SSS-Class Revival Hunter-Chapter 184: The Rookie Actress (2)

“Huh. You guys still don’t want to recognize your wrongdoings. You must be dogs. From now on, when I say something, you will answer with “woof.” Did I make myself clear?”

“W-woof...”

I frowned. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Woof!”

“Good. Grab the mops and rugs. As we clean up the theater, we’re also cleansing our hearts. Clean the theater until you stop being dogs. Do you understand?”

“Woof!”

The actors and I mopped the whole place for two days. The one-eyed actor went back and forth between the well and the theater without stopping, always carrying water jugs.

“When you draw water from the well, don’t pull up the well bucket without thinking,” I told him. “Think of yourself as a servant of some noble family. Immerse yourself into that character. This is such a valuable opportunity. You get to clean up the theater, get rid of the dogs in your mind, and get used to the role of a servant. Three birds with one stone.”

“W-woof...”

The one-armed actor wiped away the murky water on the theater floor and dug up the filthy dirt.

“Shoveling is the pinnacle of irrationality for a reason.[2] Congratulations! You’re experiencing the universe’s irrationality for free.”

“Woof... I’m happy...”

“Imagine you’re a warrior on a battlefield. You lost your arm during the war. The war is so fierce that your superior won’t let you rest even though you lost an arm. You still need to build fences and dig moats day after day. It’s a warrior’s duty not to run away from the battlefield, but should you stay true to your duty if you have to shovel even after losing your arm? No, that’s just nasty.”

“Woof... Indeed...”

“Duty is beautiful, but it can become twisted and nasty under extreme circumstances. In moments like these, the more faithful you are to your duty, the stranger it feels. Strange and nasty. Nasty and strange. That’s irrationality for you. Dig hard and scoop out the water as you doubt yourself as a warrior.”

The one-eyed actor followed my instructions with perfection. “Alright... I’ll keep shoveling...”

I turned to the other actor. “Have you taken out the trash?”

“Woof, Little Boss.”

“From now on, we will cut down new logs and make new chairs. Does that sound good?”

“Woof.”

“These are chairs for the spectators. Let’s say the Cavefire play lasts an hour. They won’t be looking at your face for an entire hour, but they will be glued to the chairs. The only thing in this theater that serves the guests from beginning to end is the chairs. If the chairs are uncomfortable, it will affect their perception of the play.”

“Woof. I understand this is a very important mission, Little Boss.”

“Let’s make a new set of awesome chairs. We’ll replace all the regular and special seats.”

“Woof, woof. Sure, sure.”

The troupe master was good at catching spiders.

“Sonia... I’m still the troupe master...”

After some very harsh profanity from my end...

“Uh, come to think of it, it’s wrong to let the bugs roam around! I’ll get rid of them quickly!” the troupe master said, quickly swinging his feather duster.

[The Troupe Mud and Dust has submitted to your authority.]

[The Troupe Mud and Dust has recognized you as the person in power!]

I didn’t stop even after the cleaning spree was over. After hearing the Tower’s voice, something else that needed to be fixed came to mind.

“Hey, Sonia...” the troupe master said.

“Yes?”

“Why are—um, can I ask what you’re doing with that ladder?”

I set up a ladder near the theater entrance and climbed it, emitting aura from my hands right next to the sign with Mud and Dust written on it.

“As you can see, I’m changing the sign.”

The troupe master was flustered. “C-Changing the sign?”

“Yes. A hundred and thirty years of tradition is good, but honestly, our troupe’s reputation is at the bottom of the barrel. Rather than a pretentiously philosophical name like Mud and Dust, we need a name that appeals to the audience.”

I turned over the worn-out sign. The back was empty. I infused aura in my fingernails and scribbled letters on the wooden board. I was happy to see the new sign.

“Neat.”

Troupe Yapper.

The troupe master looked back and forth between my face and the sign.

“Sonia?”

“Go on.”

“Troupe Yapper is not a good name, right? We have a hundred and thirty years of history—”

“I heard something from the other actors, Troupe Master. It seems you owe quite a bit to the Sylvan merchant guilds.”

The troupe master flinched.

“The Sylvans come to collect their debt at least once every fifteen days.”

“Th-Those rascals don’t know how to watch their mouths in front of newcomers.” the troupe master grumbled.

“It’s not the tradition that makes a troupe cool. You have to take responsibility for your people first since you’re the master of this troupe. You should attract customers and gain popularity. The actors should get to rest in a proper place, not sleep in the dressing room. Am I wrong? Also, I'm Sylvan. I don’t know much, but I know how to do business better than Terras at least. Now is the time to bring in as many spectators as we can. If things continue like this, the troupe will close down.”

I went out onto the street with flyers in my arms.

“Troupe Yapper! Troupe Yapper is performing Wild Fire Sword Dance next Saturday evening!”

“Ugor.”

The Terras walking up and down the street chuckled. The Sylvan ticket agents, who came out to promote their own plays, also laughed.

“What? Yapper?”

“Where is that kid from?”

I was getting some reactions. Good. This was much better than complete indifference. Now that people were paying attention, it was the job of a ticket agent to lead this attention in the best possible direction.

“Woof! Woof! A feast of yaps that you have never heard of or watched in this city is here! Is anyone tired of the trope that the Fire Emperor is actually a good guy? If you believe that a true classic is when bad guys are genuinely bad, you won’t find another son of a bitch like him! You will witness a true son of a bitch in action!”

“Ugor.”

“That Sylvan is really funny.”

“So small and cute.”

The Terras laughed as they walked up and down the streets. The troupe master, who followed me to the street, was staring at me expressionlessly. When the pedestrians seemed to have gathered a little, I pulled out the ace from my sleeve.

“Great warriors, this isn’t a Cavefire play you can see every day!” I announced, snapping my fingers.

Ding!

The pedestrians were shocked by the piano-like sound effect.

“Uger?”

“What was that?”

It was simply the sound of two strands of aura fired colliding with each other. The collision shook the air, making a sound similar to that of piano keys. It required quite a high level of aura mastery, but I didn’t find it difficult at all.

“Behold!”

I continued making sounds using aura.

Ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding.

When it came to music, I wasn’t too knowledgeable, but even I could play the Celebrated Chop Waltz.

“Come on! Even a Sylvan ticket agent can use her aura like this! What kind of magical Cavefire play will the Troupe Yapper put on?”

The sky was bright and clear with sunlight shining down the street. I played the tune by moving my fingers, attracting a lot of attention from onlookers.

“Airburst?”

“Unbelievable. Oh my god.”

“Is that Sylvan making sounds using her aura...?”

Finally, pedestrians started looking in my direction. It wasn’t just them. Ticket agents from the large theater troupes also opened their eyes wide toward me.

“There is not a single dialogue in the Troupe Yapper’s plays! Fire Emperor, Kekerukker, no one says a thing! Fire doesn’t talk, it just burns! Witness the first dialogue-free Cavefire play in history!”

This chapt𝙚r is updated by freeωebnovēl.c૦m.

The Terras gaped at my brilliant aura display.

“Dialogue-free...?”

“Is it possible for Cavefire plays to have no lines?”

“Well, it’s quite tricky not to say anything at all.”

Some were astonished by my aura play, but some found my advertisement of a dialogue-free Cavefire play suspicious. They kept asking themselves how such a feat was possible, concluding it was unachievable. People were having conflicting emotions.

I continued to smile brightly and hand out the flyers. “If the actors say even one word, we’ll give you a full refund! Full refund if you hear just one line! Get double the ticket price for two lines! I’ll give you all my life assets for three lines! This isn’t a Cavefire play that you can see every day! If you bring a flyer, your plus one can watch the show for free! Your plus one is free! Free admission! You can earn money by watching this performance! Thank you! Yes, thank you!”

The pedestrians already had no power left to reject. Slightly entranced, they accepted the flyers as if they were intoxicated by a strong perfume. In no time, we ran out of flyers.

“Thank you! Until the day of the play, I’ll be here every day! Of course, my concert will be free! Oh, this is a big problem. My troupe master owes a lot to the merchant guilds, but he’s going to go bankrupt if we keep going like this! He’s desperate for success!”

I grabbed the troupe master’s hand. He was a little surprised but didn’t shake off my hand. With the pedestrians’ attention on him, he even gave a half-hearted smile.

Good.

“What is a good actor anyway? No one gives better performances than actors who are about to go bankrupt! None of our troupe members have a home! They have to act or die on the stage! The never-changing truth of the acting industry is that acting skills correlate with the thickness of actors’ wallets! I’ll also make an appearance in Troupe Yapper’s play next Saturday evening. Yes, you heard that right, next Saturday evening! Thank you! Troupe Yapper’s show is next Saturday evening!”

I bowed to the pedestrians. Naturally, the troupe master also had to bow. No one was clapping or cheering, but things didn’t look bad. This was really good for us. I quickly left the street, flashing the business smile I learned from the Black Witch.

—Wowza, the Guardian muttered. Are you not embarrassed?

I shrugged. I’m just doing my job, so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

—Even so, you’re the Young Heaven of the Heavenly Demon Cult.

The demonic cult was built by fleeing miners and driven-out farmers. What’s wrong with handing out flyers on the street? This is also honest work.

—Seriously... You’ll thrive even if you end up in the middle of a jungle or a desert. The Fire Emperor is surely amazing. I can’t believe he sent someone like you out into the world.

Sonia, in her spirit form, had a strange expression on her face. I could read both respect and self-loathing were mixed in her face.

—Mr. Kekerukker, you’re amazing, but... How should I put it? You’re amazing in a very different way from the Kekerukker I imagined. Wait, is this actually who you are, Mr. Kekerukker?

Yes.

Once we were far away from the intersection, the troupe master broke the silence.

“Are you serious?”

“Huh? About what?”

“A dialogue-free Cavefire play. How can you say no lines on stage?”

“Of course I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to prospective guests.”

“But...”

“Don’t worry. I’ll do my best to put on a worthy show. If things don’t work out, I’ll go on stage alone. There is absolutely no need to worry about whether we lied to our customers or not. Anyhow, we have work to do. New chairs should have been installed in our theater by now. Please pick the chairs that are going to be reserved for special guests and make nice tickets for them. The price will be twelve times that of a regular seat.”

The troupe master was surprised. “T-Twelve times? That’s expensive...”

“We gave flyers to a lot of people. The prospective customers will most likely bring them at the show. Their plus ones will watch the play for free, so we should make up for the insufficient revenue through special seats.”

“B-but isn’t the price too high?”

“It is. Only customers who don’t find it expensive will buy it.”

I lightly flicked my fingers and played the note La using my aura.

“They’ve all seen me using my aura. Any warrior with a competitive spirit will want to see my performance from as close as possible so they can watch and learn. The ticket is too expensive for the guests who will come to see the performance, but it’s cheap for the warriors who will come to heighten their aura mastery. We will attract the former for free and extract profit from the latter. Troupe Master, trust me and rip some guys off.”

On the next day at noon, several Terras roamed around in front of the theater.

“Is this Troupe Yapper?”

“I heard there is a performance next Saturday. I would like to reserve a front seat in advance.”

“I heard that Sylvan over there will also appear on stage. Is that true? I want a ticket to a performance featuring that Sylvan.”

Even after hearing the price, the four Terra warriors readily bought the special seats. Still, the troupe master looked at me in disbelief. Something like this had probably never happened since he took over the theater.

I flashed a bright smile. “I was right, wasn’t I?”

Two days later, all the special seats were sold out.

1. This is a wordplay on 개판(shitshow) and 개(a dog). ☜

2. The raw is 삽질이 괜히 삽질이 아닙니다(literal: Shoveling is meaningless for a reason.) 삽질하다 means meaningless efforts. The phrase originated from Korean military officers who made their subordinates shovel dirt for no reason. The real reason was to establish a hierarchy among them. ☜