushed her chest with her hand and let out a sigh of relief.

"That's a relief."

Selina's expression showed that emotion so outwardly that even people around could notice it. Did she even know what she had just said?

Rudger carefully asked Selina in return.

"May I ask what you mean by 'that's a relief'?"

 "Because Teacher Rudger is truly wonderful and charming. I was thinking it wouldn't be strange even if you had many women you were dating."

To think such a candid answer would come back. Moreover, it seemed to be portraying Rudger as if he were meeting multiple women promiscuously, which felt absurd to him.

"Ah, I didn't mean that with bad intentions. I mean, Teacher Rudger is such an amazing person. Women can't help but be involved with you, right?" 

"Have I been like that?" 

"Yes. Teacher Rudger may not know, but I definitely saw it."

The reason Selina was so certain was because it wasn't just a scene she saw at Theon. Selina remembered the faces of the people who had fought alongside Rudger. She had seen those people at the holy war.

"So when I thought you had just returned not long ago, I thought surely someone must have conveyed their feelings to you, Teacher."

The conveyance of feelings probably meant affection specifically. So Selina was saying she had worried that someone else might have confessed to Rudger.

For Rudger, he knew that it wasn't entirely Selina's vain worry. Just counting those who had shown him goodwill, there were more people than he could count on one hand as far as he remembered.

In the days when he was vaguely aware of it, he could still intentionally ignore everything else with just the single goal of crossing over to Earth.

But for him who had achieved everything and regained his leisure, there was no longer any justification or capacity left to forcibly ignore such problems.

Rather, because it was such a problem, he felt the need to settle it properly and clearly.

However, Rudger had no idea how to respond to others' affection.

"That wouldn't have happened." 

"No. I know. It definitely happened. You just weren't aware of it, Teacher Rudger."

Whether Selina held strong conviction, she spoke with a strangely stubborn tone.

Seeing her unwavering eyes, Rudger could tell that Selina was speaking sincerely.

"Why do you think that?" 

"Teacher Rudger, you've spent your entire life running toward only one single purpose. Right?" 

"Yes. That's correct." 

"So in that process, you didn't notice emotions like the goodwill you received from others. Or even if you noticed, you intentionally ignored it."

Selina's observation was accurate. Rudger couldn't easily accept others' goodwill because he was in a position where he might suddenly disappear from this world at any time.

Forming a deep relationship with someone meant inflicting the pain of loss on that person.

"Surely, it was because Teacher Rudger is kind. Not deliberately telling the truth, hiding your own feelings too. In the end, those were actions for the sake of others."

Selina knew that all these actions stemmed from Rudger's consideration.

That's why Selina felt even sorrier. He could afford to be a little greedy. He could afford to act a little selfishly.

"It's different now. Teacher, you've completely returned now, haven't you?"

At Selina's question, Rudger nodded his head. The phrase "completely returned" meant that he no longer had to leave the world as before.

It also meant that he had finally become a person belonging to this world, that he could now plant his feet on this ground and move forward toward the future.

"That's why I asked. And I also wanted to confirm if perhaps there was someone you cared about somewhere in your heart, Teacher."

Having said everything, Selina's face was flushed red enough to be clearly visible even in the night sky, as if embarrassed.

Rudger looked at Selina like that, then raised his head to look up at the sky.

"Surely, that may be so."

When he agreed so easily, Selina glanced at Rudger.

"Vaguely, I knew there were people who had goodwill toward me. However, I knew that and still ignored it, saying it couldn't be helped because of my situation. Because I might not be a person of this world someday. I definitely thought that way at the time."

But now it was different. Having overcome things he thought impossible, he had finally reached a place of rest.

"And when I gained the opportunity to live again like this, as one constituent entity. And when I heard what Teacher Selina said, what I realized was a sense of being overwhelmed." 

"Overwhelmed?" 

"I had to live my whole life with danger by my side. Living such a stable life, you could say this is the first time."

Perhaps that's why. Just as a child who has never eaten sweet things in their life wouldn't easily feel that it's 'sweet' even when eating candy for the first time.

Rudger was the same. He knew he was receiving goodwill from others, but he had no idea how to respond to it.

It was because he had no experience in this area and hadn't even anticipated that things would turn out this way.

"Everything is new. To put it a bit badly, it's also confusing. Because I never even thought such things would happen to me." 

"Such..."

"That's why, as an extension of the question Teacher Selina asked, even if I'm not dating anyone, even if I received requests to date from them, I would have found it difficult to give any positive answer. It's not because they did something wrong or are flawed."

Rudger touched the part where his heart was with his hand.

"I am the problem." 

"......" 

"Because my heart is still wavering, not knowing what to do, and might only repeat mistakes afterward. That's why I can't speak with confidence."

To be honest, he was scared. The fear of whether he could properly accommodate someone even if he were to date them properly.

Rather, wouldn't he hurt the other person? Or perhaps the ideal image of himself that the other person wants is only from the past, and now that he's changed, wouldn't he disappoint them?

Rudger still lived harboring worries. And because he was human, it was a challenge he would have to continuously solve going forward.

"I don't think that would happen."

A warm warmth settled on the back of his hand placed on his chest. Selina, who had approached at some point, had gently placed her hand on it.

"Worrying about disappointing the other person is surely something the other person feels the same about. And that's a natural thing as a person." 

"Is that really so?"

Selina smiled softly and said.

"Everyone would be like that. I'm the same. I want to be an ideal teacher to my students, but when I'm actually teaching classes, I get frustrated too, and there are times when I can't do that. Students who have a kind and gentle image of me might feel a bit disappointed by that. That's what relationships between people are like." 

"......" 

"We see only a part of a person and try to judge their entirety. Being trapped and excessively bound by that might certainly be dangerous. But conversely, I also think it's a necessary process." 

"Even though it might bring disappointment to that person?" 

"Conversely, you could come to like them more, right?"

At Selina's innocent words, Rudger couldn't give any particular answer. It wasn't because he didn't feel the value in answering but because her words were also adjacent to one correct answer.

"That's how we get to know each other. Sometimes disappointed, sometimes satisfied. If I give half a compromise to the other person, and I also give half a compromise, we'll be able to know more about each other in detail. And well, what if we can't? Parents don't fully know their children, and lovers in love don't know their partners well either. Do we, who haven't even started yet, need to worry about that in advance?"

Rudger felt no small resonance at those words. Right. Not knowing how things will turn out is human life. Yet already worrying in advance and fearing it.

That was never the same as the life he wanted.

"Of course, I'm not asking for an answer right now, Teacher. You'll need time to organize your thoughts too. I just want to convey this one thing. Don't worry too much. Even if you show a disappointing side, my feelings toward you, Teacher, will never change."

It was essentially a confession. Rudger knew that, and Selina knew it too.

However, here neither of them urged for an answer.

The warmth touching the back of his hand slowly moved away. With her hands clasped behind her back, Selina turned her back to Rudger and looked at the meadow scenery.

However, her exposed ears were flushed red.

"I thought Teacher Selina was the same as before." 

"I-Is that so?"

 "But I was wrong. You have certainly changed as well, Teacher." 

"How has my appearance changed?"

At Selina's subtle question, Rudger stroked his chin with his finger, going "hmm." It didn't take long for an answer to slip through his lips.

"Surely, I think you're more attractive."

At those words, Selina turned to look at Rudger. On her face was an innocent smile like the world's most naive child delighted at receiving a gift.

That smile unfolded together with the meadow full of starlight. He naturally thought it was like a single flower blooming in the middle of the meadow.

It was just when Rudger was about to open his mouth to say something.

Boom boom boom!

Splendid fireworks announcing the eve festival embroidered the capital's sky.

Rudger and Selina naturally had their gazes stolen by that scene.

As if not wanting to lose to the beautiful night sky of the meadow, fireworks of all brilliant colors strongly appealed with their respective shapes and lights. That sight led Rudger to a moment of a promise made three years ago.

"It's wonderful fireworks."

Selina said with a smile. Rudger saw that smile and responded with a smile of his own.

"Yes. Indeed."

The promise that crossed the gap of three years could finally be kept again on a night on the prairiewhere stars twinkled both in the sky and on the ground.