Shinji Matou at Your Service-Chapter 1095: Interlude · Fujino · Forever by Your Side

I am someone who has never known happiness because I don't even understand what happiness is.

Asakami Fujino believed this until she was twelve years old.

To outsiders, this would seem utterly absurd.

The Asakami family was prestigious throughout the Nagano region. Simply having that surname was a sign of fortune. Being born into such a family meant she was already starting life far ahead of the average person. Wasn't it just whining to claim otherwise?

The reality, however, was the opposite.

Whining without a reason is indulgent; whining when there's a true reason is only natural.

Fujino had a condition: congenital analgesia, the inability to feel pain. She had no concept of pain. And without that contrast, she couldn't understand happiness or joy either.

It all began when she was a child when she accidentally cut her hand with a knife and felt nothing. From that moment, she became an anomaly.

She didn't understand why people around her were afraid—there was nothing to be scared of.

She didn't understand why they laughed—there was nothing joyful.

No crying, no laughter, no joy, no sadness.

Missing those two most vivid and important emotions in life, the rest of her feelings dulled as well.

A doll.

An ice-cold beauty.

She had heard people describe her like that more than once, but she felt nothing.

To be more accurate, she never had any real sense of her existence.

Sleeping was just a task to complete, waking up was just a task, going to school was a task, doing homework was just another task, and even living itself felt like completing a task—a walking corpse.

"When I die, it wouldn't be surprising," she thought. Maybe then, she would be freed.

Fujino had thought this many times.

Having no real sense of being alive, naturally, she had no fear of death either.

Even when her distinguished family was on the brink of bankruptcy and the branch families pressured her mother to remarry and forced her to take on a new surname, she felt nothing.

It was just another task. Whether in Nagano or Misaki Town, it was the same task. What difference did it make?

Looking back now, she felt a slight chill.

If she had died back then, she would never have met him, and she would never have understood what happiness truly was.

Yes, just before her fate was about to plunge into an abyss, just before her fragile emotions were about to be worn away by time, she met someone—a man who changed her life, who changed her fate—Matou Shinji, who at the time was not even ten years old.

This remarkable boy met her at a banquet. Though it was their first meeting, he saw through the secret she had been trying so hard to hide—her analgesia, something her father had forbidden her to reveal to outsiders.

Despite having never met before, he was the first person to make her understand the concept of pain.

It was he who helped her regain her sense of pain.

It was he who made her feel joy.

It was he who restored all her lost sensations.

He was the second person to recognize her as a human being. The first was her mother, the only person in her family who didn't call her a monster.

He said, "If you don't feel anything for that family, why not come with me?"

He said, "You are unique in this world."

He said, "I want your strength."

He said, "Become part of my family."

It was the first time she had ever been needed.

It was the first time she understood the weight of the word "family" compared to everyone else.

There was no hesitation. There was nothing to hold her back. If he could give her both pain and joy and if he needed her, then she should go to his side.

A strange reason, but the purest of thoughts.

A rash decision, but the truest of hopes.

Even if the road ahead was hell, she wouldn't hesitate for a moment—because feeling hell was far better than feeling nothing. Any regrets could wait for later.

With these emotions in her heart, she followed the boy she had only met a few times, leaving for an unfamiliar city and an unfamiliar home.

However, she was wrong about two things—very wrong.

First, what awaited her wasn't hell, but heaven.

No one here called her a monster. Everyone was kind to her.

His new father, Byakuya, always asked if she was adjusting well. His sister helped her with all sorts of daily tasks.

And the one she cared for most, Shinji, fully upheld his declaration of "need," taking her everywhere and even finding her a teacher to help her better control her powers.

"Hurry up and grow stronger. You'll become our trump card," he said to her the day she officially became an apprentice.

At that moment, she cried, smiling as she wept.

If this was a dream, she hoped she would never wake up.

If it wasn't a dream, she would give everything to protect this "happiness."

Yes, this was the taste of "happiness," something she had never experienced before.

The emptiness she had once felt was now filled with such intense sensation that it easily overwhelmed everything that had come before.

Does this sound ridiculous?

But anyone who has never lived a life where nothing feels real—no matter what you do—can never understand the value of having all your senses intact.

The girl's heart easily fell.

She remembered every word he said.

She did everything he wanted her to do with all her effort.

He wanted her to grow quickly, so she tirelessly absorbed knowledge from her teacher.

He told her to transfer to Reien Girls' Academy, so she enrolled there.

He told her that girls should take care of themselves, so she made sure to dress beautifully every day.

He told her that her mother loved her and that she should visit more often, so she spent every weekend with her mother.

He told her to stay healthy and happy. That part required no effort.

Because she was always happy, even when facing pain—it was something to be glad about.

Passive? Lacking independence?

Fujino wouldn't deny it. That's just the kind of person she was. But there was nothing wrong with that. Who said being passive was necessarily bad? Wasn't she living quite well?

Of course, she did have desires. She had made wishes on the day she had fallen for him, and as she grew older, those wishes only increased—

At twelve: Listen to him and be his assistant.

At fifteen: Stay by his side forever, no matter what role she played.

At eighteen: Even if she lost all her memories one day, she would remember his name.

At twenty: Give him a pair of adorable children—a daughter more beautiful than herself and a son just like him.

At twenty-two: If the Holy Grail could grant wishes, let it hear her heart and make his desires come true.

These were things she never said out loud, always keeping them hidden inside.

But she would act on them, whether it took five years, ten years, twenty years, or her entire life.

Just like the woman she admired most, Matou Elsa, and her life philosophy.

"Accompaniment is the longest confession of love. Even if the whole world leaves you, I will always stay by your side."

Forever by your side.