Rejected Beauty Practices the Villain Play-Chapter 908 - 883: Heart-to-Heart

In the latter half of the night, Fang Chuning couldn’t sleep at all. He didn’t know whether it was discomfort or something weighing on his mind. He always felt restless, with many fragmented images flashing through his mind. When he tried to look closely, they became indistinct. He seemed unable to grasp whether those fragments were dreams or memories.

"What kind of images are they?" Xie Jue asked tentatively.

"In a world of ice and snow, snow drifted everywhere, and the weather was so cold. It seemed like I was running on the ice field with someone. Was that winter? Does Yangzhou’s winter have such heavy snow?" Fang Chuning was puzzled because the scenes in his dreams were too fragmented for him to see clearly. "I don’t recall such snow mountains. The mountains were barren, with no vegetation, only fierce snow wolves and howling cold winds. What place is that?"

Xie Jue knew; it was the snowy mountains of Beiman. They had pledged their love on those mountains. Was it really the place that left the deepest impression on Fang Chuning after he lost his memory? Xie Jue’s feelings were mixed.

"Don’t be afraid of me laughing at you for saying this. I seem to always be trapped, unable to escape from that snow mountain. The weather was very cold, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable or suffer; instead, I felt at peace. But surviving on such a snow mountain is very difficult." Although Fang Chuning’s impression was hazy, he understood it was a snow mountain that could claim lives.

"Do you always think of that snow mountain?"

"In dreams, repeatedly dreaming of the same thing. Two people huddling for warmth on the snow mountain, but I can never see clearly who they are. It’s like a dream." Every time Fang Chuning tried to see who the person was in the dream, he would wake up. He had attempted to follow up on the snow mountain many times, but he always failed.

"Then let yourself go; don’t think about it anymore."

"If one day you also lost your memory, wouldn’t you want to pursue the past?"

"People often say the past doesn’t matter. What’s most important is the present and the future." Xie Jue lowered his eyes, his sharp features appearing exquisite and serene under the light.

"I disagree. It’s the past that’s most important. It’s past people and events that shape who you are now. If there’s no past, your life is blank, and the future is meaningless. No one can separate from their past to discuss the present and future."

Perhaps because it was late night, Fang Chuning’s suppressed pain began to show slightly. Xie Jue felt his pain but couldn’t find a way to comfort him.

"Xie Tingfeng, why are you so insistent on staying by my side? Can a phantom also bring you happiness?"

"A phantom?"

"Isn’t it? Fang Chuning is dead. Because I resemble Fang Chuning, you’re either looking for comfort with me or a replacement; it’s all a phantom, self-deception. I am not Fang Chuning; I cannot soothe your regrets and pains. Let go, don’t waste time."

Xie Jue laughed in exasperation, finding it incredible that Fang Chuning misunderstood him. "So all this time, you thought I stayed by your side to chase after that elusive shadow. Fang Tunan... you are really interesting."

Fang Chuning is just Fang Chuning.

If one day he really wasn’t there, and someone in the world looked exactly like Fang Chuning, it still wouldn’t be Fang Chuning, and not worth a single glance.

But he couldn’t express these feelings.

"Just look at you, clearly a noble young master, pampered and raised, capable of moving heaven and earth, and yet you choose someone who doesn’t have you in their heart, degrading yourself like this. Why?"

"Confused because of illness, just rest, speak less."

"Xie Tingfeng, have you ever lost someone important?" Fang Chuning couldn’t help but ask.

"I have!"

"Who?"

"Father, mother, sister, aunt, older brother. I have lost many important people. I could have saved them, but I was a step too late, so I still can’t forgive myself." Xie Jue lowered his eyes, hiding the pain. They had talked about this issue before, also in the icy, snowy days, mentioning that massacre of his family. "I can’t forgive myself."

Fang Chuning was slightly shocked, realizing that he had also suffered the pain of losing his entire family.

"Was it enemies?"

Only enemies would cause such a family massacre.

"Yes!" Xie Jue looked up at Fang Chuning, his eyes slightly red. "It’s in the past."

"Did you avenge them?"

"I did avenge them. I ground him to dust," Xie Jue said blandly. "But so what? I wish he were alive, my family were alive, and none of it ever happened."

"If you lost your memory, it might be a blessing. Then you wouldn’t repeatedly recall the pain." Fang Chuning said, thinking that if he endured such pain, losing memory would be a gift from the heavens.

"No, I want to remember, whether it’s pain or joy. I must firmly remember everything. Life is short, and if you carelessly want to forget, then what will you remember for the rest of your life?" Xie Jue said lightly. "The more heartbreaking your pain, the more precious your happiness."

"Transparent, if only they had your understanding."

"They? Who are they? What did they say?"

Fang Chuning said, "It’s my father and mother. I keep looking for past memories, always feeling I’ve lost something. But my parents always say the past doesn’t matter; the future is most important; living each day to the fullest is enough." Fang Chuning said, "My mother said, I don’t have many happy memories, so forget if you forget. I’ve been thinking, even parents who are so close shouldn’t judge my past. What they think is happiness may not be the same for me; what they think is painful I may find meaningful. I should make my own choices. Maybe because I’ve lost my memory, I’ve become sensitive, always feeling my parents’ attitude is strange. We three don’t quite seem like a family of three."

"They are your parents." Xie Jue said truthfully. "They all love you, though perhaps not in the way you want, but love can be expressed in many ways."

He didn’t want to take advantage of Fang Chuning’s memory loss to sow discord in his relations with his parents. He hoped Fang Chuning could reconcile with his parents. Mrs. Fang would also not want them to continue entangling. They wanted to accompany each other to old age, just as lifelong friends, and still bear others’ gossip and slander. Mrs. Fang and the marshal didn’t want Fang Chuning to remember, just as if Fang Chuning were once a martyr, living anew, not the eldest son of a family of military generals, and not bearing so many hopes, to happily and easily live his life.

"How do you know?"

"I knew your father long ago," Xie Jue said lightly. "That’s why he doesn’t want me entangled with you."

"No wonder he’s so rude to you. Why is he so dismissive? Don’t tell me... you came to bother me before I lost my memory?" Fang Chuning looked at him incredulously. "You’re deeply so attached to this Fang Chuning; Have you gone mad?"