Maybe a Fake Gintama-Chapter 593: I’ve Heard that Where There’s Water

Standing at the entrance of the cave, Kagura rested her hands on her knees, peeking inside with curiosity. "What's in this cave, aru? Could there be a bear hibernating inside, aru?"

This chapt𝓮r is updat𝒆d by ƒreeωebnovel.ƈom.

"Don't worry," Katsura replied with a soft chuckle, his eyes closed. "I've already driven the wild beasts out."

"Huh?" Shinpachi paused for a moment, furrowing his brows slightly with a somewhat perplexed expression. He mumbled, "Was it really a bear's den?"

"Hahaha, how could there be a bear in a place like this?" Katsura laughed, then glanced inside the cave at a blood-soaked sneaker much more significant than a human. Pointing at it with his index finger, he turned back and said, "It's just an ordinary big-faced monster."

(Note: The "Bigfoot" is also known as the "Sasquatch," a large, ape-like creature similar to the yeti. It was first discovered in North America and is considered an unidentified mysterious animal.)

Hearing this, everyone in Jou's group froze.

Shinpachi was the first to snap out of it. He took a deep breath, his eyes wide open, and shouted, "There's no such thing as an ordinary big-faced monster in this world!"

"Why would there be a legendary UMA in a place like this?!" Gintoki joined in, his neck straining as he shouted, "And why is Bigfoot wearing sneakers?!"

(Note: UMA stands for Unidentified Mysterious Animal, referring to cryptids or creatures that are rumored to exist but haven't been scientifically proven. A typical example is the water monkey.)

"No, we can't be sure yet," Katsura, glancing at Gintoki, responded thoughtfully. "Even I'm wavering. Maybe it's just a man with big feet."

"No, you've already made up your mind!" Gintoki retorted. "It's clearly way too big!"

"Actually, I don't know this person," Jou pointed to Katsura and looked at Tsukuyo, who was holding a smoking pipe and twitching at the corner of her mouth. "I really don't know him."

At this moment, Katsura saw the giant shoe with a thumbtack stuck in it and a note reading, "Sorry, it's just too cold. Could we stay here for the night? No? You're really a brute with a simple mind, you idiot Bigfoot!" He added, "I asked him if we could stay here for the night, but he wouldn't listen, so I wrote a note and pinned it inside his shoe. It seems he finally understood."

Seeing the thumbtack in the shoe and the apparent bloodstains in the snow outside the cave, Shinpachi angrily retorted, "What do you mean, 'understood'? He's bleeding from the foot because of that thumbtack!"

Unbeknownst to anyone, Katsura had already crawled into the blood-soaked sneaker, his eyes closed in satisfaction as he muttered, "And it even left behind such a wonderful bed..."

"That's just a stinky sneaker!" Gintoki retorted furiously.

"Before lying down here, I wouldn't have frozen to death," Katsura said with a peaceful expression, only to suddenly scream, "Ah! It hurts! Who put a thumbtack here?!"

At the same time, hearing the approaching footsteps outside the cave, Jou's group exchanged glances, nodding in unison before turning and quietly sneaking away.

At that moment, Katsura, still fumbling with the thumbtack on his back, called out, "Hey! Where are you going? Wait, help me get this thumbtack out of my back first!"

No sooner had he spoken than he heard the footsteps getting closer and stopping right behind him. Katsura's expression lit up, and he pointed to the thumbtack on his back, saying, "Oh! You're back? I think it's stuck right here..."

Then, a thick finger lightly touched the thumbtack on Katsura's back.

"Yes, yes, right there..." Katsura said.

But in the next moment, the owner of that finger, without any hesitation, pushed the thumbtack hard into Katsura's back.

Katsura froze for a moment, then...

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

...

Just outside the cave, Jou's group huddled against the raging blizzard, shivering as they aimlessly searched for shelter in the forest.

"Hey, it's getting worse..." Hijikata said through chattering teeth. "If we don't find somewhere to shelter from the wind and snow, we're all going to freeze to death."

At that moment, a voice suddenly called out from not far away.

"Everyone——!" Otae waved her hand and called out to Jou's group from the entrance of another cave. "Over here, I found a good place!"

Hearing this, Jou's group stopped and looked in the direction of the voice.

Seeing the cave behind Otae, who was still smiling and waving, Shinpachi's face lit up, and he shouted, "Sis!"

...

Standing at the entrance of the cave, Shinpachi looked at the dark, damp cave and said from the bottom of his heart, "I never expected there to be a cave in a place like this..."

"It might still be cold, but at least we won't turn into snowmen," Hijikata said as he groped his way deeper into the cave.

"But if we sleep here, it feels like we'll still freeze to death." Jou glanced around the cave. The temperature was almost the same as outside."

"Don't worry," Otae said with a smile. "As long as we light a fire, we'll be fine. And it seems like we can even solve the food problem here~."

"Really?! Otae!" Jou's face lit up.

"Yes, really..." Otae replied with a smile, then bent down to pick up the head of an unknown green-skinned, sharp-toothed creature that resembled a goblin from the pile of corpses behind her and showed it to Jou's group. "Look, I caught so much food. Even with two Yato, we should be fine~."

Twitching at the corners of his eyes, with several black lines appearing on his forehead, Shinpachi asked in a low voice, "Sis... What is that?"

"It's a chupacabra~" Otae explained with a smile.

(Note: Chupacabra is a canine-like UMA known for draining the blood of livestock, reported in places like Puerto Rico, Chile, and Mexico.)

Seeing the beautiful smile on Otae's face as she stood on top of the pile of unknown creatures, with countless others lying dead behind her, everyone except Kagura had darkened expressions and blank faces.

Otae, full of excitement, clenched her fists and continued, "This seems to be the chupacabra's lair. Beyond the chupacabra, what lies in wait isn't a bear or Bigfoot, but the super ancient civilization of Fesha, destroyed overnight by the chupacabra! If we can defeat the chupacabra and reach Fesha's central system, our disaster will be completely resolved! Everything will be solved!"

As she spoke, Otae's expression grew more serious. "Come on! Everyone stand up! Victory is achieved through battle and grasped with our own hands! If we all work together, we can make it! Let's go——!"

But just as she finished, Otae realized that everyone behind her had mysteriously disappeared without a trace.

"Huh?"

...

Once again, Jou's group wandered through the blizzard-ravaged forest. But now, as night had quietly fallen, the situation was getting increasingly dire.

"Are you stupid?" Jou, carrying Kagura, reminded her with a strange expression. "You actually believed what that woman said?"

"It seemed interesting, aru," Kagura replied.

"Interesting, my foot." Jou retorted, then raised a finger and said thoughtfully, "Anyway, whether it's a man or a woman, caves are very dangerous places. You should never enter one without being fully prepared! Remember that!"

Shinpachi, leading the way, glanced back at Jou's group and muttered, "Could you stop making dirty jokes at a time like this? Jou-san? And Tsukuyo-san, what about your kunai? Isn't this the time when you usually use it?"

"Oh, sorry, I was distracted." Tsukuyo apologized as she threw her kunai at Jou's head.

"What's with you today?" Shinpachi asked. "It feels like Tsukuyo-san is really distracted today..."

"Indeed," Kagura nodded, then turned to look at Tsukuyo beside her. "Are you okay, aru? Is the warm kunai and warm uncle's head no longer effective, aru?"

"No, I'm fine." Tsukuyo shook her head slightly but secretly glanced at Jou, who was lying in the snow.

"Maybe it's just because it's too cold..." Shinpachi sighed. "The blizzard is getting worse. What should we do? We didn't even find a place to shelter from the snow before it got dark. At this rate, we'll really freeze to death... Jou-san, don't you have a lot of experience surviving in the wild? Think of something quickly!"

"Don't worry, Shinpachi." Jou pulled out the kunai from his head, stood up, crossed his arms, and smiled. "The more desperate the situation, the more you need to stay calm! See that over there? I was so calm that I noticed there's an old lady selling hot porridge over there. Come on, don't be shy, it's on me today!"

"Calm my foot!" Shinpachi shouted, his eyes red and saliva flying everywhere. "You're just seeing things! It's just like the little match girl! Seriously, you're completely useless now!"

"Tsukuyo, let go of me; I want to go there..." Jou, his eyes blank, reached out towards a nearby cliff. "Hehehe... Granny said we could get it for free... Let's all go together..."