I Will Be the Greatest Knight-Chapter 419: Closer to the Truth

Was she meant to pull him closer or push him away? Her selfish heart fought against her dutiful mind. He was her Commander whom she should not seek comfort from when it came to such personal matters, yet his warmth was compelling enough for her to stay and allow her sorrows to come forth in the form of silent tears.

Her hands remained on her face as she tried her hardest to get herself together. This weak and pathetic side of herself was the furthest thing from how she wanted to present herself to the only man who had ever moved her heart.

Yet she found solace in his piney scent. It only grew stronger when he realized she was shivering, and he removed his cape bearing his family crest before placing it over her shoulders. He resumed hugging her so close to him.

She eventually gave in as she removed her hands from her face and found comfort in his broad chest. Even in the dimness of the practice yard, she could see that her face was level with the upper part of his chest and neck, which were exposed to the cold but seemed not to faze him. In a daring move, she loosely wrapped her arms around him, testing the waters—entirely undecided if she liked or hated this kind of comfort.

"Why do I keep kidding myself?" Irene wondered, her voice muffled.

There was enough time for his quiet contemplation before he asked, "What are you talking about?"

The gentle ministrations he gave her back made her feel completely exhausted. It was like his hands had the power to melt her down, and she was now clay in his hands. With her palpability came the desire to confess everything that was wrong.

She even got the courage to pull away and acknowledge the face of the man who had seemed to pull her together before she could fall apart. Did he like her? Did he hate her? Would he like her if she weren’t a knight? It seemed to be the case for her mother.

"I’m a knight," she whispered her response.

His arms didn’t leave her, but he held her loosely enough that they could actually talk to one another.

"You are a knight," he confirmed. "You’re a very good knight, too."

All she could do was search his face for disgust, but it never seemed to come. In fact, his voice seemed almost warmer at the mention that she was a knight.

Most surprisingly, one of his arms left her waist, and he pushed her fiery hair away from her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. His hand then traveled inward, and his thumb brushed away the tears on her left cheek.

Her hands tightened at his sides. She was unsure of how to be handled so gently. She felt strangely incompatible with that sort of treatment, and it made her resistant.

"Do you like being a knight?" he wondered, taking her from her thoughts.

Her eyes left his face quickly. They squeezed shut, and her face angled away from him.

"I love it so much," she whispered.

But the judgment she expected to appear never did. Instead, he observed, "You know, only you would leave a banquet to practice with a sword."

"I’m sorry," she apologized. "I know it isn’t becoming of a lady—"

With her sorrow came her trying to escape his grasp, but he tightened his arms, stopping her completely.

"I prefer you this way," he explained. "I don’t like banquets either." 𝘧𝘳𝘦ℯ𝓌𝘦𝒷𝘯𝑜𝑣𝘦𝓁.𝒸𝘰𝓂

Her shock was evident. "Why?" she asked. Why would he prefer a woman who looked so boyish and disgusting as she did? As the maids said, as her mother said, she was permanently scarred and no longer beautiful.

"You look happier like this," he admitted. "At least, you did when you were practicing before."

"Then... you heard," she realized, horrified, and had to look away again.

"I want you to know that you don’t have to go home if you don’t want to," he explained. "You can return to the Tower with the rest of the knights if you would like. I thought that seeing your family would be good. I didn’t know..."

He didn’t say it. He didn’t have to.

After her mother behaved like that, it was probably incomprehensible that she would want to return home. Despite it, she missed everything in her father’s home, from the people to the feeling. It would be good to be rid of these heavy thoughts about her Commander and feel carefree for a while. She was certain her brother and father could elicit a bit from her.

"I’ll go home," she decided. "I want to see my father and my younger brother."

She could tell he didn’t understand, but he was polite enough to only nod. It wasn’t entirely his business, after all.

The silence led to a moment of clarity, and Irene felt unbelievably nervous. They had been talking while holding onto one another, and she only just seemed to realize.

But would someone hold onto her like this if they didn’t like her? Beyond the relationship of a knight and her Commander. He didn’t necessarily have to comfort her, but he especially didn’t have to hug her, nor did he have to offer her his cape and keep her warm. He had listened to her worries, and he calmed her down without issue.

Could there be more...?

There was a sense of ’now or never’ that struck her, and her gaze traveled upwards until she met his eyes again.

"You wanted to ask me something after we danced earlier," she quietly recalled.

There was fleeting panic in his eyes.

For some reason, it caused her heart to race.

"I’ve had too much to drink," he admitted. "When you return in the spring, we can talk further about what I wanted to ask."

There it was: nervousness. It was a mere flicker, but it sprouted hope inside of her.

He loosened his grip, but she decided to step closer. She wanted to test a theory. Call it liquid courage, but she wasn’t patient, nor was she ladylike.

Just as he had done to her before, she reached towards his face and brushed her thumb against his cheek. She then stood on her toes, pressing a kiss against the opposite cheek from her hand.

"Then I look forward to our conversation when we return," she said.

Suddenly, he tightened his arms around her and buried his face in the hair that covered her neck.

All she could do was blink a few times as she stared at the starlit sky. Her heart was miserably beating against him, but she could swear she could feel his as well. He seemed so desperate, but he didn’t yet know how desperate she was as well.

They were two lonely people calling to each other, and the closest they had been to a proper response.

However, Sylaron’s timing was amazing. She landed in the practice yard and caused a thump that would likely wake up most of the partygoers that night.

Immediately, the Commander moved forward and held an arm back. For once, Irene didn’t complain because she didn’t have her sword with her and felt a bit bare without it.