Martial Arts Ain't Anything Special-Chapter 1: Mu?rim

An unfamiliar alley.

“Ugh...”

What the hell? Did I drink last night? No, I didn’t... What’s going on?

He blinked dazedly. The sky was unnecessarily blue.

“...What’s that smell?”

He sat up after being assaulted by a foul stench in his nose. As he looked around for the source of the smell, it suddenly hit him.

“Ah, shit.”

Wait, this smell is coming from ME? Did I get blackout drunk yesterday or something and forget?

Suddenly anxious, he started searching through his memories.

Name, Lee Seojun. Age, twenty-four.

What was the date yesterday? After thinking for a moment, he realized something.

Since when did I ever bother remembering the date?

He gave up and got up on his feet. His body felt surprisingly light. Definitely not the condition of someone who had been drinking.

“What the...”

Finally looking down at himself, he noticed his clothes were strange. Since when did he have fluttering robes like this at home? And they were so filthy he wouldn’t wear them even if someone handed them to him for free.

His brain was slowly starting to process what he had been subconsciously avoiding.

“No way...?”

Seojun walked dazedly toward the corner of the alley. First things first, he needed to figure out what was going on. Whether he had fallen into a novel or another world, he needed to know what was what.

As he turned the corner, he heard something disturbing.

“Damn, this bitch is feisty.”

“Better stay still before I put a hole in your gut!”

“Kyaaah...!”

His stiffened neck turned. Sure enough, there was a crime unfolding right before his eyes. And to make matters worse, he had made eye contact with the criminals.

“What are you looking at? Get lost, kid.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

He quickly bowed and backed away. The criminals were apparently merciful enough to let a pitiful civilian go without extortion.

As Seojun hurried away from the corner, he clutched his pounding chest.

What the fuck? Why are they carrying swords that big?

The blade was thicker than a person’s arm.

Even the clothes they wore were unmistakably not from the modern era. They looked straight out of the distant past.

They were dressed exactly like characters from a martial arts novel.

Unless he had been kidnapped and woke up on some historical drama set, his current situation was painfully obvious.

He had either fallen into a novel or another world. A martial arts setting from the looks of it. He tried remembering the novels he had read, but having gone through hundreds of martial arts stories, nothing specific came to mind.

No, wait. Maybe this is just a weird dream?

As he held his head, a scream pierced his ears.

—KYAAAH! PLEASE DON’T HURT ME! PLEASE!

Just as he was about to turn the corner, Seojun froze in his tracks. Those screams wouldn’t let him walk away.

“God damn it.”

How the hell will I fight guys with swords? I’ve gotta be fucking mental. Why throw my life away for someone I don’t even know?

Yeah, this is crazy. This is absolutely fucking insane, but...

“Haah... FUCK IT!”

He straightened his shoulders and shouted. Somehow, his body had already moved back to the corner, and of course, he made eye contact with those criminal friends again.

Right, this is what Himmel the Hero would do. What a fucked up dream this is.

“This little shit. We let him go and he comes right back.”

“Seems like he needs his head checked?”

The two men sneered. Meanwhile, the half-stripped women crawled over and grabbed Seojun’s pant leg, trying desperately to cling onto any last shred of hope.

“Y...Young Expert! Please... AAGH!”

THWACK—!

The woman collapsed unconscious after taking Seojun’s knee to her face. The men stared at him in bewilderment.

Seojun stood confidently. Now that he was certain this was a dream, his trembling had calmed down.

Suddenly falling into a martial arts world? This has to be one hell of a weird dream.

One of the men scowled at Seojun’s confident appearance.

“Just who the hell are you?”

“Listen friends, never trust women. Getting stabbed in the back after saving them would really suck.”

More specifically, getting stabbed in the back during a fight would be a damn disaster. Who’s to say this woman isn’t working with these guys? Even if this is a dream, I don’t want to be stabbed with a knife.

I’m a bit sorry about what I did, but I mean, I can always apologize after saving her.

This was coming from someone who had actually experienced getting stabbed in the back, so having her behind him made him really uneasy.

“The hell, turns out he’s just completely fucking insane?”

The man with the sword as thick as an arm stepped forward. Seojun tried to steady his ragged breathing as he took up a stance.

He obviously knew nothing about martial arts, but he copied a boxing stance he had seen somewhere.

“Well, aren’t you an interesting guy?”

The man swung his blade. He could see it. The blade falling from above would split his body in half.

Everything moved in slow motion surprising even himself, so he tried moving his body.

Slash—!

“Huh...?”

But his body couldn’t keep up with his mind, and he ended up with his stomach split open, intestines spilling out.

This chapt𝙚r is updated by freeωebnovēl.c૦m.

“Uh, uhhh...”

Should I be grateful that my body wasn’t completely split in two like it should have been?

His face slammed into the ground, and his body convulsed from the burning pain.

“Kuuugh...”

It fucking hurts like hell. That simple thought consumed his mind.

This has to be a dream. It has to be.

His wandering consciousness faded to black.

*“...Man, some fucked up dream that was.”

The ceiling’s unfamiliar. So earlier was just a dream after all? Of course, suddenly falling into a martial arts world makes no sense.

He chuckled and tried to sit up.

“AGHH...!!”

Holy shit, it hurts so bad. He rolled on the ground, pain ripping through his torn flesh like fire.

“Haah... How can someone be this stupid?”

“Ugh... W-What exactly’s going on?”

“Don’t do anything stupid and lie down. You’ll really die this time if your wound opens up again.”

Through his pain-blurred vision, he looked up and saw a small figure. A kid who looked about twelve or thirteen was staring down at him.

“Haah... Haa... Thought I was gonna die...”

He roughly wiped away the drool leaking out and looked the kid over.

“...Hey kid, who are you?”

“What? Not even a word of thanks?”

The kid poked his body lightly with their foot.

“Ugh...!”

Seojun writhed in pain. Even though he hadn’t touched the wound directly, the pain still made his thoughts go blank.

“You little...!”

“What, huh!”

“Ugh...”

He straightened his body while groaning. Through the holes in the ceiling, his eyes met with the dark night sky.

The sky?

Looking around properly now, this place was nothing but ruins. Lying in a building that seemed ready to collapse at any moment made his legs tremble.

“...Where is this?”

“My house.”

“And where exactly is your house?”

“Near where you collapsed.”

The brat clicked their tongue.

“Think about it logically. How far do you think I could carry you? I thought I was gonna die just getting you here.”

“...When you put it that way, makes sense. Still, you must be pretty strong? Can’t have been easy for a kid to drag a grown man.”

“What? Pfft!”

The kid started snickering before breaking into full-on laughter.

“A grown man? Do you even have pubes yet? Acting all high and mighty when we’re pretty much the same age.”

“What? Poor thing... Going blind at such a young age already?”

Seojun absently checked his own body. Not to check for pubes, of course, but just glancing down at his hands to see what this brat was talking about.

“What the.”

They were small and short.

It wasn’t completely a child’s hands, but definitely smaller than the adult hands he was used to seeing.

“This is ridiculous. What am I, Detective Conan?”

Body of a kid but brain of an adult! Shit’s crazy.

“Fuck it, we ball.”

It’s life. Things will work out somehow, probably.

*Things did NOT work out.

About ten days had passed, and Seojun was stretching his stiff body. Though the wound wasn’t completely healed, it had recovered enough to be considered almost better, healing abnormally quickly.

I don’t even know how I survived in the first place.

The skin healing’s one thing, but what about my guts spilling out? Can you really survive just stuffing them back in? Don’t people usually die from an infection?

Seojun sighed while pondering.

“Haah... I don’t get it. Hell, the whole getting younger thing makes even less sense.”

Chunbong responded to his muttering.

“That again? Aren’t you tired of saying that?”

“No, I seriously did get younger though?”

“That’s some dedicated bullshitting, that’s for sure.”

“Shut up, Chunbong.”

“...”

What kinda name is Chunbong anyways? Looking at the kid who was technically his savior, Seojun saw him turn red from anger.

“...I should’ve just left you there.”

Chunbong grumbled, sighing.

“Anyways, don’t do anything stupid and just stay put. That wasn’t the kind of wound that should heal in only ten days.”

“But I’m all healed up.”

“Yeah. That’s what’s weird.”

While Chunbong stared intently at his body, Seojun was lost in thought.

If you want to talk about what’s weird, what happened to me is even weirder.

After ten days of talking with Chunbong, he was certain. This was reality, and it was a murim.

But something still feels off.

It happened three days ago. When Seojun was poking Chunbong’s side with his toe out of boredom, he had shouted.

Ugh, come on! It’s almost twelve o’clock! Let me get some sleep already!

What kind of bullshit is this? Has Mount Hua Sect turned into Volcano Sect and started casting fireball or something? As if that wasn’t bad enough, twelve o’clock? Are they crazy? Any half-decent martial arts novel would use traditional time terms like Hour of the Rat instead of saying twelve o’clock.

I don’t remember reading any martial arts novel like that...

So maybe this isn’t a novel? Did I just randomly get transported into some weird wannabe murim?

“Hey, Lee Seojun.”

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? If you’re up, it’s time to make yourself useful.”

Chunbong beckoned from the half-collapsed doorway.

“Follow your sis- brother... I’ll teach you how to survive in the back alleys.”

“By the way, are you actually a guy though?”

“...You bastard.”

Chunbong quickly backed away and covered his body. It’s a misunderstanding! Ugh, these kinds of misunderstandings are seriously a pain.

“Hey, I’m not trying to fuck your ass!”

“That’s suspicious.”

“Whatever, just lead the way. Let’s see how good you are at begging.”

*“Now that I think about it, was there anything else where I collapsed?”

Seojun asked while blowing on a steaming dumpling.

“Nope, nothing.”

“Really? That’s unsettling.”

I wonder what happened to that woman? He made a quick prayer for her soul while taking another bite of his dumpling.

“But seriously, there’s no meat dumplings?”

“...Says the guy who’s about to burst from eating so much.”

“This tastes awful, you know?”

It’s called a dumpling, but there’s no filling. Just a lump of flour, basically.

“Ha! If you’re gonna complain, you steal them next time. I’ll keep watch.”

“Should I?”

“What do you mean should I?! Just shut up and eat!”

He got smacked. For a kid, he hits hard. Is this what someone belonging to murim is like?

“Ah, why won’t some martial arts technique just fall from the sky? I seriously gotta beat those guys up if I meet them again.”

While grumbling and stuffing the remaining dumplings in his mouth, he noticed Chunbong staring at him.

“Wmph?”

“Want me to teach you martial arts?”

“Keh...!”

Cough cough! He spat out the dumpling that got stuck in his throat. Then he grabbed Chunbong’s cheeks, who was looking regretfully at the wasted food, and said.

“Really!?”

“It’s nothing special. Just the Three Principles Sword Technique.”

How a back alley kid like him knew martial arts didn’t matter. What mattered was the timing.

“Thank you, Master!”

“Whatever, stop saying bullshit.”

Hi everyone, I am also the translator for 'The Freed Slaves Are Obsessed.' If you haven't read that, please check it out!

I've had my eye on this novel for a while now, but honestly murim is so annoying to translate and this author shifts to monologues like it's candy.

Still, I hope you all enjoy it though.