The Substitute Healer (BL)-Chapter 54: “Hush now, my child…
In a familiar land of lush, green nature and a gentle wind atmosphere, the complete opposite of where Soren had been moments before he lost consciousness, he found himself once again. This was also the second time he had ever been here, as far as he could remember.
The first had been during the annual ritual at the northern temple when his mana had spiraled violently out of control.
And just like before, Soren found himself lying against the thigh of the godlike figure.
Her voice was even gentler than he remembered, so soft that merely hearing it filled one with warmth and calm.
How much more so when she tenderly caressed his hair, as though he were her own child.
He couldn’t describe her face since he couldn’t see it at all. In his eyes, there’s radiant golden light that covers her features completely. Still, Soren could somehow tell and feel that she was pleased to meet him again. 𝕗𝗿𝕖𝐞𝐰𝗲𝕓𝐧𝕠𝕧𝗲𝐥.𝚌𝐨𝚖
She wore a flowing white robe trimmed with golden linings, and her golden hair danced freely whenever the wind brushed past it.
"Uhm... am I dead?" Soren asked lightly despite the curiosity in his voice.
Even then, he was fairly certain he wasn’t.
"Haha. You really do have a talent for joking without ever changing your expression, my child." she replied, amusement lacing her gentle tone.
After her words, Soren pushed himself upright and sat beneath the shade of the massive oak tree. Then he glanced around, taking in the scenery. Everything felt surreal and peaceful to an almost unnatural degree.
"My child," she said softly, "aren’t you curious as to why I keep calling you here?"
At that, Soren turned his gaze back to her, though her eyes remained hidden behind the golden light.
"Hmm... I’m not sure, to be honest. I just..." he trailed off, unable to come up with a clear answer.
No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t understand why a godlike being like her would be speaking to him at all.
Soren wasn’t even sure if what he was seeing was real or just an illusion. After a lifetime of being underestimated, mocked, and mistreated, he had long stopped believing that anyone would truly see him differently.
Though there had only been one person who ever did, Elias.
Aside from his mother, Elias was the one who had shared both his highs and lows. Even now, separated by distance, Soren could still feel that Elias was there, as if their bond had never faded.
Still, even if some of the knights treated him kindly now, who knew what would happen when they were forced to choose sides? He was certain they wouldn’t choose him not someone born a nobody and known only for his strong healing ability.
As for the duke and the prince, Soren was sure they only saw him as nothing more than a healer.
He let out a quiet sigh, and the godlike figure turned her attention fully toward him.
"My child, would you be willing to give people another chance... and let them into your heart?"
Soren turned his gaze toward her once more. For a brief moment, he parted his lips, but no words came out.
His thoughts just tangled, leaving him unable to respond.
The godlike figure then rose to her feet and reached out her hand to him.
After a short hesitation, Soren took it, and she led him forward. As they walked, the grass bent softly beneath their steps, and daffodils swayed as if dancing around them.
When they reached a clearing filled with flowers of many kinds, not far from the oak tree, she released his hand. She lifted her gaze to the pale, bluish sky where birds flew freely along with their cheerful chirps echoing through the air.
Soren then followed her gaze and stared at the sky as well.
"A sky is no less vast for the birds that soar across it, my child," she murmured. "A tree’s grace is not diminished by the butterflies that dance upon its branches nor is the earth any less whole for the ants that traverse its surface."
She patted Soren’s head softly.
"You shall not be diminished for welcoming others into your life. To open your heart once more, even with your fears and imperfections, shall bring you no harm. Do not burden yourself with such deep resentment. I know the weight you have carried, the hardship of your path. Yet if you choose to trust, if you choose to believe in others again, I swear that one day, joy will find its way to you. Seek the brighter side of this world, my child, and I implore you to not linger in the shadows of what has passed."
Listening to her, Soren didn’t know how to feel.
He denied his understanding, but deep inside, he understood what she meant all too well.
As someone who had lived alongside misery his entire life, it had become something normal to him, to the point that if things didn’t go the way he wanted, he would simply accept it without complaint.
Soren knew that sometimes he was being pathetic and too self-centered, letting both things and people go without resistance.
But now, hearing it from someone in his dreams or perhaps his illusion, something stirred in his chest.
’Is it really alright for me to trust people again? Is it okay for me to lay myself bare in front of them, to let my guard down, and to hope? I don’t know. For the past twenty-four years, all I have known was misery, pain, and violence, to the point that I grew numb but I am also a person. Even if I seem cursed for not being able to feel pain, my chest still throbs so badly that sometimes I want to vomit. Sometimes it becomes difficult to breathe. I was so used to people hurting me, discriminating against me, and mocking me. I lost my sense of self. I’m afraid that if I let my guard down and hope for something again, I’ll end up being hurt more than I already am. It’s hard to bear. If my mother hadn’t said those last words, I would’ve followed her long ago. But her wish was for me to live... I don’t know what to do anymore. My emotions are overflowing...’
Before he knew it, Soren, for the first time in his life sobbed uncontrollably in front of a stranger.
It might have been an exaggeration, but his tears spilled as if water were being poured endlessly. His eyes burned, and his chest ached with every breath.
Before he could voice all his thoughts, she pulled him into an embrace.
"Hush now, my child... what pain have I stirred within you?" she whispered.
"To witness your suffering, to feel the weight of your hurt, grieves my very being. Rest assured, this anguish shall not last forever. All things pass, even the deepest sorrow, though you may not yet see it. I have watched over you for so long, yearning to reach out, yet bound by laws I could not break. Please understand this truth. You are strong, stronger than you know and I have never doubted that. Before me, you need not hide nor restrain yourself. I am here to receive all that you carry, to embrace every tear and every cry. Weep and lament if you must. I shall listen, for this is what I am permitted to do. There, there... my precious child. Remember this, you are not as alone as you believe. There are more hearts that care for you than you can yet see so I beg of you, do not bear your suffering alone."
She patted him gently for a long time as he took his time sobbing, unable to say a single word.
It felt as though everything he had bottled up for so long spilled out all at once. And because of that, the heavy burden in his heart finally felt lighter.
Back on the surface, Alaric carried Soren who was still weak even after they had forced Arctelle to heal him.
"Your Grace, what should I do with Lord Solven?" Gaspar asked while bowing and placing a hand to his chest.
He meant Arctelle.
Alaric tightened his grip on Soren then fixed his eyes on the healer. Arctelle, on the other hand, flinched and bowed immediately, nervously nibbling at his nails.
Alaric then glanced at Cael who was standing nearby while ignoring the murmurs around them. Everyone knew the Duke of Davenmore hated physical contact, yet here he was, carrying the healer himself.
"Your Highness, you must decide what is to be done. I will not interfere," Alaric said, his gaze sharp and cold.
Cael swallowed hard. "Well... should I just send him back to the capital without an escort?"
Cael now tilted his head while smirking slightly as he listened, and Arctelle could feel the sweat pouring down his back. "Or... hmm, what should I do? Injuring a fellow healer could get you hanged, especially on an official mission. Didn’t you know that, Lord Solven? Seems like you’ve been neglecting your studies, eh?"
The fear finally overwhelmed Arctelle so he sank to his knees while sobbing, convinced that he would die if he couldn’t come up with the right excuse.
"Your Highness, please allow me to explain something!"
