Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It-Chapter 132: If You Don’t Even Want Me, Who Could You Possibly Like?
They say in an adult relationship, you should love your partner seventy percent at most, keeping the other thirty to protect yourself.
Zhou Mochen was an incredibly cunning man, yet now he was laying all his cards on the table. It was as if he were afraid Xu Su wouldn’t have anything to hold over him, so he served up his weaknesses on a silver platter.
He said, "I’m sorry for saying those unpleasant things at your school last time. Xu Su, I never meant to threaten you, really. I just want to cherish you and always be good to you."
"So, tell me, what is it you hate about me? List it all out, and I’ll change accordingly. I don’t want you to hate me."
For days, the image of Xu Su’s loathing gaze had been replaying in Zhou Mochen’s mind. It even appeared in his dreams, abruptly interrupting some sensual fantasy with her disgusted expression and jolting him awake.
Every time he woke from these dreams, the empty feeling in his chest sent a chill through his entire body.
He was a smart man, and regret had long since taken root in his heart. ’He was wrong... He shouldn’t have said those things...’
Zhou Mochen didn’t want Xu Su’s eyes to be filled with disgust every time she saw him from now on. ’If that were the case, would he truly be happy, even if he managed to keep her by his side through other means?’
This was the fundamental reason he wanted to have a frank talk with Xu Su today.
Xu Su was stunned by Zhou Mochen’s words.
’He was such a proud man. Even when he was in the wrong, he’d probably test the waters to see just how wrong he was. Zhou Mochen would never willingly admit his mistakes unless he was truly at a dead end.’
’At least, that’s how the Zhou Mochen of her past life had been.’
’In her previous life, it wasn’t until after they had been entangled for many years that the seemingly indestructible young man had finally bowed his head before her, repeating over and over that he was wrong...’
’In this life, he hadn’t even started his descent into madness, yet he was already admitting he was wrong?’
Xu Su stared, utterly shocked. She couldn’t stop herself from looking at him. Zhou Mochen’s refined features were filled with doting affection. "Tell me what I need to do for you to stop hating me, Susu. Give me a chance. Really. Don’t sentence me to death."
Xu Su’s hands tightened slightly. In the end, she couldn’t resist confirming with him, "Will you still threaten me with my family? Even if I keep ignoring you and never like you?"
Her voice trembled on the last sentence.
Zhou Mochen, however, was completely oblivious. He thought she was just scared because of his previous threats.
Reaching out, he slowly stroked her head. Zhou Mochen hummed in agreement and pressed, "Is there anything else? Take your time and list them out. I have a good memory. Whatever you ask, I’ll do my best to achieve it. Just one thing, Susu. Don’t hate me."
Xu Su tilted her head away to avoid his hand, finding it all a bit hard to believe.
Zhou Mochen looked at her with a resolute expression, his attitude sincere.
"..." Xu Su thought for a moment, then began to list his crimes: "First, no touching without permission. Respect a girl’s wishes."
Zhou Mochen couldn’t help but start haggling on the very first point. He cut in, "Holding hands doesn’t count. Xu Su, I have to be able to touch you."
Xu Su was speechless. ’Sure enough, Zhou Mochen is still Zhou Mochen...’
’His words are prettier than a song. And he said he’d change according to my list...’
Seeing Xu Su’s exasperation, Zhou Mochen explained again, "It’s just because I like you so much, Susu. Please try to understand, okay? Just let me hold your hand. I won’t kiss you again without your consent."
..., After a long silence, Xu Su spoke again, her voice stiff. "Second, don’t threaten me in any way. Whether I want to see you or not is my choice. No coercion or inducement. You can’t just show up at my school, my home, or anywhere else to find me."
Zhou Mochen was full of objections and wanted to haggle again, but seeing Xu Su’s cold expression, he gritted his teeth and nodded. "Fine. I promise. But you remember what I said before. I can’t be without you. I can’t bear it if I don’t see you for a long time."
’Xu Su knew the reason he was willing to compromise. Ultimately, he just wanted her to be with him willingly.’
But she couldn’t help but test him. "Third, if one day I fall for someone else, will you..."
Zhou Mochen cut her off. "That day will never come. Xu Su, I told you before not to talk about that ’if’ again."
His voice turned icy, his eyes holding a look that tolerated no argument. "You don’t even think I’m good enough. Who could you possibly like?"
Xu Su’s expression cooled as well. She scoffed, "Zhou Mochen, you still don’t get why I’m angry. Do you know why I hate you?"
Zhou Mochen said slowly, "You hate that I’m domineering, that I like to hold you without respecting your wishes, right? I’ll be more careful and correct that in the future."
"No, no, no." Xu Su waved her hand, her speech fast and resolute. "What I hate is that with you, I have no absolute right to choose. I don’t like the feeling of being forced into a choice, and I don’t like it when someone arranges things so there’s only one option for me."
"Zhou Mochen, that’s just how you are. You seem to be very good to me, but in reality, you’ve only given me one option: to be with you. Maybe other girls would be thrilled to accept someone like you, but not me. I truly despise the feeling of being controlled."
Xu Su spoke with great sincerity. Every single word came from the bottom of her heart.
Zhou Mochen took her words to heart. He was silent for a very, very long time.
’Actually, deep down, he had always vaguely understood why Xu Su was angry. He just hadn’t been willing to face it.’
After a long while, he spoke, his voice hoarse. "So, who are you going to choose? If I give you the choice, who are you choosing between? Me and who? Has that person appeared yet?"
Xu Su leaned back against her chair. Only after her taut nerves had relaxed slightly did she answer his question. "Do you know that there are some rights you don’t have to exercise, but you absolutely must possess?"
"As an independent person, I have the right to choose for myself. Zhou Mochen, I am not your puppet, and I’m certainly not your pet. On what grounds do you have the right to like me, while I don’t even have the right to choose whether or not to accept it?"
Xu Su reasoned with him earnestly, "Look at it from another perspective. Let’s say a girl likes you. She’s rich and powerful, with connections everywhere. She can easily control the fate of the family you care about. And she genuinely likes you, so she doesn’t care about anything else and demands that you must be with her."
"Under those circumstances, would you willingly fall in love with her? When forced to choose, would any individual with an independent mind truly come to love the person who coerced them?"
Zhou Mochen’s gaze turned frighteningly dark. The example Xu Su used made him extremely unhappy. "No one could force me to be with them, Xu Su. That’s not a possibility."
"..." ’Is this guy’s ability to grasp the main point really that weak?’
Xu Su was speechless for a moment before reminding him, "This is a hypothetical, Zhou Mochen. If you were in that situation, would you fall in love with that girl?"
