Love Among The Ruins-Chapter 66

NADINE’S P.O.V

"Nadine!" Joshua called out to me but I ignored him.

I didn’t even realize when I walked out of the conversation. I just needed some space to think and I wasn’t going to get it when my father was practically screaming in my face.

I heard Joshua’s footsteps behind me but I ignored him, keeping my eys trained forward as I made my way back to my room. I was only a few feet away when fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"Stop!"

"Let go of me!" I hissed out, jerking my hand from his grip. "Don’t ever touch me without my permission."

He was shocked; his eyes wide with shock and his mouth agape. Still, he nodded slowly. "I didn’t mean to hurt you."

"What do you want?"

"Aren’t you going to talk about what the fuck just happened? You’re pregnant."

He reached out for me but I slapped his hand away. "I heard. You should have never been privy to that conversation so feel free to pretend like you didn’t hear it."

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair in what seemed to be a mixture of shock and annoyance. He looked around, making sure no one was watching before pulling me into my room. I protested, trying to shove him out but he was stronger and slammed the door shut behind us.

"This isn’t a joke, Nadine."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? I didn’t quite realize, I thought this was an amusing prank, that’s why I have a fucking shit-eating grin on my face."

My voice was thick with sarcasm but it didn’t even faze him. He just lowered himself into the chair closest to him and buried his face into his hands.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"As if I’d tell my father’s lackey."

"I’m serious, Nadine," he snapped. "Contrary to what you believe, your father doesn’t have me by my balls, but he has a point. Is a child really something you want right now?"

No.

This world was not the right place to raise a child and I knew that, but I also knew that I had to tell Rowan first before making any decisions. I had no intentions on doing this without him. It was as much his child as it was mine.

I sighed, and for the first time today, I allowed myself to feel frustration.

"You should have been more careful," Joshua whispered and I shot him a scathing look.

"Excuse me if my top priority was not finding a condom when I was on the run for my life! I thought the implant was fine."

"Clearly it wasn’t."

"If you’re just going to sit there and slut shame me then you can fuck off. I already know how messed up this is. I don’t need you making matters worse."

To his credit, he managed to look remorseful. "I’m sorry. It’s just... fuck. I don’t know what to say. You’re going to be a mum."

"I’m pregnant," I corrected. "No one has said a thing about having the baby or not."

"Will you tell him?"

I nodded. "I have to. He deserves to know."

"I’m here if you need anything. Even if it’s a new place to crash."

The corner of my lips tugged. "Thank you, Joshua."

I couldn’t sleep.

I tossed and turned in bed all night, staring at the ceiling and wondering how the hell I was going to talk to Rowan.

A part of me hoped that the test was a lie, that it was dad’s way of trying to get to me, but my father had little reason to lie. There were a thousand other tactics he could’ve used to try and get me away from Rowan.

I wasn’t sure when I managed to fall asleep, but it had to be in the early hours of the morning. When I finally woke up, it was to a nose nuzzling my throat and arms pulling me towards a warm body. I knew it was Rowan, I could smell him, feel the calluses on his hands and the stubble on his cheeks.

"Hey," I whispered, a yawn leaving my lips. "When did you get back?"

"A few minutes ago. I took a bath first. Go back to sleep."

I was already wide awake when I turned to face him. He looked exhausted, I could see the stress lines all over his face and yet, he didn’t seem like he was going to bed anytime soon. His eyes were still wide open.

"Are you hurt?" I asked and he quickly shook his head. "Rowan-"

"I couldn’t sleep all night."

"Me neither."

His brows furrowed. "Why? Did something happen?"

I thought about just telling him right now, just unburdening my heart and saying the truth about the baby but I couldn’t. This was neither the time nor the place and I just couldn’t make my mouth move.

"No, I’m fine," I lied. "We’ll talk about me later. What happened out there? Did you encounter the monsters?"

"No, thankfully."

"Then why didn’t you sleep?"

"Because one of my team members is a single mum. She told me she had a kid... a boy. When I looked at her, I saw my own mother. She looked tired, princess, so fucking tired. I couldn’t bring myself to wake her. She works two job, she’s a guard and a maid. Right now, she’s on her way to her other job. I bought her a few hours of sleep, it was worth it."

I stroked his cheek softly. He leaned into my touch, his lips ghosting over the inside of my palm. He would never admit it to himself, but he was a good man, a kind one too. I knew that someday, he would make an amazing father. I opened my mouth to tell him when he continued.

"I don’t think I ever want kids."

I froze, my blood going cold at his words.

I didn’t blame him for those words, I felt the same way on certain days. After everything we had been through, it was only normal to want to protect them from all of this.

"Ever?" I asked and he nodded. "Not even if we get rid of all the monsters?"

"There were plenty monsters in the world long before these ones, and there will be plenty after. I would never want to be responsible for putting a child in the middle of it all. I won’t always be there to keep my child safe."

I swallowed deeply. My throat felt like sandpaper and it felt like someone had dropped lead into my stomach. I couldn’t say the words now, I just buried my face into his chest, trying and failing to calm my raging heartbeat.

"Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded, not trusting my voice. "Nadine-"

"I’m fine," I said finally. "I just missed you is all."

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of my head, pulling me closer. "I missed you too, princess. What happened while I was gone?"

I hesitated for a moment before shrugging. "Nothing much, I’ll tell you about it later."

"Princess-"

He tried to pull back to see my face but all I did was nuzzle closer to him. "Later, please."

I could feel his displeasure but he didn’t fight, he just held me tighter, placing soft, feather light kisses over my skin. I allowed myself to bask in his touch for the moment knowing that when we finally got out of bed, we would have to face reality.