I Will Be the Greatest Knight-Chapter 445: Thoughtful

Irene felt ridiculous as she rushed away from the Commander’s chambers, her head hot and face likely matching the hair on her head.

As she passed the maids and gave them slight nods—something she had always done to politely acknowledge their presence—it felt off. Their gazes were a bit burdensome. She suddenly felt as if she was being accused of something she wasn’t. People she had never been self conscious in front of before were changing before her eyes and she wasn’t sure if she liked it.

The urge to tell them that she had only closed the Commander’s door when she entered was because she didn’t want the heat in his room to leave was present in her thoughts, but she managed to resist. She was a composed knight even if she was inexperienced in the realm of affection for another person.

Fortunately, the maids on the lower levels were occupying themselves for next day preparations so she didn’t have to face them with the strange shame she felt.

Only when she was settled in her barrack with the door shut, she removed her thicker clothing and got into something comfortable. From there, she heated up a few herbs in water. A calming tincture was what it was called in the Volna book she occasionally read.

Times like that she wished she could talk to her grandmother about the complicated things she felt because it felt like she was the only woman she could talk to without judgment. At least the Volna books and the Sunstoian blood running through her veins was still her connection.

Her parents always told her not to sit so close to the fire but Irene couldn’t help herself as she sat there with a blanket over her shoulders and one of her knees pressing against her chest as she leaned into it. Occasionally the clay mug she had was lifted to her lips. She decided to add a bit more honey because she wanted something sweet.

What a burdening secret, she thought.

It was obvious the Commander wouldn’t want her to spread to others what they had been up to. She also didn’t want it spread to others because she didn’t want anyone to underestimate her or believe she had climbed the ranks through favors only a woman could offer a man. The thought made her shudder.

Her life had become so complicated but she really liked the way the Commander made her feel so energetic—as if she could face any monster or trial without issue.

Eventually, Irene wound herself down enough that she could climb into bed after brushing her teeth with a piece of linen and bit of salt. One thing her mother always told her was that drinking something sweet before bed would make her teeth hurt.

Irene ended up sleeping on her side, staring at the faint glow of the fire in her stove as she fell into a restless sleep full of dreams about something she didn’t know how to face.

Despite that, she woke up early enough that she could attend morning practice with Felix and she had never been more glad for her sword than at that moment.

There was one constant in her life that had always remained true and that was her love for her weapon. A buried desire to wield a sword and rise above the ceiling placed above her. She had already risen higher than most people expected, so she believed there were no limits. Being better than the best was her current goal.

It was nice to see Felix’s face light up when he saw Irene walk onto the practice yard wearing sturdy clothing that pointed to her desire to practice with the others.

"Decided to join us on your first day back?" he asked. "Hopefully you’ve been practicing hard."

"I’ve been practicing harder than anyone," she insisted. "My untrained brother could handle most apprentices here. That’s the power of Sünstoian people."

She stood straight and proud, a teasing smirk on her lips as she spoke. That was only some of the truth. Admittedly, her body wasn’t that Sünstoian because she took after her mother. Every bit of muscle she had amassed was due to her Sünstoian spirit. That was what mattered for her and her ability to press onwards.

To her, there were few things nicer than swinging her sword and feeling her shoulders burn as she brought herself to the limit. Even more satisfying was the way the limit got higher the more she practiced, how monsters seemed smaller the more experience she had.

Felix called out the moves, occasionally repeating or going faster to keep those in attendance on their toes. Since Irene decided to participate that day, she wasn’t spared just because of her rank. At a misstep, Felix called, "Tighten your swing!"

It didn’t embarrass her, it only made her hold her handle a bit tighter and focus harder. There was no time for her mind to wander despite how full it must be.

Eventually, Irene did have to step back to her proper rank because they were going to spar with one another and the purpose of the matches was to learn how to lose and win, not get discouraged because Irene found pleasure in wiping the floor with new apprentices. Only Bren could likely give her a run for her money. That wasn’t important now as he need to establish himself as something else considering the Commander had asked him to be his apprentice.

"Thought you would be an apprentice today?" Felix asked Irene as she stepped towards the top of the practice yard. "That didn’t last long."

"I merely wanted to sweat," she admitted. "I have energy to spend."

"If you have so much energy, perhaps you would like to go one village over to help me rebuild someone’s barn with a few apprentices," Felix explained. "It collapsed just before the melt. Unfortunate that it couldn’t hold on a bit longer."

To Felix’s surprise, Irene hesitated, but she quickly shaped up.

"Of course, I’ll go," she responded easily.

However, Irene became more antsy as the practice continued on and eventually winded down.

As they went into the dining hall, Irene never sat down. Instead, she went to a maid and requested two bowls of porridge, one a bit more mild and softer than the other.

Felix said she had about an hour to prepare to leave. 𝕗𝐫𝐞𝕖𝕨𝐞𝗯𝚗𝕠𝘃𝐞𝚕.𝐜𝗼𝚖

With that hour, she knew what she would spend her time doing.

As the red-headed knight disappeared through the dining hall’s tall wooden door, Felix’s blue eyes followed her, slightly narrowed. Her behavior since returning had been a bit uncharacteristic.