The Forsaken Hero-Chapter 1009: Hope

I finally understood. Looking at Connor now, begging on his knees, the desperation in his eyes. The terror.

Why did Connor trade the shard? Why did he gather all the Risen together for us to slaughter? Why did he threaten the only land I’d ever called home? Each of those things, on its own, was enough to guarantee his loss. Or at least make his life incredibly difficult.

And yet he’d taken every step. Deliberately. All for this moment.

My vision was right. Connor never planned on winning.

At least, not what anyone else would consider winning.

Tears gathered in my eyes as my friends’ expressions hardened. R’lissea trembled, but she didn’t loosen her grip on her staff.

"You’ll become a lich?" she whispered, horrified. "One of those...monsters?"

Connor looked up, regaining his feet and some of his composure. He managed a cruel grin, but the cold was distant in his eyes. "If you kill me, I swear it."

"Yet if we leave you alive, what’s to say you won’t do it anyway?" Korra asked. "I say we kill him. We already figured out and countered his black mist."

"Can we afford that?" Gayron asked, glancing at Luke.

Luke shook his head. "I’m afraid I can’t spare any more attention to this matter. End it here, for after this, our strength moves on the southern continent, and you won’t be able to count on our help."

"Then..." R’lissea hesitated, her gaze straying to Fyren. "You can do it, can’t you? The same thing you did to the liches?"

I didn’t miss Connor’s short breath or the way his eyes flickered.

"You don’t know what you’re asking," Fyren said softly.

"Would it work?"

He nodded, expression solemn.

R’lisesa shivered, avoiding anyone’s gaze. "I...I don’t want to, but...it’s the only way to protect everyone."

Fyren glanced at me, but I was fixed on Connor. He returned my gaze, pleading. Hopeful.

"Why?" I whispered, my lower lip quivering.

"Why?" he lifted his chin, strong and imperious. "Why would I what? invade your lands? Slaughter your innocents? Because only I can see their true value. They deserve freedom. Freedom from life and choice. Freedom to follow someone powerful. Freedom to serve me, even if from the grave."

"Why do you want to die?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it, a conflicted look on his face.

"He’s not going t o die, remember?" Korra said, crossing her arms. "He’s going to turn into a Risen. That’s the whole problem, remember?"

"No," I shook my head, slipping out of Luke’s arms. Everyone tensed as I walked toward Connor, but he didn’t raise his scythe. I came to a stop barely a pace away, looking up at him. He was pale and gaunt, over ahead taller, and yet...I wasn’t intimidated. "You promised, "I whispered, letting my staff vanish. "You said you would die. Why are you giving up? Why are you forsaking us?"

"Us?" Luke frowned, putting a hand on my shoulder. "He’s the enemy, Xiviyah. Think of how many millions he killed."

"Could you ever forgive me? Could you even live in the same world that I do?" Connor asked, looking suddenly at R’lissea.

She froze, eyes wide, before slowly shaking her head. "Never. I’m sorry."

He let out a wry chuckle. "Then what about in the next world? Or the next? That soul like mine, stained by so much blood, could live peacefully aside yours? For one day, in eternity, we shall inevitably live together again. It’s the same, is it not? There’s a chance I might enjoy my next life, no? Isn’t killing me just a reward?"

"Every life is a chance for something new. For you, it would be a chance to atone. Somewhere, somehow, you’ll do as much good as you’ve done evil here," I said.

He looked at me, the look in his eyes sending a shudder down my spine. I knew that look. It was filled with darkness and despair. The same look I had in my eyes when I held Aurle. That nothing else could possibly be worse than waking up and continuing on. That nothing could possibly matter.

"How can you do it? How can you see so many possibilities, and see the future as more than simply what happened to happen? To be born, live, and then die, all while everything you strove for, every life you’ve ever lived, is meaningless to who you are in the next one? All of the joy and suffering, all the progress and growth, just gone. How can there be any meaning to it all? How can you see the cycle as anything but a prison?"

"Maybe a prison is where you belong," Korra muttered darkly. 𝚏𝐫𝚎𝗲𝕨𝐞𝐛𝕟𝚘𝐯𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝗺

"Kill me," Connor said, staring at Fyren. "I know who you are, what you can do. The demon told me. If you don’t, I’ll tell everyone. I’ll tell her."

I stiffened, turning to the fire demon. His amber eyes stared back, cold and indifferent.

"What is he talking about?" I shook my head, turning away. It didn’t matter. There would be time to question Fyren later. "Connor, please, you’re wrong. There’s more to this. There’s more to eternity."

"Why do you care?" Luke asked, putting his arm around me. "He’s evil, no? Why does his opinion matter?"

He put his arm around me, trying to guide me away, but I was rooted to the spot.

"Because...because..." But what was there to say? How could anyone possibly understand? How could one untouched by the dark know how dark it really was?

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I turned, burying my head in his chest. "Luke...there has to be an answer. There has to be!"

"This...isn’t about him, is it," he murmured, looking helplessly at the others. They were just as taken aback, but I didn’t care, gripping Luke’s tunic tightly, my tail twitching furiously.

Their stares faded away, swallowed by Connor. He nodded as I choked back a sob, letting a small, sad smile show through the callousness.

"Even if no one else can see it, you do," he said. "Out of two possible futures, what difference does it make which one happens? What does it matter what you’ve suffered? Why should you care that one slave dies? At the end of a life, or rather, at the beginning of the next, does it really make a difference? Does anything?"

I shrank back, shivering uncontrollably. I could feel Luke’s unease, his confusion. But he held me tighter, stroking my hair. I clung to the sensation.

"Even the gods and emperors have an end. Like mortals, they will, at some inevitable point, fall from their power and lose everything that made them who they are. Is that not what you fight against? A Divine that has abandoned their identity? A Divine who will one day fall to the last and be replaced by new gods?" He snorted derisively. "When your goddess fell, did any care? No, they moved on to her replacement, worshiping the new fate god as if nothing had happened. All of her endless aeons gone, forgotten in a handful of mortal years."

His words struck like inquisitor knives, but as I shivered, Luke tightened his grip, holding me close. I opened my eyes, looking up at him, finding his forehead creased with worry.

"You’re going to let me go, aren’t you?" I whispered.

He hesitated, then nodded. "But I’m here now."

I leaned my forehead against his chest, breathing in his scent. It was hot with sweat and blood, but it soothed me, and I sighed, relaxing in his grip.

"And that’s enough." I straightened, blinking away tears, and looked at Connor. "A hug isn’t less warm because it eventually ends. A sunset isn’t any less beautiful, or pastries less sweet, because they, too, disappear. To say they are is to deny your feelings."

"Feelings?" Connor rolled his eyes. "How could anyone think of those reliable metrics?"

"It’s the same feelings that make you want to disappear. To give up," I said. "Building a home, breaking through to the next level, winning a war... You’re right. Those things don’t matter. But they were never meant to. Purpose isn’t found in the destination, but in the journey. Even knowing it ends," I said, smiling up at Luke. "There is still warmth in a hug."

"No...how can you believe that?" There was no hostility in Connor’s voice, just...confusion.

"No story is complete without an ending. But what a blessing it is to be able to move on and turn the page, to experience something new. I almost pity the gods, trapped in their fate. But we mortals are free: free to love and to hurt, to smile and cry. And yes, most especially, free to die. That it has an end only makes this life all the more precious."

"I...I don’t understand. How could transience give more meaning?" Connor asked. "How can today matter when tomorrow will come?"

"Because today hasn’t happened yet. Tomorrow, it will have, but then there will be a new today, a new chance, a new experience. A new reason to live."

Connor’s lips parted, but no sound came out. At last, his head drooped. "I can’t understand. How can you have hope?"

"Hope," I chuckled wryly, shaking my head. "Because if one of us is right, if I can either hope or despair, I’m going to hope. It’s so much brighter and warmer. It’s worth fighting for, even against the darkest shadows. Tomorrow can always be better than today. And one day, it will be."