Reincarnated Into A Dead Woman's Body In Another World-Chapter 236: Arc 4, Act II, - 81: No Matter the Colour of Your Wings

Chapter 236: Arc 4, Act II, Chapter 81: No Matter the Colour of Your Wings

Asobi tilted her hatless head, "Why would you ask that silly? I’m supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" she beamed as bright as ever.

"Asobi," Jotou gave a soft stare. 𝑓𝘳𝑒𝑒𝓌𝘦𝘣𝘯ℴ𝑣𝘦𝑙.𝘤𝑜𝑚

Asobi stared; the corners of her lips fell down, then down, then down.

"Please don’t ignore the problem," she slanted her head, causing her near-golden strands to fall like silk. "Remember what we talked about? Before we fought the rogue battalion?"

"... ... Not everything can be happy," the jade-green eyes darted elsewhere.

"And?"

"I shouldn’t ignore them... But! You also said you’d teach me to confront them Jotou!" her gaze jumped back.

"Well then," Jotou sat back against the bench, "I’m here aren’t I?"

Her fingers wrapped around the wand in her hand, clenching tighter than usual. "Everything, feels different... I-I don’t know why, but I can’t, feel, happy anymore...

I can! But, not really. I don’t know, everything just feels hollow—empty." Inch by inch she moved the wand over her face. The reds in the whites of her eyes, the dark circles under were now visible—she removed her illusory makeup.

The tired elf stared to Jotou, "I, I don’t understand," she fell sideways, her head falling onto the blonde’s shoulder. Jotou’s soft gaze followed till Asobi slumped all the way down till her raven-black hair fell onto the blonde’s lap.

Asobi curled up on the bench, wand in both hands, "I don’t know what’s happening," she muttered. She let out a low continuous whine.

Jotou sighed to Asobi in her lap, "This is what happens when you brush your problems aside." Jotou grabbed the hat before it fell, setting it aside. Her left hand patted the top of her raven-black hair, "What’s been troubling you? When did you start feeling like this?"

Asobi stared off into the balcony, blinking and thinking, "...Ever since we fought in the battalion; or after. In Kria, the velatos, Moren, all the assassins that tried to take us down; they were bad people, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And the people who fought with us. The Lexokodac, Kor, Mr Tensuo; they’re the heroes, right?"

"Right."

"The professor guy; he was evil. And the Frye guy, he was definitely evil. But all the other people Jotou... It’s in the grey... We’d be dead-ed if we didn’t fight.

I thought, it would just go away." Asobi turned her head up to peer to Jotou, "Once we got to Cravolta City. And once we met Daiyu, I was sure it was nothing!

But then it kept coming back... All these problems... People hating Daiyu, the assassination from the Countess, Trailon replying, the gala, Trailon people, then the war and all of this magic training...

I had fun and I’m having fun, but these are all... really big. I thought I loved over-the-top, but this is too many eggs to juggle. Why is it so hard? Why is there so many details? Why is it making my head ache!?"

Tears could not be contained from her eyes, jetting out in an instant into rainbowish liquid. Her wand almost snapped, her legs curled in closer, pressing her head into Jotou’s lap.

The blonde’s hand had recoiled for a moment; had she really seen an outburst like this from her before? There she was, crying. Not in a frozen state, not in a breakdown; simply bawling her eyes out.

"There’s good in the wrong and wrong in the good? We have to make the ’better’ choice when both will lead to bad things?" Asobi’s palms pressed into her face.

"I can’t remember everything, there’s too much... I can’t sleep, I can’t understand, I can’t do anything but be happy, I’m scared!" her words muffled through her hands.

She took in quick breaths, gulping the tears away. Asobi’s hands removed themselves, "I know," she gave a weak smile, "I’m not very smart. I don’t understand things very quickly-"

"So you push the thoughts away, hoping that as long as someone else understands you can just follow their lead?" Jotou interrupted, wiping the rainbows away with a finger.

The teardrop turned translucent once it was away from her face. Her other hand soothed her head. Asobi glanced up, the blonde’s face framed under the sea of stars and clouds, wisps of her strands fluttering. "...Do I?"

"That answer’s in there, isn’t it?" Jotou poked the side of her head; Asobi’s head fell back to stare at the balcony. "Everyone thinks at their own pace. Think for a minute."

She stared and stared, thought and thought. At the end, "I do," was the answer she brought.

Jotou hummed, "Looks like it’s been eating you up—your own opinions. You want to voice it out, scream it at the top of your lungs, but you’re not sure if it’s right or wrong.

You’re fighting yourself by putting up an act that everything’s fine. You’ve convinced yourself and you’re rebelling against yourself."

"I’m a paradox?"

"It’s a step in the right direction."

"What, direction?"

"You’re going against things, making your own thoughts on the matter, trying to understand this world that’s more complex than you initially thought."

"Maybe, I always knew, but I avoided it? I mean, it’s all scary isn’t it? When everything feels so important? It’s easier to be me; everything’s so simple."

"You’re changing; challenging who you are." Jotou couldn’t help but laugh, "It sounds like you’re growing up Sobi. And it’s about time you did."

"So, I’m becoming more mature? Like Hotaru and you? I don’t know if I like that..."

Jotou’s lips tightened, "I’ll try not to take that as an insult..."

"Sorry!" Asobi beamed.

Jotou shook her head, "Mature doesn’t mean you lose who you are; neither is growing up. You’re not ’changing’ like a caterpillar to a butterfly. Just one Asobi to another.

And let me tell you a secret." Jotou leaned closer as Asobi raised her head to meet her, "Nobody really ’grows up’. We’re all still children, figuring stuff out as it goes. We just become more aware; doesn’t mean we lose ourselves."

Jotou sat back. "But don’t a lot of people change once they grow up? A lot of adults become meanies and evil... Some of them good too..." Asobi furrowed her brows.

"It depends on the person," Jotou gently petted Asobi’s head, staring to the stars. "Maybe I’m a bit stubborn, but I don’t think I’ll ever grow up.

Whatever the case, you need to be true to yourself. You just learn different things and learn how to act around others. And you learn that you can be your truest self to your friends.

That’s what adulthood really is. Putting on an act for strangers to not think you’re weird, but nobody’s normal. And the people who look down on people being themselves, out of the norm, they’re the ones who’re truly immature.

Good and evil are relative. Break the stupid rules, follow your own morals. I know your heart and it’s the purest thing I know. I trust you can make your own judgements. Plus, you’re twenty dummy," she stuck her tongue out.

Asobi giggled lightly, "If I keep looking at everything like I do, then everything looks simple... Awareness sounds scary; and complex... I think it’s, anxiety? What if I’m not smart enough to handle it like all of you?"

"You’re smart in your own way. I may have an active imagination, but it’s nothing in comparison to yours. You’ll figure it out; and if you don’t, you’ve got your friends to help," all her teeth shimmered.

Asobi glanced back up, siding her head into the blonde’s hand, "Okay. But what if I, what if I’m not me anymore? What if I change too much?

Will people not like me? Will my shows become boring? Will my next show be me filing paperwork and using staplers? Will you all... leave me?" she did not blink. "Will everyone not like who I am? Will I not like who I am?"

"So it’s better to put up a bubbly act which feels superficial to you and eats you up inside?" Jotou’s hand did not remove itself, soothing her frightened mind. Her hand went till it poked the tip of her ear. With a devious grin she swept a finger behind it.

"Hey! That tickles!" Asobi blinked back to reality, a little giggle in her voice.

"Now you’re listening," Jotou beamed. "It doesn’t matter who you become. The people around you want you. Whether that be someone completely different or the same, doesn’t matter.

A wise person once said to me something really important. I now bestow this knowledge upon you, young elf," she put on an accent.

Asobi’s eyes sparkled, listening intently.

"Asobi is Asobi."

Asobi’s face shifted, fluttering her lashes. She gazed at Jotou who imparted this top secret information. Her body expanded from her curled up position, instead just lying the back of her head to stare upwards.

Jotou tilted her head, moving the black locks around the magician’s face, "That’s who I met and that’s who you are; and that’s who you’ll become. You’ll always be-"

"Me," Asobi completed the sentence. She smiled, brighter than the stars, "I remember."

Jotou laughed louder, "Good. Don’t forget it. Your friends will always be here. We’re more than illusions."

Seeing her laugh, Asobi began to giggle like a gremlin. A feeling entered her lungs, easing her heart; something lifting off of her mind, sending it out her breaths. Their laughter filled the cool air.

Asobi’s titter died down, still staring into the eyes of the blonde above her. A modest smile took itself upon her face, "You’re really beautiful Jotou."

The nervous chuckle escaped her lips first, before the light blush painted across her cheeks. Unexpected it was, but welcome all the same. Her eyes softened, "You too; inside and out."

"Inside and out."

"That means-"

"No silly, I’m saying that about you too."

"Oh. Thanks." Jotou patted her head and pushed it back up. Asobi sprung back up onto her feet. "You need some sleep. Don’t stay up too late, alright?"

"I’ll sleep much better tonight!"