I PICKED UP A CHILD IN A DUMPSTER-Chapter 67: CLOWNERY.

「KWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ」

Si Hon’s eye twitched.

"Fuck... both of you."

Seorin finally released his hair, still snickering under her breath.

She glanced toward the pile of mole-rat corpes..

"Oh right."

She casually walked over to where his spatial bag had landed earlier— carelessly thrown aside off screened... and picked it up. 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝘦𝓌𝑒𝑏𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝘭.𝒸𝘰𝑚

"Almost forgot," she muttered, brushing snow off it. "Did you forget that... we’re supposed to get food for hana...? No... for us." She sigh. "Hana’s stomach is probably growling like... a dinosaur."

"Yea.... I forgot about that too." Si Hon Responded.

Well anyway, she approached the pile of mole-rats.

Up close, they were even uglier. Hairless. Sagging gray skin hanging loosely over lumpy muscle. Their faces were twisted into permanently offended expressions, blunt teeth exposed beneath shriveled gums.

The black blood coating them had already half-frozen in the cold, drying into cracked, tar-like patches that flaked slightly whenever she nudged one with her boot.

Seorin slightly tilt her head and muttered."Ew... that’s disgusting."

Well... without further commentary, she opened the spatial bag.

The distortion shimmered faintly at its mouth.

She grabbed one by its loose, saggy fucking skin— which stretched unpleasantly before giving way— and tossed it in.

"Fwuop."

Gone.

Another by the tail.

"Fwuop."

Gone.

But. One particularly large one slipped from her grip because of the dried black crust on its body and smacked face-first into the snow.

She stared at it for a second.

Then casually kicked it into the bag.

Within moments, the grotesque pile was gone, well there’s still a lot more... but there was no need to get all of those anyways.

Seorin brushed her hands together.

"Thank god, I’m done..."

Behind her, Si Hon was still lying face-first in the snow.

Still glaring.

Still bleeding.

Steam rising faintly from him like a dying engine.

"...Wow," she said thoughtfully. "You look very cool right now."

He didn’t respond.

She walked back over and crouched slightly beside him.

Without warning, she slid one arm under his knees and the other behind his back.

Then she lifted him.

No grunt.

No strain.

No adjustment.

Si Hon rose off the ground like he weighed absolutely nothing.

She blinked once.

"Oh."

She bounced him lightly in her arms as if testing the weight.

"See? Easy peasy."

His head lolled slightly, eyes half-open, glare weak but present.

"Put me down..."

"Nope."

She shifted him once in her arms, then casually swung him over her shoulder in one smooth motion.

Fireman carry.

Effortless.

His upper body dangled down her back, arms hanging loosely, katana still barely clutched in one hand like he was stubbornly refusing to drop it even in semi-conscious defeat.

Snowflakes drifted quietly around them.

Seorin adjusted her grip with one hand, completely stable.

"Well," she said lightly, starting to walk, feet crunching softly in the snow, "I should at least do this much."

She tilted her head slightly.

"You did technically not die."

Si Hon made a faint, offended sound.

"I... I carried... the fight..."

"Mhmm."

"You screamed and stabbed its foot, though."

"Strategy."

"Sure."

And just like that, she walked off through the trees with him slung over her shoulder like a mildly inconvenient grocery bag.

***

(Running through the forest, while carrying Si-Si Hon..)

Si Hon muttered weakly against her back, his voice muffled by fabric and exhaustion.

"Put me down."

"No."

"I can walk."

"You fell after five steps."

"It was six."

She didn’t even slow down.

"It was five."

The familiar blue window flickered into existence beside her head as she moved.

「Five. It was confirmed. (￣ー￣)」

Si Hon made a strained, offended sound, somewhere between a groan and a dying protest.

Well... She kept running.

Not panicked— just efficient. Her feet tore through the snow with steady, powerful strides, barely slipping despite the uneven forest floor. Branches brushed past her shoulders. Frosted leaves cracked underfoot.

And she carried him as if he were nothing more than a rolled-up blanket tossed over her shoulder, her balance never faltering even as she weaved between trees with practiced ease.

Si Hon, however, was very aware of the fact that he was bouncing with every step.

"Slow... down..." he muttered between jolts.

Seorin: "No."

S/H: "I said I can walk."

Seorin: "You can’t even run, let’s see if you can keep up with me."

S/H: "...."

Seorin: "Exacly."

With a final word, Si Hon... "Tsk."

The forest blurred around them as she accelerated slightly, clearly enjoying the argument more than she should.

Then—

His grip loosened.

The katana, which he had stubbornly refused to drop even while half-conscious, slipped from his fingers.

It tilted.

Fell.

Spun once in the air.

For a split second, it looked like it would bury itself blade-first into the snow and disappear behind them.

Seorin didn’t even turn her head.

Her free hand moved.

Casual.

Effortless.

She reached back mid-run and caught the katana cleanly by the sheath just before it hit the ground, the motion so smooth it barely interrupted her stride.

Let me say it again as a narrator, the blade didn’t even touch the snow.

She swung it forward and tucked it securely against her side while still running.

"You’re welcome," she said lightly.

Si Hon blinked weakly upside down.

"I had that."

"Mm. Clearly."

The blue window reappeared again, bouncing slightly as it kept pace beside her.

「Kwahahahahsh ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽」

Si Hon made another exhausted sound of pure resentment and let his arm dangle.

Snowflakes drifted through the air as Seorin continued deeper into the forest, her pace unwavering, carrying the battered, bloodied, semi-conscious "hero" like he was nothing more than an inconvenient but mildly entertaining piece of luggage.

***

(A lot of quiet time till Shit starts happening.)

The forest rushed past them in streaks of white and gray as Seorin continued running, her breathing steady, her stride powerful, her balance unshaken despite the half-conscious human slung over her shoulder.

Si Hon opened his mouth to continue protesting.

He didn’t get the chance.

"Pfft."

Seorin’s shoulders jerked once.

Then again.

"Wait."

Si Hon narrowed his eyes upside down.

"...ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ...?"

She tried to keep running normally.

She failed.

"My bad... my bad, I just remembered..."

Her grip tightened around his legs as her body started shaking.

"The way you stabbed that thing’s feet— pf— pffff—"

Her composure cracked.

"AGH!!"

She inhaled sharply through her teeth, trying to suppress it.

Failed again.

She held it in longer than she should have, shoulders trembling violently as she continued running.

Tears started forming at the corners of her eyes.

"Si Hon."

"What."

"W—W—"

She tried to speak.

Her lips twitched.

"Why did you stab its feet by the way? ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ"

There was a pause.

Si Hon blinked slowly.

Then, with what little dignity he had left, he answered confidently.

"Its heart was in its feet. Didn’t you see the notification pop when I stabbed its foot?"

Silence.

Seorin’s face went blank.

For exactly half a second.

Then—

She lost it.

"F-FUCK— AGWHAHAHAHAHWHGWHAHAGA!"

Her running form wobbled as she laughed so hard she almost tripped.

"Gah! stop— STOP— WHAHAHAHHHA!"

Her body shook violently now, not from effort, but from trying— and failing— to contain the laughter.

Si Hon dangled there.

Completely upside down.

Speechless.

Snowflakes hit his face.

Somewhere deep inside, something fragile cracked.

With a slight embarrassed look— one she thankfully couldn’t see... he whispered quietly toward the air.

"...System. Confirm it."

There was a pause.

"...Its heart was in its feet, right?"

Nothing happened at first.

Then—

Very slowly—

A translucent window appeared in front of his upside-down vision.

It was trembling.

Actually trembling.

Shaking so hard the borders jittered.

「N-NO... you’re wrong, it was on its right chest, ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽ stop ittt you’re killing us!!!」

Si Hon’s eyes twitched.

"ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ..."

"Then why did it pop up when I stabbed its foot?"

The window flickered in visible distress.

「There’s something called delayed, okay?! Please stop, Si Hon... I can’t take this anymore. ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽」

Seorin had gone quiet.

Too quiet.

Her shoulders were shaking again— but not from running.

From restraint.

Her lips were pressed into a tight line. Her jaw visibly clenched. She even stiffened her posture mid-run like she was physically bracing herself against the urge.

A tiny choking noise escaped her.

She tried to swallow it down.

Failed.

A faint wheeze slipped out.

Then another.

Her entire body trembled as she desperately tried to hold the laughter in.

Si Hon slowly processed everything.

Right, left chest.

Delayed notification.

Foot stab.

He closed his eyes.

"Oh."

That single syllable nearly ended her.

She broke again.

"AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHEHSHAHAGGA!"

She had to slow down now, bending forward slightly while still carrying him, laughing so hard tears streamed down her face.

"W-wait...!"

She inhaled hard, and continued running.

Si Hon just dangled there in silence.

The forest continued rushing past.

Snow drifted gently.

The system window quietly sniffled beside them.

「Please... I’m begging you... no more feet logic...」

Seorin wiped at her eyes with her sleeve while still shaking.

Si Hon stared blankly at the trees.

Somewhere in the distance, a crow cawed.

The ring on his finger pulsed once.

Weakly.

As if even it was embarrassed.

And for the first time since the fight— Si Hon didn’t say anything.

He just let himself bounce quietly against Seorin’s back while she continued trembling with barely-contained laughter, carrying him deeper into the forest like the world’s most defeated strategist.

After a while, the forest grew quieter.

Only the rhythm of Seorin’s footsteps and the distant whisper of wind through the trees filled the space between them. Snow brushed against her shoulders as she ran, steady and controlled, Si Hon balanced over her shoulder like he weighed nothing at all.

Then—

A slightly darkened window slid into view beside them.

Soft black.

Calm.

Still.

「파파 It’s okay... <(￣︶￣)>」

Si Hon’s eyes twitched.

"ಠ_ಠ..."

He didn’t even have the energy to argue with it anymore.

Before he could speak, another window appeared.

Blue.

No shaking.

No emoticon.

No teasing tilt.

It hovered in complete stillness.

「Si Hon... use your spare stat points. And check your status.」

That was strange.

There was no face.

No wobble.

No playful distortion.

Just... flat instruction.

Seorin felt it too.

Her steps slowed slightly, ever so slightly, though she said nothing.

Si Hon exhaled.

"...Status."

The blue window expanded.

「600 EXP Acquired」

────────────────────────

Name: Si Hon

Level: 20

EXP: 300 / 1050

Tendency: Careful strategies.

Job: Unemployed

Title: new!

Thief — tap for more...

A clown — tap for more...

Free Stat Points: 5

Strength: 27

Agility: 19

Stamina: 33

Endurance: 33

Luck: 21

Intelligence: 19

Mana: 12

────────────────────────

He stared.

Long.

Silent.

At the glowing words.

A clown...

"...ಠ_ಠ..."

A faint breeze passed between the trees.

"I’ll use it later... Dismissed."

The window vanished obediently.

For a moment, there was only silence again.

Seorin hadn’t spoken.

She hadn’t slowed.

She hadn’t reacted.

But her shoulders— Were stiff.

Very stiff.

Painfully stiff.

Her jaw tightened.

Her lips trembled.

And then— Her mouth moved.

"...Please."

Her voice was strained.

"Just stay still..."

Her grip on him adjusted slightly as if she were holding back something dangerous.

A second passed.

Then—

"Halwhahaha— oh my god, what is this clownery?! ༎ຶ-⁠༎ຶ"

She bust.

Not graceful laughter.

Not elegant.

It was violent, sudden.

Unrestrained.

Her shoulders shook as she kept running, trying and failing to suppress it, snow scattering under her feet.

Si Hon dangled there in silence.

"I hate this system."

The blue window flickered once in the distance.

As if pleased.