Kissing My Student, It's Over if We're Caught-Chapter 1Volume 2 .8 - Takagami Yuzuka - Regrets in Life: Unrequited Love

“Gin, I’ve fallen for someone,” Yuzu confessed.

Instead of asking why, I found myself asking who.

I still can’t forget Yuzu’s troubled smile from back then.

“Gin, I told you first, didn’t I? Girls… they’re creatures skilled at lying,” Yuzu continued, seeing my confusion.

“Let’s not drag this out further. Before we hurt each other beyond repair, let’s break up gracefully, okay? That way, it remains a beautiful love story,” she suggested.

In the end, it was my selfishness that hurt Yuzu and pushed her to initiate the breakup. Despite my promise to cherish her, I failed to prioritize her feelings as a lover. Agreeing to the breakup was my way of setting Yuzu free, believing it to be the best for her.

This became a significant regret towards the benefactor who gave me confidence and self-affirmation.

Proof of that is how I normally try not to dwell on the past, and now that I’ve recalled it— I feel so pathetic and terribly sorry for Yuzu.

“…Gin?” Yuzu called out, pulling me back to the present.

“What’s wrong?”

“…I was just thinking about the past. From when we started dating until we broke up.”

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

“The breakup was initiated by me. Yet, Yuzu suggested we end things amicably. Even after breaking up, you kept in touch… That definitely lessened my guilt. For that, I’m truly grateful.”

“…Mm.” Yuzu seemed to reminisce about the past too, her expression turning sad.

“Was the ‘falling for someone else’ part a lie?”

“…Yes. I knew if I spilled everything, I’d end up crying. I didn’t want to trouble you with that. I still liked you even back then.”

Hearing this new information for the first time left me speechless. Yuzu stared at me intently.

“Gin always prioritized what I wanted. You gave in to me about travel destinations and even joined me in sports I liked even though you struggled… That’s why I loved you and decided if you found something you were passionate about, I’d definitely join you and support you. I was happy to see you engrossed in that game… But I couldn’t share that with you. It’s a silly thing, but I felt lonely as the game seemed to take you away.”

…As I suspected.

“That’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense. That’s why I couldn’t bear to make a scene. But the reality was that being together was painful… I loved you, Gin. You were my first long-lasting boyfriend, and I thought you were ‘the one.’ It made me sad not to be your number one.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m not blaming you! I think my vibe around you changed too. We did different things even in the same room, right? And I left you alone during our last summer vacation to get my diving license. It was mutual.”

…

“We broke up, but not because I hated you. I broke up because I loved you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have made such a promise when we split.”

“…That promise?”

“About if we’re still single around thirty, let’s get married.”

“You’re serious about that, wanting to get back together? You didn’t take that seriously?”

“I thought it was just a polite lie to break up smoothly… I didn’t imagine you not having a partner in the future. And besides, we’re not even close to thirty yet.”

“I want to come back to you so much that I wish to bring that promise forward… I know it’s selfish.”

Yuzu looked down, seemingly apologetic.

“Reflecting on the breakup, I realize now how childish I was… Now I understand. Even if two people love each other, they can’t always be each other’s ‘number one.’ That’s just in movies or fairy tales. It was a huge mistake to break up over a moment of loneliness.”

Yuzu then fixed a determined gaze on me.

“After joining the company, I tried dating men who showed interest. But I never let them touch me. There wasn’t a single one I felt okay with. No matter who I dated, I couldn’t forget Gin. The more I experienced, the larger your presence grew in my life. The only exception was the ex I lived with. I thought maybe it could work with him, but in hindsight, he reminded me of you in many ways. Yet, he wasn’t you. In the end, I was just chasing after your shadow… I let go of my happiness by breaking up with you.”

…

“But taking the long way round wasn’t a waste. I’ve come to realize something because of it. Even if we like different things, even if the passionate feelings fade, being with you never felt painful. Being in the same room doing different activities but still being able to live together… That was actually amazing.”

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…Indeed. That’s certainly true, I thought to myself.

“I was defeated by my own childish loneliness back then… But it’s different now. I won’t feel that way nor trouble you anymore. Love is important, but thinking about marriage, I know for sure you’re the one for me. So… can we try again?”

Yuzu paused to catch her breath.

“I won’t let go or leave this time… Can we be together again?”

Yuzu, having poured her heart out, waited for my response. …Since yesterday, I’ve been thinking, “Yuzu hasn’t changed,” “She’s still the same,” but that’s completely wrong. Compared to the Yuzu of the past, she seemed to have grown significantly.

Even back when we broke up, looking back, she was far more mature than I ever was.

I remember feeling the same way when I first heard rumors about Yuzu at university.

“She’s the same age as me, yet saying ‘sleeping with a man is just one form of communication’… She seemed like a much more advanced woman,” I thought with almost admiration.

Yuzu was, and still is, more adult than me.

…And that’s incredibly dazzling. Honestly, I’m envious.

“I’ve never hated Yuzu. There were misunderstandings, but I loved you even when we broke up. And that hasn’t changed.”

How many times did I think of calling Yuzu when I was harshly criticized at my first job, feeling miserable?

But I couldn’t do it because deep down, I probably knew.

Yuzu would undoubtedly come to help if I asked.

No matter the situation, she might even fly over to me.

Listening to her story just now, my guess likely wasn’t off.

But if that had happened, it would have significantly altered Yuzu’s life as well.

I couldn’t drag Yuzu into my crumbling life.

That’s why I didn’t rely on Yuzu when things were tough at work, nor after I quit.

If I had relied on her… the answer I’m about to give might have been different.

“The story you shared was very important. Thank you for telling me. I’m truly grateful and even admire you. Yuzu is still very important to me… But I’m sorry. I can’t be with you again.”

I have Kirihara.

…It was Kirihara who supported me during my tough times.

I can’t betray her trust in me.

Yuzu froze for a few seconds before asking,

“Can I ask why?”

“That’s… I’m sorry. Even to Yuzu, I can’t say. There are circumstances. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to tell you… but not now.”

“…I see.”

Yuzu sighed deeply and slumped over the table.

“A failed attempt at a last-ditch effort… how embarrassing…”

…Well, it’s natural, considering she was turned down on a proposal.

“What should I do about a place to stay… I could only rely on my parents’ house, but if I go back there, it’s… you know…”

…

…Hmm.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…