Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)-Chapter 1119. A Nilhinid’s Dream
The Amalgam’s question caused her to think.
The corners of her mouth curled into a small smile as she painstakingly thought of an answer.
Time was not a concept when a person stood at the precipice between the Shadow and the Ego. It stretched forever. Neither Frost nor Elysia spoke to her. They gave her all the time in the world to search within the recesses of her heart for an answer.
And finally, she arrived at one.
“I lived. Against all odds, I lived. It must have a meaning. When I ventured through the Eternal Library, I met the Archivist. She directed me to my one perfect book. Along the way she told me about the many tales hidden within the labyrinth. If it were up to me, then I would have stayed there. But I had no legs to walk. No arms to flick through the pages. The scent of the tea she brewed burned my lungs. I could not even clasp my own book…”
A tear fell down her cheek. It calcified, resembling a crack.
“With no hands, I cannot reach. With no wings, I cannot call myself a Dove. What am I, if I am not nothing? What am I, Amalgam, if my purpose is to die?”
Clothina had never been able to decide her fate from the moment she was born. She was convinced that even before her birth it had already been decided. She did not even have the means to make a change.
The Eternal Library was the only instance where she could. But in doing so, she had ended up back in the same place. She had not changed. She was still the same newborn Nilhinid who relied on her mother’s embrace to survive.
Clothina could not survive without Marionette.
But Marionette could live on without Clothina.
“You are a Nilhinid. A Nephilim. That is what you are. That is what I see you as.”
The Amalgam did not offer her words of comfort. She was blunt and would rather tell her the shape of her being rather than coax her like Elysia. It was its own kind of comfort, but not one she wished to hear.
Suddenly, Frost’s figure appeared above Clothina, and she lowered her hand towards her
“But only you can decide who you are.”
“Clothina dreamed to return the touch of her mother.”
“Do you remember why?”
“… Mother…”
Love…
“Because she…”
Love.
“… Had no one else…”
Love.
The unconditional love of her mother.
Her purpose was to bring her into the world, and to heal those who were injured. It was the purpose of a Healer. Yet, her mother never let her go no matter the season, the agony, the sorrow…
Clothina recognized the force that had driven her mother to combat her instincts as love.
But she wondered.
What if love is an instinct after all?
“Does Clothina remember why she wanted to turn the page?”
“… I wanted to see... what was next. The anticipation of not knowing. I would rather that than the dread of knowing what will come thereafter. I sift through millions of Commandments. I know how my Actors will die. I know every birth and every end. I can only watch.”
Frost kept arm stretched out towards her.
It should have felt like an insult. Clothina had no hands to take it. However, she saw something in the lake. A prosthetic arm was outstretched towards Frost, and it finally dawned on her. Her mind was suddenly clear of her mental fog, and she felt her heartbeat for a purpose she could not understand.
“I had the means… But… It is not enough… I am dependent on Marionette. Without it, I will die. Without suffering, I will atrophy… There is purpose to the suffering. Amalgam. The cycle cannot end even if I were to take your hand.”
She expected disappointment on Frost’s face, and winced like a child anticipating a strike. Frost was the only person who she did not know extensively. The strings knew so little about her that she had only heard about Frost’s feats through word of mouth and official reports.
That was not say she didn’t know how Frost dealt with people. She was aware of Frost’s power to return people from Corruption and even cause them to Crystalize an Ego. But the process was not known to her.
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Hence her apprehension.
But Frost wore a disarming smile, and the tension faded in an instant.
“It doesn’t have to end instantly.”
“Nothing will ever be easy.”
“What matters is that you are willing to walk that path.”
“Clothina. You’ve always used your thread to protect yourself. Isn’t it time you use it to leave your shell?”
“… My thread…”
Clothina’s thread was special. Nilhinid thread was useless, but hers was unnaturally strong. It was what made up the platform, and was what maintained Marionette. She had only ever used it to protect herself.
But what if she could use it like an arm? Like a leg? She knew it was not possible. Thread was not that robust. Even with her Gift, she could not create something so complex.
Even so, the very idea of such an ability, to at least let her try…
… It would finally allow her to stand without being strung like a puppet anymore.
Elysia suddenly swooped in and reached a hand towards her.
“You cannot face it alone.”
Frost reached closer.
Neither of them wanted to lose Marionette to the other.
“You don’t have to be alone.”
“Your tears will only lead you back to where you started.”
“Shape your tears to what your heart desires.”
“You will never need to think again.”
“I will show you how to break free from your strings.”
“You only need to show me the shape of your heart.”
“I just need you to brave what comes next.”
“I will give you what you want.”
“I can give you what you need.”
Marionette squeezed her eyes tightly and imagined herself lurching forward–
//////// < ALERT > ////////
< You have received ??? >
–And she was enveloped in a golden light.
* * *
The Director
< A-Ahem, Arbiter madam! You may eliminate it soon! Frost has destabilized it enough for me to replace a few strings! >
A piece of the coiled string that attached Marionette to the Celeste Star Fate snapped. It became thinner, and the form of the Star Sign waned. A horrific screech of harps reverberated across Act X.
The missing strands were suddenly replaced with golden strings. They were without a doubt the Director’s.
The Director
< Do try not to mention my name! It does not seem to be aware of my interference! I have purposefully limited my strings to be just enough to reign Act X without drawing the ire of my counterpart! >
“It was unstrung? Preposterous. The piece of me the Nilhinid wears is her life. In exchange, I am entitled to her unwritten life.”
“You are making a mistake, Pale Star Arbiter.”
“Their Nex grants what we cannot experience.”
“Does the Pale Star Arbiter forget how we wandered eternally through the Expanse?”
“You are mistaken. My name has since changed from the Pale Star.” Michaela wore a dismissive expression.
She had not considered it a threat in the slightest.
The last few minutes had been spent clashing with it to defend Frost. Now that Frost was beginning to return from Marionette’s State of Mind, Michaela no longer needed to stall out the fight.
“Granted, I do understand that notion. Stars are incapable of expressing emotions, less experiencing what humanity can. It is an enviable trait. I can tell you that I would not exchange my current life for a chance to return to the Pale Star. I pity the Stars. But I do not pity you. You may only know me as the White Star Arbiter.”
A complete halo formed on her head, and she extended her blade outward. Paradise Found was the name of this sword, and it spanned over a hundred meters across, with the handguards at forty meters.
The weapon scaled upwards with Absolution, as though it was a Skill. This meant that it was at its strongest at Stage Five Absolution. The weapon weightlessly waved across the air, and the tip grazed one of its thousands of fingers.
“Be banished. Our bout was a good lesson in what to expect from a Star Sign should we encounter one in the future. You have my thanks for being an excellent test.”
“The White Star Arbiter… You, like that Wolfwoman of Light, and the Captured Star, do not appear accurately in the predictions.”
“I can only assume that you are like them, and no longer a Star. A decent attempt at a bluff. You will join the husks that continue to serve the Fate Mechanism.”
Fingers moved towards Michaela at incomprehensible speeds, only to be repelled by an unknown force. To an onlooker, they would believe that she had erected an invisible barrier. In truth, she had swatted all thirty-five fingers in an instant with her sole tail.
“I gather that the Tenth Act will open the doorways to the Fate Mechanism. Let this be a reminder of what fate awaits you when that day comes.”
“The Tenth Act…”
“… You will never recover from it.”
The finger the tip of her blade had touched suddenly began to shrink into itself. Light bent around that space, and it rapidly expanded to the size of a small ball. It devoured the Star Sign from the inside out, leaving nothing behind before it swallowed itself.
“[OOOOO] White Hole [OOOOO]. A Star Sign’s maximum Arbitration Skill goes up to Stage Four. Hardly comparable to a Stage Five Absolution Skill.”
White Hole was the Stage Five Absolution variant of a Skill called [Gravity Well]. It was a common ability among the Stars. This allowed a Star to create a gravity well wherever they touched, and it would manifest the color of their respective namesake.
This was why the White Star Arbiter’s was called [White Hole], though the naming scheme was likely different for other Stars, since they did not use Light.
In any case, she had removed the Celeste Star Fate for the time being. Star Signs were avatars of a Star, so killing them did little to the Star itself.
