The Lycan king-Chapter 53
*Leonora*
I laid on Jax’s bed staring at the ceiling in the darkness. There were streaks of light pouring out from the window into the room. For once I found comfort in the darkness. No one could see me, hear me. I was a ghost. I had tried so hard not to cry but it was almost impossible. Nothing could erase what I did from my mind. I could still see his body drop to the ground. It was hard to erase the image out of my head and no matter how I tried hard not to feel anything, I could still feel his hands on my body. The way he gripped my neck, the way he kissed my neck- everything was so fresh in my mind. There was no way I could forget. 𝐟𝐫𝕖𝗲𝘄𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝕧𝐞𝚕.𝕔𝕠𝐦
The feeling of the dagger on my hand was still imprinted into memory. I had held it with so much anger- hell, I was blinded by anger and rage. When I saw him fighting Jax, I knew what had to be done. The witch said I was going to have to choose and I did. I chose Jax but I don’t even know if he was the better option. All I knew was that I wanted Luke out of my life.
For three months, Luke had been the best but just one night. One night and he showed me the kind of person he could be. I could not forget the way he repeated that he would never hurt me as he squeezed my throat, as he kissed my neck.
In the shower, I had tried to get Jax to choke me. Maybe it would have changed the way my body felt. Maybe the feeling of irritation and disgust would leave my system and I would finally be able to feel something else. Maybe even sleep. I felt so sleep deprived but it was all my fault. I chose to leave with Luke. It was all my fault and I’m paying for it.
The bathroom door opened and Jax stepped out. I watched as he walked over to his closet, opening it and pulling out a pyjama set. He took off his towel, throwing it in the laundry bag and put on his pyjamas. I wiped the tears forming in the corners of my eyes as he walked toward the bed. He climbed into bed, situating himself beside me under the duvet.
"Leo." He called out to me as I turned my back to him. I could still remember Luke telling me that he heard I like being choked. I wanted to scream at Jax for telling someone. Who even told him I liked it? "Please talk to me. Don’t shut me out." He said as a few drops of tears streamed out of my eyes.
"I killed someone today, Jax. I stabbed someone. How can I get over that?" I asked as I felt him get down from the bed. He walked around to my side of the bed and climbed into bed. He brought his hand to cup my cheek, using his thumb to wipe the tears from my face.
"You didn’t kill him. The wolfsbane just made him unconscious. If someone takes out that knife, he’ll wake up. You didn’t kill him, I promise." He assured me. "There’s so much to say. Why didn’t you come to meet me when someone was chasing you?"
"Why would I come to meet you when you were the one that sent him to kill me?" I asked and he frowned. For a second, he looked genuinely confused. I didn’t really care because this was the same man that gave me sleepless nights. The same man that decided I wasn’t good enough for him.
"Why would I want to kill you? I was literally begging you to stay with me." He said as he inched closer to me. "I was so confused when the guards told me they saw someone chasing you. You should have told me. I’m here to protect you, Leo." I wanted to scoff at his words. I wanted to scream at him for everything he had done to me. I wanted to say all the things I felt for him. I wanted to release all this pent-up anger that was buried in the deepest part of my heart.
"Why did you tell everyone that I liked being choked? I never liked it." I mumbled as fresh hot tears pooled at my eyes. I didn’t want to remember but it was impossible. Luke’s hands held my neck for such a long time. It may have been seconds but it felt like hours to me. Long excruciating hours.
"Why would I tell anyone? We’ve only had sex once and as much as I loved it, there are so many things I don’t know about you." He answered. "I think there are so many information that is missing here. Can we talk about it tomorrow? You look stressed."
"I don’t think I can fall asleep." I admitted and he pulled me closer to him until I was laying on him. "You don’t need to treat me like this."
"I meant it when I said I feel something for you and I want to explore it. You’ve proven yourself to me and now its my turn to show you that I can be the man for you." He explained and I sighed. If he had said this three months ago, I would have leaped for joy. It was exactly what I wanted to hear him say. Things were different now. I am different. I wasn’t the same Leonora that I was three months ago.
With the witches help, I was able to let go of all my past anger. They were still lingering but I learnt to deal with it. It made me realize that Jax had done something to me that I wasn’t sure I was going to fix. He had broken me into pieces and it would take more than just little sorrys to fix what was broken.
