Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It-Chapter 69 - 68: "Xi Zirong, You Won’t Understand.
She waited until Xi Zirong had biked off into the distance before grabbing her clothes to wash up.
By the time she finished washing up, it was already almost ten o’clock. There were still two hours until the New Year.
Xu Su was no longer in the mood to study. The weather was too cold, so she simply turned off the living room light. She pulled out her fully charged phone, grabbed an English book, and curled up in bed, planning to read for a little while before sleeping.
She hadn’t checked her phone all day. Sure enough, there were texts from Zhou Mochen.
7:15 AM: You up yet? Are you spending New Year’s at your place, or are you going to your grandfather’s?
Around 1:00 PM: Have you eaten? Still haven’t checked your phone? Xu Su, text me back when you see this.
6:00 PM: You that busy today? You haven’t looked at your phone once all day? Or are you deliberately ignoring me?
The last one had been sent fifteen minutes ago: Xu Su, I don’t care if you genuinely haven’t looked at your phone or if you’re deliberately ignoring me. If I don’t get a reply from you before midnight tonight, I guarantee you’ll be seeing me tomorrow morning.
Xu Su: "..."
’Should she be impressed that the guy actually keeps his promises?’
He had promised not to call her. Even though he was clearly so anxious for a reply that he was threatening to return to Chang City on New Year’s Eve, he had actually refrained from dialing her number.
Just as she was pondering how to reply...
...a call came in.
It was an unknown local number from Chang City. Xu Su pressed the answer key.
The boy’s gentle voice, still pleasant even through the electronic device, came over the line. "Xu Su, I’m home."
Xu Su turned a page in her book and replied casually, "Okay, I know."
She had told Xi Zirong to text her when he got home so she would know he’d arrived safely.
Xi Zirong opened the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the balcony, gazing at the stars in the cold wind. Hearing a rustling sound on her end, he asked, "Are you reading? What book?"
Xu Su paused. ’This guy has sharp ears.’ "A textbook," she said. "I don’t have the time to read through abstruse specialized books..."
’What was that book Xi Zirong bought today, again?’ Xu Su had only glanced at it. ’Was it about computers?’
A soft chuckle came from the other end of the line. "Xu Su, I was very happy today."
His laugh made her ears burn for some reason. She held the phone a little further away and put it on speaker. "If there’s nothing else, I’m going to hang up. I want to read a bit before I go to sleep."
Xi Zirong hummed in agreement. "You can read your book; I won’t bother you. If you come across anything you don’t understand, feel free to ask me. Let’s just not hang up, okay?"
"Do you think phone calls are free? Xi Zirong, does your family own a bank or something?"
Xu Su remembered that call rates were very expensive back then. It cost thirty cents a minute to make a call, and even the person receiving it was charged ten cents a minute.
Xi Zirong on the other end of the line was silent for a few seconds before quickly saying, "I’ll go top up your phone for you. Xu Su, wait for me."
’Wait for me...’
Xi Zirong had already said those three words several times tonight.
Xu Su quickly stopped him. "Don’t, don’t do it! Whatever you do, don’t top up the credit for this number!"
’The moment he paid the bill, Zhou Mochen would probably get an instant text notification.’
’...The thought of that scene... Xu Su didn’t even dare to imagine it.’
Xi Zirong was extremely sharp. It took him less than a second of confusion to realize. "This number is his, isn’t it?"
Xu Su pursed her lips. "Not just the number. Even the phone I’m using right now was bought by him."
Xi Zirong was silent on the other end for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was low. "Xu Su, do you know what you’re doing?"
The question was familiar. Teacher Wu had asked her the same thing a month or so ago.
Xu Su was silent for a long while, unsure how to explain her relationship with Zhou Mochen to him. ’In Xi Zirong’s eyes, accepting Zhou Mochen’s gifts must be ironclad proof of their ambiguous relationship.’
But Xi Zirong didn’t know how crazy Zhou Mochen could be. Xu Su, on the other hand, had seen it and experienced it firsthand.
When it came to Zhou Mochen, outright rejection was useless. Her previous life was a prime example.
Looking back on her past life, Xu Su felt it was probably because her rejection and avoidance had been too blatant after she sensed his intentions. It had made Zhou Mochen lose all hope that she would ever come to him ’willingly,’ which was why he had resorted to that method.
That was why this time, she was trying a different approach—a push and pull. She would test his limits from time to time, then occasionally give him the false hope that he still had a chance.
’Perhaps, after a while, he’d find the game too torturous to bear? Maybe he’d decide he didn’t want to pester her anymore?’
After all, Xu Su truly didn’t dare to go down the same path as her previous life.
Besides, she was truly no match for Zhou Mochen’s schemes. For more than a decade in her past life, there was no one he wanted to deal with, and nothing he wanted to do, that he couldn’t accomplish.
On the other end of the line, Xi Zirong’s voice continued, "Xu Su, I can give you anything you want. Right now, I’d have to rely on my parents to do it, but just wait for me for a few years. I’ll give you the very best. You don’t want to date now, so let’s just study together and get into the same university. Just... please don’t accept that person’s gifts, okay?"
A pang of frustration hit Xu Su. ’He thinks I’m some vain, materialistic girl who can’t bear to turn down a cell phone.’
A strange, dull ache bloomed in her chest...
Once the feeling passed, Xu Su suddenly thought this was for the best. It saved her from having to explain too much. She couldn’t keep getting entangled with him like this anyway.
’It’s better to let Xi Zirong misunderstand.’ A brilliant, shining academic prodigy like him belonged on a pedestal, admired by his classmates from afar.
He shouldn’t be stepping down from that pedestal as he had been recently, subjecting himself to the gossip and malicious speculation of their peers.
’How could you have the heart to watch a boy who only has eyes for you fall deeper and deeper into this mess?’
’Especially when she knew she could never give him the response he wanted.’
Xu Su heard her own voice, cold and ruthless. "Xi Zirong, you can’t give me the best. What he gives will always be better than what you can offer. Don’t be foolish. How can you possibly compete with him?" 𝐟𝗿𝐞𝚎𝚠𝐞𝚋𝕟𝐨𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝕔𝕠𝚖
"What makes you so sure he can give you more than I can!" The boy’s voice suddenly rose in volume. Realizing his tone, he immediately softened it. "Xu Su, how will you know I can’t give you the best if you don’t even give me a chance?"
Xu Su froze. It was the first time Xi Zirong had ever raised his voice at her.
’So the warm, patient boy could get angry, too.’ A complicated feeling welled up in Xu Su’s heart. "Xi Zirong, you just don’t understand."
"Then tell me, please? Xu Su, explain everything I don’t understand."
Xu Su fell silent.
On the other end of the line, Xi Zirong’s voice was barely a whisper. "Xu Su, you know? I really, really like you. I’ve never liked anyone else. I’ve never felt my heart ache for anyone else. I’ve only ever liked you, and I only want to be good to you."
He had known for a long time that the girl he liked didn’t have the best temper. She was quick to anger, impatient, and would often give him the cold shoulder. But most importantly... she didn’t like him. Every time he tried to get closer, the avoidance in her eyes was unmistakable.
But what could he do? He just liked her. He liked her enough to ignore her rejections, to eagerly chase after her and coax her. He liked her so much that seeing her cry made his heart ache all night. He liked her so much that he wanted to hug her in public, not caring about who they were or where they were...
He liked her so much that even knowing she had accepted another man’s gift, he could only blame himself for not preparing something for her sooner. He liked her so much that all the words he knew weren’t enough to describe the depths of his feelings...
