The Divine Doctor And A Common Farmer-Chapter 1689 - 1776: Dare Not
This is Yun Ge; it’s the wound on her heart that is difficult to heal and soothe.
When it comes to her feelings for Fengsu, Yun Ge says it’s not enough, it’s still not enough.
Dong Huiying once thought that Yun Ge’s love was too shallow, too shallow to muster the courage to join hands with Fengsu for a lifetime.
But perhaps this indeed played a part, yet the deeper issue is not that she doesn’t want to love, but rather she doesn’t dare to love from the bottom of her heart!!
"Listen, Yun Ge!" Her voice was full of strength, making people want to believe in her for no apparent reason.
"Look at me, yes, just like that, don’t blink. You will feel yourself gradually calming down..." She had never used hypnosis on a close person, and this was the first time.
Her voice had a kind of magic, under her soothing, Yun Ge miraculously calmed down. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶
However, even though the intense emotions had calmed like a tranquil water surface, the emptiness and bewilderment in Yun Ge’s eyes resembled a more eternal sadness.
"Purple chervil..." She stared blankly at Dong Huiying, suddenly burying her face in her palms. "I’ve had enough..."
Had enough of everything, had enough of worrying and being frightened, had enough of wanting to love but unable to love.
Back when Purple chervil was afflicted with the Devouring God Gu, no one was restricted, she once thought it was her fault because she was a calamity star, thus implicating Purple chervil in misfortune.
Later she learned it was Yun Shuihan’s doing that caused that Dajin Gu Woman to target Purple chervil, which further confirmed her guess!
Why did Yun Shuihan do this? Wasn’t it because of her!! It was because of her that Yun Shuihan targeted Purple chervil!!
And when Purple chervil requested departure from the capital due to the Devouring God Gu, it was like a heavy blow from the entire world, completely knocking her down!
At one point, she even did not know why she was alive, or what the meaning of her life was?
She was greedy, after all, she was unwilling!! When Purple chervil was neither seen alive nor dead, she thought she might as well end it all, yet she was also afraid that if Purple chervil were alive, if she knew about her death, she would despise her for seeking death like a coward.
So she endured, she stood firm, but had no idea about the meaning of her life or why she was living!!
Every day felt like a year, she even felt she was about to go mad.
To preserve the little bit of sanity she had left, she pinned all her hopes on Purple chervil. At that time, not knowing Purple chervil’s whereabouts, she vowed to find her. But because of the Devouring God Gu, she knew that Purple chervil couldn’t hold on for long.
Actually, instead of saying "find her", it was more like she was afraid she would die in some remote area without anyone knowing, she actually wanted to collect her body, not willing to see her live a life of glory only to die miserably, exposed in the wilderness.
However, a miracle happened.
Her Purple chervil was actually still alive!
Even if she no longer remembered their past, as long as she was alive, the mere existence of her was already a great redemption for her.
There is one thing, not sure if anyone has noticed.
Yun Ge covered up her inner unease very hard, she did it very cautiously, so this should not have been noticed by anyone.
Given her feelings for Dong Huiying, and Dong Huiying’s importance to her, logically, even separating for just a moment would be unbearably hard for her.
Yet every time they met, she would cling to her variously, but always choose to part for various reasons.
Because she was afraid of harming her.
Because, as long as she knew she was alive, and living well, even if they were not together, it... didn’t matter.
