Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It-Chapter 198: "..Who?... That Zhou Mochen?

The realization made Xu Su’s breath catch in her throat. She finally snapped back to reality.

Xi Zirong’s body was trembling. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, looking utterly fragile.

Xu Su was at a loss. ’How did things end up like this...’

Her hands, which had been hanging at her sides, slowly lifted. She reached out and stroked the soft hair of the head nestled in the crook of her neck.

"Xi Zirong, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this." Only when she spoke did she realize her own voice was choked with emotion.

Xu Su truly hadn’t wanted this. When she had agreed to be with Xi Zirong, she never imagined it would one day cause him so much pain.

She suddenly understood just how terrible her actions had been.

’Yes, what I said was too cruel. Even if I was determined to break up, I shouldn’t have done it in a way that was so humiliating for him. It’s so unfair to him.’

Her voice, full of apology, made the young man’s body go rigid.

"...Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault." Xi Zirong didn’t lift his head, keeping it buried in the crook of Xu Su’s neck.

He nuzzled her neck, wiping his tears onto her skin. His voice was muffled. "Please don’t leave me, okay? I don’t care about what happened during those three days. I really don’t. Can’t we just go back to how things were?"

Without lifting his head, he fumbled to pull down the hem of her school uniform, which had been pushed up to her waist. "I’m sorry, did I scare you just now? I wasn’t trying to do anything. I won’t ever do it again... Can we just pretend nothing happened, okay?"

"..."

His attempts to smooth things over only made Xu Su feel helpless.

’I hate seeing him like this, groveling in the dust. Given how possessive he used to be, there’s no way he doesn’t care.’

’If he truly didn’t care, he wouldn’t be Xi Zirong.’

Xu Su closed her eyes. The hand on his head tightened slightly, and she had to fight the urge to comfort him.

Fortunately, what little reason she had left kept her from making things even messier.

Xu Su took a deep breath and chose to explain clearly. "Nothing happened. Listen to me. I didn’t do what you’re thinking. I was just recovering from my injuries for those three days. Xi Zirong, stop crying."

She patted the back of his head. "Don’t be so self-deprecating. It’s not worth it. Xi Zirong, in my eyes, you should always be that untouchable academic prodigy, not... this. No one is worth you debasing yourself like this, understand?"

The head at her neck lifted. Xi Zirong’s red, swollen eyes stared blankly at her. "Then when you said you did everything... were you just saying that to make me mad?"

"...." ’After all I just said, that’s the only part he heard?’

Xu Su was exasperated. "Yes, I was trying to make you mad. Who told you to pin me down and pull up my shirt?"

Seeing that the crybaby had finally stopped crying, Xu Su breathed a quiet sigh of relief. She pushed at the face in front of her. "Get up, you’re crushing me."

’What kind of position is this? It was one thing when emotions were running high and neither of us noticed.’

But now that she was aware of their overly intimate position, Xu Su didn’t dare move any part of her body besides her hands pushing at his face. They were pressed so tightly together she was afraid one wrong move could set something off...

Xi Zirong seemed to finally process the situation and scrambled up, stammering, unable to form a coherent sentence. But the tips of his ears instantly flushed bright red.

It was as if he wasn’t the same person who had started unbuttoning her shirt in the middle of the classroom that morning, insisting on kissing the skin over her heart.

Xu Su marveled inwardly. ’Men are truly an incomprehensible species.’

’Look at him now. How is he any different from a shy, blushing bride?’

’Anyone who saw this would think *I* was the one pinning *him* down and pulling at his clothes...’

Xu Su glanced at the time. It was almost eleven o’clock. She stood up. "We’ve talked, and we’ve said what needed to be said. Xi Zirong, let’s head back to school."

’This place is quite far from First High School. I’m not sure if we can get back before noon. Zhou Mochen is bringing me lunch...’

The thought of seeing Zhou Mochen later made Xu Su feel inexplicably irritated.

She had really gone too far this time. She’d agreed to be with Zhou Mochen before even breaking up with Xi Zirong.

Even if her feelings were the culmination of two lifetimes, from Xi Zirong’s perspective, what she did was truly awful.

"We’re not done talking." Xi Zirong reached out, pulling her back down. He asked softly, "Susu, let’s not break up, okay? Since nothing happened during those three days, why do we have to break up?"

He had never felt secure in this relationship; his constant fear of losing her had practically become a habit.

But actually hearing Xu Su say she wanted to break up was still something he couldn’t accept.

Seeing him still fixated on this point, Xu Su felt a headache coming on. "But I really was kissed by another man. Didn’t you see it with your own eyes?"

Xi Zirong put on a magnanimous air. "I already told you, I understand. Susu, let’s not talk about it anymore."

’Understand my ass!’

Xu Su couldn’t stand seeing him act so meek and utterly subservient!

Afraid he would start crying again, Xu Su steeled herself and continued, "Xi Zirong, I didn’t fall for someone else because of a fight. And I’m not breaking up with you because you *didn’t* fight."

She truly had no idea how Xi Zirong had come to the conclusion that she would fall for anyone who fought for her.

’It’s not like my feelings can be switched on with a remote control, triggered by some specific scenario.’

Xu Su decided to be direct. "And I’m not breaking up with you because of Shen Chen. When he kissed me in the car, it was out of nowhere and against my will. The reason I’m breaking up with you is... I’ve realized I’ve fallen for someone else."

Xu Su wasn’t the type to beat around the bush; she said what was on her mind. If she weren’t worried about making Xi Zirong cry again, she would have been even more blunt.

But these words, which Xu Su considered a gentler approach, still made Xi Zirong’s eyes burn red.

Another long silence fell between them as he seemed to digest her words.

After a long moment, Xi Zirong finally spoke, his voice hoarse. "...Who? ...That Zhou Mochen guy?"

On July first, in the car on the way to the countryside, Xu Su had taken a call and snapped that name out with an extremely impatient tone.

Xi Zirong had sensed something was off back then. Perhaps Xu Su herself hadn’t even realized it, but while her tone on the phone had been impatient, her expression was completely natural.

It was a natural exchange. Even her annoyed replies and the way she hung up felt effortless and familiar.

It was the kind of attitude that comes from familiarity and confidence. Based on Xi Zirong’s understanding of her, if she were truly annoyed with someone, she wouldn’t act like that at all.

She wouldn’t show any impatience. When Xu Su truly disliked someone, she didn’t show any emotion at all; she simply ignored them.

Xu Su was slightly startled to hear Zhou Mochen’s name from Xi Zirong’s lips, and she immediately recalled that phone call.

Xu Su admitted, "It is."

Xi Zirong nodded slowly, all his previous agitation gone. He asked calmly, "When did you realize you were in love with him?"

"....." That question really stumped Xu Su. ’I can’t just say it was back when I was an Apiao, can I...’

Her complicated history with Zhou Mochen couldn’t be explained in just a few sentences.

But she did owe Xi Zirong an explanation.