The General's Wife Wants to Leave-Chapter 255: "The same face yet a different person..."

When Joanna was still lingering on every thought that swarmed relentlessly in her mind, she noticed Canillas make some movements from across the table, causing her to break her gaze away from the parchment in front of her.

She raised her head to see what he was doing and found him placing a small box on the table. As he opened it a second later, Joanna could not help but get her eyes dilated. Inside the box were several sharp objects kept.

Subsequently, she watched Canillas pick one needle and burn its tip on the flame of one candle that stood on the candlestick until it turned red.

Joanna was aware of what he was going to do, but still a sharp gasp slipped out of her lips when Canillas pricked his thumb with the cooled-down needle.

That action brought Joanna to see Canillas’ face as if trying to see if he was fine, and that made Joanna belatedly witness him press his thumb on the parchment on top of where his name was written. And a red mark adorned the parchment that was previously predominated in white and black.

With her heart beating so fast, hitting her ribcage, Joanna felt her chest tighten at what she saw.

Why did he always try hard to bring her close to him to the extreme point that it never crossed her mind? She made one step toward him, but he always made ten more steps to get close to her, embracing her until she could not find a way to get away from him.

And just like this moment. She just wanted to talk to him, trying to negotiate if they could delay their journey back to his homeland. But who ever thought that he would use it to make her unable to leave him without his approval, although she did not have that intention anymore.

Bringing her gaze up, Joanna met Canillas’ eyes. He stood before her, separated by the table between them.

"I think I am going insane." Joanna’s whisper-like voice cracked the wall of silence that was left since Canillas was busy himself with sealing the agreement with his blood.

"No, I think I am insane." Joanna revised her previous statement. Her low voice was laced with sadness.

Slowly, Canillas made his way toward Joanna to then stand next to her, who was still sitting on the chair, looking up at him with her eyes glistening under the bath of red-orange glow that simmered in the room. He knew what that was.

Lowering his body to take the same level as hers, Canillas dropped on his knees before her.

Face-to-face with Joanna, who turned her head to stare at him, Canillas wiped the tears that just rolled down from her reddened eyes with his fingertips.

"I dreamed," Joanna said in a voice barely above a whisper. Reaching out a hand, Joanna placed her fingertips on the bridge of Canillas’ straight nose. "I saw this face in the dream." Joanna brought her fingertips to slowly brush down along the line of Canillas’ nose bone.

"I am honored to be in your dream," Canillas whispered, closing his eyes to feel Joanna’s fingertips caressing the curve of his face, enjoying every touch that was like fluttering wings.

"The same face yet a different person..." Her fingertips brushed his sealed lips before resting to cradle his cheek, where she could feel his stubble tickle her palm. "Or the same person..."

Canillas opened his eyes to see tears well up in Joanna’s eyes when the last words came out of her lips.

"You were right... I was in fear... and still in fear..." Joanna revealed her feelings. She was no longer able to contain all the feelings that had washed over her since that dream came to her that stormy night.

"Because of that I left your home and came back here to find shelter in my home. Then you came to bring me back there..." Tears flowed down Joanna’s cheeks. "I refused because I was scared. I hurt my own body to make you despise me, to make you agree to annul our marriage." A small, bitter smile appeared on Joanna’s quivering lips. "But you are still here... staying with me... refusing to put an end to our marriage..."

A silence hovered over the two people who stared at each other.

"What did you see in that dream?" Canillas asked in a low, soothing voice, seeing another tear wet her flushed cheeks.

Joanna was staring into Canillas’ eyes in silence before uttering, "Nightmare."

She did not know where to start and how to tell about the dream. What was sure was that it was a nightmare that still stuck in her mind that had taken away her peaceful life.

Not only when his mother was mentioned, but the black carriage and the uninvited guests that she saw were also part of that. All the memory of that nightmare that she had tried to bury deep in her mind had resurfaced. That fear was back to her, making her feel like she was not in her right mind. Her sanity was like being taken away, leaving her deserted in the pool of insanity.

Finding Canillas not to ask her anymore but having his eyes on hers, Joanna said, "It was why I asked you to annul our marriage. I even tried to introduce you to Clara de Lorn. Because I am an insane woman who is in fear over a dream. I am an insane woman who is not in doubt about inflicting pain on my own body to protect myself and those dear to me."

With her palm still resting on Canillas’ cheek, Joanna continued to speak. "I have made you disappointed so many times. For so many times as well, I have hurt you with my conduct. What are you expecting from a person like me?" More tears streamed down from her eyes. "You have been so kind to me. You have treated me well, endured my disrespectful manner patiently, and overlooked my bad behavior as if what I have done was right." Her hoarse voice represented a heartbroken yet sincere heartfelt.

"But can you deal with me in the same tone for the rest of your life?" Joanna asked despite her aggrieved state. "I am a broken person who will only cause a burden in your life. You deserve someone better than me, someone who will shower you with happiness, someone who is whole." A faint smile broke through her trembling lips as she looked into the man, who was still silent, but she was sure that he was listening to the content of her heart.

"I remembered you ever said to me that you will only have one marriage for a lifetime. It is not too late to change your mind, Sir Canillas. I really mean it. I am sorry." Joanna sobbed.

She was sorry because she was not strong enough to hold his hand on the walking path of their marriage. It was too hard for her. Joanna gave up.