The General's Wife Wants to Leave-Chapter 177: Weakness

Canillas did not stop inching closer toward Joanna, even after he noticed her flinching before holding her breath.

As if knowing where his direction was, he saw her close her eyes and lips shut. But she did not push him away, although her wrists that he held twitched as she closed her hands into a ball.

Smiling, Canillas’ lips, which were a hair’s breath away from the pursed, quivering rosy lips, moved up to press on her forehead.

Letting his lips rest there for a few seconds with his eyes closed, Canillas opened his eyes and brought his forehead to press on Joanna’s forehead, where he had kissed. He then said, "I didn’t blame you and wasn’t angry at you. So you don’t need to feel guilty."

Surprised at what she just heard, Joanna, who had her eyes flew open when she received the second kiss from her husband, after the first surprising one that made her freeze on her ground in her room in the Powel Orphanage, frozen once again on where she was standing at the moment.

Canillas knew her well. He knew his wife was actually a warm-hearted lady. Her heart was also soft. Her coldness and cruelness toward him were only a facade, and he knew that very well, as she was like an open book for him.

She would have her demeanor soften after she had done something that she thought had hurt him. No matter how she tried to act cruelly toward him, there was a soft spot that he could find in her countenance.

Because of that nature, she had never brought up marriage annulment after their encounter with the lady whom she tried to matchmake to him, to then take over her position as his wife.

Since then, her gestures have softened, as if she came to the realization that she had no other options but to embrace their marriage, although the line between them was still maintained by her.

What just transpired between them was also the same. She had accused him of doing something that would hurt her, which ended up making her feel guilty after she realized that he had never had that intention for her. Thus, she accepted any affectionate gestures from him, although she was reluctant.

She also did what he asked of her, although she was not completely willing.

He actually tested her, as he needed to prove that his hypothesis was right. He wanted to know about that since he embraced her on the balcony a few moments ago. And it was proven to be right. It was right that she obeyed him, behaving like an obedient wife, but it was not from her heart.

Had she never done something that she thought had hurt him, she would have kept their distance between them, regardless of the tender nature she had. She would have pushed him away when he embraced her or held her hands, desperately freeing herself from him, just like she tended to do all this time under normal circumstances.

Nonetheless, wasn’t it an opportunity to take advantage of her after proving her weakness? Wasn’t it his chance to claim her as his wife and treat her as much as he wanted to by using her weakness?

It would be yes if he was really a pervert or uncultured man, like she accused him before, which made her soften against him. But he was not, and he was not interested in being one.

If that was so, he could just pretend to be oblivious, thinking that she had really had a change of heart or that it was her duty to serve him as her husband regardless of the reason that made her decide to do so.

It was the temptation that came to his mind when he embraced her a while ago, shielding her from the air that chilled her body.

It was also temptation that lured him to believe that she had a change of heart every time she treated him tenderly or painted her face with a softened and concerned look.

But still, he could not do that. He could not ruin her innocence for his own satisfaction. Because she was not a tool to satisfy his desire. She was his wife, and what he wanted from her was her as his wife, truly from her heart, without guilt or force as the reason behind it all.

For others, his way of thinking might be considered insensible. Too much consideration for a woman who had an absolute obligation to serve him as wife. But he was who he was, not able to hurt her in the name of obligation, customs, or satisfaction.

Canillas was aware that it would be difficult to express what feelings should be afforded between a husband and wife who had never met before they married. fгee𝑤ebɳoveɭ.cøm

Customarily, it was compulsory for wives to serve their husbands regardless of the feelings they had toward strangers. Fear, depression, anxiety, compassion, regret, guilt, hopelessness, despair, or whatever one had as feelings should not deter them from serving the so-called husband.

He was also not sure why, since the first time he met her, seeing her in person for the first time with his own eyes, all he wanted to do was comfort and protect her. He had no passion to force himself on her, although his desire as a man was always there every time she was with him.

He was also reluctant to abide by the customs or any rules that had long existed in his or her homeland about how wives and husbands should behave toward each other because he had his own perspective on that point.

He, of course, wanted to seal their marriage bond as quickly as possible so that there would be no reason for them to part ways, especially with her, whom he still sensed had not yet settled in their marriage, although the topic of marriage annulment had never been mentioned for quite some time now.

But again, he still held on to his first decision that he had to wait until his wife was ready and willing.

It might take time to get her as his wife from her heart, and he had actually lost patience with time. Yet still, he did not want regret to taint a marriage that he was sure to last forever, just like the meaning of number eight that he had made up to answer her curiosity that night.

"Don’t hold on to guilt or compassion if you decide to do what a wife should do in our marriage," Canillas uttered. "It’s definitely bliss to me if you finally accept me as your husband and play your role as my wife. But not if you feel pressured."

Unable to stare into the eyes that were so close to hers, as she had her forehead pressing against his, making her skin to skin with him again after they did in the balcony a while ago, Joanna had her eyes downcast while perceiving every word that, to her relief, was spoken in the usual tender tone he used to speak to her.

There was no audacity lacing his voice that she heard when she was asked to help him wear his tailcoat, and she hoped that he would never use that tone to speak to her as she felt that she would not recognize him if he did so.

Another stream of relief flowed inside her when she realized that what he did just now was only an act to perceive her emotions, which he once again interpreted for her, helping her to recognize the actual feelings that twirled inside her.

Guilty, and there was no need to feel that as the foundation to play her role as his wife and serve him as her husband. It was what he said.