I Own a Funeral Home: Live Stream Following Other Streamers and Shock the Entire Internet!-Chapter 1
Chapter 1
The scorching sun baked the earth, and the blazing midday sun made people feel restless.
In this small city called Jiang City, the sunshine didn’t match its size.
In the western area of Jiang City, on an especially deserted street, there was a quiet three-story building.
On the lowest floor of the building hung a plaque, [Brother Yidao Funeral Shop].
Above it was a slogan that read, [No worries after death, Li Yidao will escort you. Full-service one-stop, ensuring peace of mind for your loved ones!]
It must be said that the slogan was well-written. It not only promised peace of mind for the deceased but also for their loved ones.
Unfortunately…
No matter how beautifully the slogan was written, the empty shop still received no customers.
…
“Xiaonuo, go find me some paid posters and boost the video I just posted!”
“I want to see that video in the top ten of the ranking! It should stay there for at least a day!”
“D*mn it! What’s wrong with funerals? Aren’t funerals also a service for the people? Why does the platform restrict my reach!”
Li Yidao casually posted the video he had just recorded on the platform, summoning his sister, assistant, housekeeper, accountant, salesperson, and customer service representative, Li Yino.
With his shout, a chubby little girl walked out from the back room, holding a spatula in her hand, clearly cooking.
“To enter the top ten of the ranking, you need at least 3,000 yuan. If you want to stay in the top ten for a day without dropping out, it will cost around 30,000 to 50,000 yuan.”
“We still have 368 yuan left. We haven’t paid the water, electricity, and gas bills for this month. Can you conjure up the remaining money for me?”
Li Yidao was speechless.
Looking at his sister’s questioning gaze, he decisively chose to forget what he had just said.
His expression instantly changed, and the previous high spirits were nowhere to be seen.
“Well, it’s okay then. I want to have tomato and egg stir fry for lunch. Remember to cook the rice soft. I can only eat soft food.”
“We’re out of eggs. How about egg-fried rice for lunch, plus sugar-coated tomatoes?” Without turning back, his sister walked back to the kitchen.
“No eggs? Then how can you make the egg-fried rice?” Li Yidao asked.
“I wanted to eat egg-fried rice, so I used the eggs to cook it. Any problem?” His sister turned her head, holding the spatula.
Li Yidao chose to keep quiet, facing his sister’s gaze.
As long as there was something to eat, it was all the same anyway. It was just a combination of eggs, tomatoes, and rice.
Once it entered the stomach, it was all the same.
In life, one needed to learn to be content…
Otherwise, the spatula might fry him.
…
Lying back on the recliner, Li Yidao took out his phone and scrolled through the video he had just posted.
Not bad, it already had one like, achieving a breakthrough from zero.
Then, he clicked on it and the number became 0 likes.
He fell from having something to nothing again.
The atmosphere fell silent for a second.
Li Yidao decisively swiped away his own video and started watching other videos recommended by the platform.
He wondered what the platform was up to, whether it was doing marketing or something else.
He seriously suspected that the platform had entered into a deep collaboration with a yoga pants manufacturer.
Recently, the system had been sending him long legs in yoga pants.
A grown guy like him wouldn’t wear yoga pants, right?
That thing was too tight. Not only was it uncomfortable to wear, but it would make a particular part of him painful.
However, since it was a video recommended by the platform, he could only helplessly accept it.
All that talked about the “hourglass figure”. He was definitely not that kind of person!
Bored, he scrolled through his phone, waiting for his sister’s lunch.
Soon, more than ten minutes passed.
And at that moment, he was engrossed in reviewing a fitness video.
Suddenly, a line of transparent text appeared before his eyes!
[Ding! High-quality customer detected, ID: Enchanting Little Witch]
[Death Status Detection: Long-term dieting to maintain body shape, combined with extensive yoga flexibility training, resulting in physical problems. The recent probability of death due to sudden cardiac arrest is 99%.]
[It is advised that the host should immediately follow the high-quality customer.]
Li Yidao’s mind was filled with confusion when he saw the words in front of him.
“What?”
“High-quality customer?”
“Death prediction?”
“Could it be…”
“Could it be that his system was finally activated?”
“What the f*ck!”
“I’ve waited too long for this day!”
Li Yidao was not originally from this world. He was from another beautiful world.
Therefore, he was a standard transmigrator. The system was finally activated! He had been waiting for this day to come!
Li Yidao did not say anything else. He suppressed the excitement in his heart and followed the system’s notification. He immediately gave a Like and followed.
His account hadn’t followed anyone before. After all, he was in the funeral service industry, so following others might bring bad luck, right?
He still had professional ethics.
If that young lady got angry and blocked him, he would be unable to see those perfect yoga pants anymore.
In addition to following, Li Yidao also left a promotional message in the comments section.
[No worries after death, Li Yidao will escort you. Full-service one-stop, ensuring peace of mind for your loved ones. Pre-bookings enjoy a 50% discount!]
No matter what, the system had been activated. He could not let the system down.
And what if this was a temperamental system? What would he do if it got upset and disappeared?
…
After Li Yidao liked the post and followed it, he calmed down and hesitated for a moment.
In the end, he opened Enchanting Little Witch’s profile.
He couldn’t just watch her die, right?
He still believed in the system. The 99% probability proved that she still had a glimmer of hope!
He should remind her if he could.
After all, saving a life was more meritorious than building a seven-level pagoda.
And when he saw the number of followers on her profile, he couldn’t help but exclaim in surprise.
“Wow, she was actually a popular streamer with over a million followers!”
However, thinking about her perfect figure, it was normal for her to have so many people following her.
In the world of the internet, the number of horny guys was always unpredictable.
However…
When Li Yidao saw the symbol in the gender section on this person’s profile, he felt like his eyes were playing tricks on him.
He felt that his eyes were blurry.
This thing… was a man’s logo, right?
He subconsciously rubbed his eyes and looked again.
That was right.
“F*ck!”
“F*ck!”
This Enchanting Little Witch was actually a guy?
“What the f*ck!”
Just the thought of it made him sick…
“Ugh.”
Li Yidao almost vomited in disgust.
Instinctively, he wanted to close the person’s profile and ignore it.
But after thinking for a moment, he gritted his teeth and opened the message box.
“You have to control your diet! Your body is your biggest asset! Be careful!”
After composing this message, he planned to send it to this person.
However, just as his finger was about to press the send button.
Suddenly, a feeling of palpitation overwhelmed his heart.
His heartbeat suddenly accelerated!
It was a feeling of death!
He seriously doubted that if he dared to click send, the next moment the Grim Reaper might be standing in front of him, swinging the scythe to chop off his head!
“Gulp~” Subconsciously, Li Yidao swallowed a mouthful of saliva and deleted the message he had just composed.
Only then did that feeling of palpitation disappear.
His eyes were filled with dullness.
His entire body was drenched in sweat.
There seemed to be a voice reminding him.
The heavenly secrets… must not be revealed…
