Kissing My Student, It's Over if We're Caught-Chapter 4Volume 2 .3 - Kirihara Touka - Current Goal: To Grow Up Quickly

…Though the reasons were somewhat different from what I had thought, I knew this situation would arise, which is why I couldn’t tell Yuzu the truth. I knew that if Yuzu found out I was in love with a student, she would definitely try to stop me, thinking about my future.

But knowing what would be said allowed me to prepare in advance.

…All I had to do was convey the answer I had prepared to Yuzu.

“I understand what you’re trying to say, Yuzu… But I’m sorry. I can’t accept that invitation. If I chose you, Kirihara would be sad. And I don’t want that.”

“…So you’re okay with being exposed?”

“Yeah. I’m prepared for it.”

I braced myself and returned Yuzu’s gaze with a resolute attitude.

I could sense Yuzu hesitating.

“Even if it leads to ruin, I choose Kirihara. Even if everything is exposed, I can’t belong to Yuzu. If exposed, I’ll protect her with all I have. It was all my doing, my fault, that’s the risk I’ll take.”

“Ah, no, Sensei, that’s not okay…”

“It’s alright, Kirihara. It’s all decided.”

To Yuzu, who was unaware of Kurei-sensei’s situation, I briefly explained.

“There was a time when we were almost exposed before. Kirihara protected me then. If it happens again, I decided it’s my turn to protect her.”

The room fell into a deep silence.

“Yuzu… you understand, right?”

The moment I said that, Yuzu made a complex expression.

It wasn’t anger or sadness… just a clear sense of giving up, a strange expression that conveyed resignation.

“…So, she means that much to you.”

Yuzu let out a faint smile… though it ended up being more of a grimace, the intention was clear.

“Got rejected again. Really, I’m so pathetic…”

After muttering sadly, Yuzu glanced at me.

“Gin, can you tell me something? If I had held onto you like I just did back when we were still together… would we have not broken up?”

“…Yeah.”

“When my ex-boyfriend who kicked me out asked me back, I hesitated whether to call you and say I still loved you. But you said you were about to change jobs and it’d be busy, so I couldn’t say it… If I had called you then, would you have reconsidered us?”

“…Yeah.”

“Before her, if I had… I, had…”

I understood what Yuzu most wanted to confirm.

“If things had been slightly different, I would have been with Yuzu. I’ve cherished you even after we broke up. When you said you were living with another man, I felt lonely… but I wanted you to be happy, so I didn’t say anything.”

“…Yeah. Got it. Thanks.”

Yuzu roughly wiped her eyes with her arm.

“Kirihara-chan, was it? Sorry for scaring you.”

Kirihara, receiving a smile from Yuzu, shook her head vigorously.

“Forget what I said earlier. Please make Gin happy, okay?”

Kirihara nodded firmly.

Yuzu turned to me, calling my name softly, “Gin.”

“Be happy… it’s a promise, okay?”

…She was smiling, yet tears streamed down her face.

“Goodbye. Bye-bye.”

With those words, Yuzu ran away.

Kirihara and I silently watched her leave. The roughly opened front door loudly shut behind her.

“…Aren’t you going to chase after her?”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t know what to say… I don’t have the right to say anything.”

It wasn’t self-deprecation, but a sincere thought.

…After all, I had prepared “that.”

My business bag was placed near the TV stand.

At the bottom of that bag was a USB memory stick containing the selfies Yuzu had recently sent me.

There were probably some nearly nude photos among them.

I hadn’t told Kirihara, and I didn’t plan to, but if Yuzu hadn’t backed down, I might have threatened to leak those if exposed.

Just like with Kurei-sensei’s case… An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

The simplest way to protect a secret.

But I started with persuasion because it was Yuzu.

It was scary to bet on Ms. Kurei’s good nature, but Yuzu was different.

I knew Yuzu well. If she knew she couldn’t have me, she would prioritize what I wanted… I believed that, so I led with persuasion.

And Yuzu lived up to my trust and expectations.

I probably won’t need that data anymore. I plan to delete it all later.

But… the fact that I prepared a countermeasure means I definitely don’t have the right to chase after Yuzu.

Just like her ex-boyfriend, I crossed a line, aware of my own actions.

…This bitter feeling is something I must never forget for the rest of my life.

“Kirihara, sorry for dragging you into all this. But I think this is the last time I’ll meet or contact Yuzu. So you can rest assured—eh?”

When I looked at her, I couldn’t help but exclaim. Kirihara was looking down sadly, shedding tears.

Confused, she even apologized to me.

“It’s because I’m a child that I hurt Gin… Just like with Kurei-sensei, I always make Gin give up something important.”

“That’s not true, Kirihara. That’s different.”

I hugged Kirihara as she began to cry more.

Kirihara wouldn’t stop crying.

“Does this love only bring unhappiness to everyone…?”

“It’s not like that,” I reassured her close to her ear.

“Even if it does, I choose you.”

No matter how much I spoke, Kirihara couldn’t stop crying.

…Perhaps Yuzu was crying somewhere at this moment too.

I regret making them cry, even though I don’t regret my choice.

＊＊＊

After Yuzuka left, Gin comforted me as I continued to cry.

Even though I couldn’t stop crying, he prepared a bath for me and sent me off to soak.

…When I got out of the bath, Gin had already started drinking alone.

He insisted on using what I had prepared in the fridge.

“…I’m going to bed first.”

Thinking it was best to leave him alone, I crawled into bed by myself.

But I couldn’t sleep at all.

There was no sign of Gin coming.

It was already past two in the morning.

Worried, I went to check on Gin, and the lights were still on.

…Gin was asleep, slumped over the dining table.

The traces of tears on his face, was it just my sentimentality?

“…I’m sorry.”

While comforting me, he kept saying, “Don’t worry about it.”

I understood how much Yuzuka cherished Gin and how much Gin valued her…

But Gin threw all that away to choose me.

The enormity of his decision made me happy but also anxious.

This kind man, too sensitive to others’ pain, understands people’s feelings too well.

It’s a wonderful talent but equally dangerous.

He thinks it’s better to be hurt himself than to see others suffer.

That might someday lead Gin to destroy himself… and that fills me with anxiety.

“Gin is an adult… too much so.”

What separates a child from an adult isn’t age.

A key factor is a sense of responsibility.

Whether one can consider the impact of their actions on those around them… whether they have that awareness.

For example, Kana-chan, who works with me in the student council, lacks this overwhelmingly. Despite her exceptional abilities, in that regard, she’s still a child.

…But Gin is different.

The cultural festival and Yuzuka’s situation made it clear.

He’ll never run.

Not from his weaknesses, not from his actions.

…And not from our love.

He’d take all the blame if our secret were exposed, promising to protect me.

That wasn’t a lie.

He’d shoulder all the guilt and never see me again… he’s that determined.

He’s risking his life, betting everything on loving me.

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Am I giving back something worthy of that?

At least now… I’m not confident.

I hate myself for making him cross dangerous bridges for such childish reasons as being lonely and wanting to be together.

“Gin. I want to become an adult like you soon.”

Not about being able to date openly after graduation… but to become a woman who can protect Gin as much as he cherishes me.

To envelop him as he does for me, to become a noble woman…

I’ll start thinking about what I can do for that, even now.

There must be something.