Love Among The Ruins-Chapter 48

CAINE’S P.O.V

It took far longer than usual for Nadine to fall asleep.

She didn’t care that I was covered in blood and grime, she would not let me go. She stayed curled up in my lap until her eyes finally drifted close. Even then, I was wary of letting her go for fear that she would wake up. I just stayed there watching her until I was sure that she wouldn’t rouse.

The first thing I did was find somewhere I could get cleaned. My clothes weren’t salvageable, but I managed to find a rag that I used in scrubbing myself clean- or at least, as close to clean as I could get.

I hadn’t slept.

It would bite me in the ass later, but there were more important things at stake right now.

As I opened the door to the office, Jennifer turned to look at me.

"Is he awake?" I asked softly and she shook her head.

I stepped in, making my way over to her and I saw the barely noticeable stiffening of her shoulders. She wasn’t looking at me, not anymore at least, her eyes were fixed on Dan who was snoring softly.

Nadine had done a surprisingly good job at wrapping his injury but even thought I couldn’t see it, I knew what was there.

"How did he get hurt? He wouldn’t tell me." Her voice was low and unsure.

"I don’t know. I was too busy trying not to die. I don’t think he realized he was hurt until after."

She sighed deeply, running her hands through her hair in frustration. "This is my fault."

"In what way?"

"I had asked him to leave me alone during the watch. He kept going on about how I was being mean and I didn’t want to deal with him so I asked him to go to bed. I said I could do the watch on my own."

"There is a reason that we do watch in pairs."

"Don’t you think I know that now?" she hissed out. "We may not have been friends before but being out here with people... it changes you. Dan was my friend. He was good and kind."

"Is-" I cut her off. "He isn’t dead yet, don’t act like he is."

She snorted and glanced over at him. "You know what happens, don’t you? He is going to die whether we like it or not. He doesn’t deserve this. He is a good person."

"No one deserves this."

There was silence for a long minute. I made to leave when Jennifer spoke again.

"I thought she would kill me, you know," she began slowly. "Nadine, I mean. When I dragged her away. She wanted to go back for you."

"You didn’t let her."

"Should I have?"

I didn’t hesitate. "No. You did the right thing."

"She loves you." It was my turn to snort. "If you don’t see it, you’re either blind or stupid and the Caine that I know is not stupid."

"She was probably scared. I’m the only one she has here."

She laughed.

"If that’s what you want to believe." She stood to her feet. "I need to take a breather outside. Can you watch him for a moment, please?"

I wanted to go back to Nadine, to lie beside her and pretend like none of this was real. For a second, I wanted to allow myself blissful ignorance, but I looked at Jennifer. I had my own qualms about her, but I could tell that she was reaching her limit. She was too wound up.

"Go," I said finally. "I’ll be here."

"Thank you."

I watched her disappear and placed my head in my hands.

The room was quiet but bright as the sun shone high in the sky. A small window allowed light in, it was the only sign that it was daytime.

"After I’m gone, don’t leave her."

I turned sharply.

Dan still had his eyes closed, but it was clear that he was the one who spoke. He hadn’t moved from his spot, he was still on his back, his hands clasped over his stomach and his breathing slow but even.

"I can feel you staring at me."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to know that Jennifer blames herself and it isn’t her fault."

"She asked you to leave."

"And I left. I should never have done that. I had a job." He finally opened his eyes. "Don’t blame her for this. She can’t survive on her own."

"She seems well equipped to."

"She’s rash and hotheaded, she will make mistakes and get into trouble. She needs people."

"She’s a bitch to Nadine."

He laughed.

For a second, everything felt normal, and then he clutched his side, his face contorting in pain. I moved immediately, rushing over to his side but he held up a hand to stop me as he tried to even out his breathing.

"Sorry, I didn’t realize how bad it would hurt to laugh," he exhaled. "Nadine is a bitch to everyone."

"I won’t tolerate it."

"I think she will be a little more bearable now. She told me how Nadine went out to get supplies alone. You picked a good one."

"I have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop talking like you’re going to die. Go to sleep, you need your rest."

"Don’t."

"Don’t what?"

"Don’t act like you don’t know how this is going to end. I just need one person to be straight with me."

I stared at him for a long moment.

Gone was the amusement, in its place was frustration and resignation. He knew how this would end- we all did. It just never occurred to me that we were treating him with kid gloves.

I slowly unwrapped the bandage and took a look at the wound. It was already turning black. He must have been cut very deep for it to be spreading this fast.

"How long do I have?"

"I don’t know," I admitted. "Two days? Maybe less. It’s spreading fast."

He shut his eyes tightly and inhaled sharply. "I want you to do it."

"What?"

"Kill me. Jennifer can’t do it, and if I ask Nadine, I know that you’ll resurrect me just to kill me again for putting that on her."

He wasn’t wrong.

"I need you to do it."

"Now?"

"Not now, tonight. I just want one last day where I feel normal. We can sit outside and just sunbathe. I can watch the sunset as well, and when they’re sleeping, you can do it."

He smiled to himself, almost as if he was picturing it. It was a sobering thought, that all he wanted was something so simple- so peaceful.

"Why don’t you do it yourself?"

"Because," his voice cracked. "I don’t want to die alone. We’re taught to die every day as soldiers, but no one ever talks about how terrifying and lonely it is. I know we’re not friends and you don’t owe me shit, but, I’d like for someone to be there with me when it happens."

His words struck a chord inside of me.

I could almost taste his pain and desperation. I could smell the fear in the air. It was nothing like I had ever felt before.

"They’ll hate us for this." 𝘧𝘳𝘦ℯ𝓌𝘦𝒷𝘯𝑜𝑣𝘦𝓁.𝒸𝘰𝓂

He laughed softly. "I suppose that’s one benefit about dying, I won’t be there to feel their anger."