Too Lazy to be a Villainess-Chapter 59: Not All birthday’s End with Cake

The gifting ceremony continued. ƒгeeweɓn૦vel.com

There were more sparkly boxes, more overly complicated bows, and more nobles trying to outdo each other with gifts that sparkled louder than their titles. Honestly, it was starting to blur together.

And then...

He came.

The one I hated the most.

The walking wart of the empire.

The human embodiment of a paper cut.

Marquess Everett.

Even his name made my molars ache.

If this were a novel (which it was, technically), then he was the one responsible for my banishment in the future. The snake in a fancy coat. The weasel with a fan collection. The reason I sometimes fantasized about launching mashed potatoes at dignitaries.

I don’t know why, but every time I see him, some deeply buried rage in my tiny body flares to life. My nerves go pop pop pop like bubble wrap.

And his eyes—ugh.

That permanently constipated glare, like someone just served him soup with a fly in it.

Should I just... order someone to pluck out those eyes?

I mean, I’m the princess. Surely there’s a law about protecting royal eye contact.

Anyway.

He walked up, draped in a seaweed-colored robe that was trying very hard to say "elegant" but mostly screamed "swamp monster on a budget." His shoes were so polished I could see my annoyed little face in them. And those feathers on his shoulder—were those...peacock? Pheasant? Pompous? I wasn’t sure.

Then he bowed stiffly. Like his spine refused to bend for commoners, and somehow, I counted.

"I wish His Majesty the Emperor a happy birthday, and..."

Sigh. Look at him.

Stammering. For greeting a toddler.

It was honestly kind of impressive. I watched with the deadpan stare of a judge at a talent show. He fumbled through the sentence like it had personally wronged him.

Then — as if dragging the words out of a crocodile’s mouth — he forced the fakest smile known to mankind and added, "...And I wish the sun of the empire a happy birthday."

Me?

He meant me?

The sun of empire?

Humph.... Coming from the same man who once suggested in the novel that maybe I should be sent to a quiet countryside "for my nerves."

I blinked slowly. Deliberately. Like a cat staring at a bug, it’s deciding whether to squash or ignore it.

I gave him nothing. No nod. No smile. Not even a fake royal thank-you with teeth gritted behind politeness. I simply turned my head and stared at the nearest vase like it was the most fascinating artifact in the empire.

There was a brief silence.

A very awkward one.

Because he — Marquess Everett, walking ego in feathers — was waiting.

Waiting for me to say thank you. And not just him. The crowd shifted uncomfortably. A few nobles glanced at each other. Even the air felt like it was holding its breath, like, "Is the princess... snubbing him? In public? On her birthday?"

Yes, Geraldine. Yes, she is.

Then came the voice I’d been anticipating.

"Lavinia, you should—"

Papa’s voice. Soft, patient, Emperor mode. He was about to tell me to say thank you. You know, to be "diplomatic" or "gracious" or some other virtue, I had zero interest in performing for that man.

So before he could finish, I tilted my head dramatically and gasped with all the sparkle of a girl who just saw a unicorn.

"Oh wow..." I said, eyes wide. "I want those chocolate lava-cakes, Papa!"

There, behind the buffet table. Glorious. Gooey. Steamy chocolate dreams stacked in towers of sugar and happiness. My saviors.

Papa blinked, paused for half a second... and then looked to Theon with a nod.

"Get them for her."

Theon vanished like a man on a quest from the gods.

And Everett?

Oh, Everett.

Did you see that?

Huh?

Hey, you pompous potato with a monocle addiction. Did you see how not even the Emperor is going to force me to thank you?

This is my empire, you bastard. Sit down and eat a shoe.

I didn’t say it out loud. Of course not. I just gave Everett the faintest glance. A look so brief, so cutting, it might as well have been a dagger wrapped in a cupcake.

He flinched.

I turned back to the vase. Still so beautiful. So vase-y. Truly, the MVP of this party.

Victory had never tasted so sweet.And soon, it would taste like molten chocolate.

Marquess Everett — may his socks always be slightly damp — gave a stiff bow and finally walked away.

But not before I felt it.

That glare.

Like two angry cucumbers dipped in vinegar, his eyes burned into the back of my royal head. An ominous glare. A "how dare this four-year-old defy my diplomatic existence" kind of glare.

Hmph.

What, you bitter baguette? Think your hatred burns brighter than mine? I read the novel. I know what you did. I hate you more than you hate spinach in your teeth. So go glare at a wall and trip on your way out.

Now then...

Back to the real matter at hand.Chocolate. Lava. Cake.

My eyes sparkled like treasure-hunting pirates spotting gold. One bite, and the world became a soft, squishy dreamland of gooey warmth and sugar-induced serenity.

That’s how the day was going.

And then... disaster.

My head started to droop.I was losing the battle. The chocolate was winning. Curse you, decadent sweetness!My eyelids grew heavier than Papa’s tax ledgers. I leaned forward—

Thud.

Straight into Papa’s chest.

Papa held and hugged me tighter. His arms were warm.

"Looks like our little princess is sleepy," said Theon with a grin.

Papa nodded like a wise emperor in deep thought. "Call Nerina."

Not long after, Nanny Nerina arrived with Marella skipping beside her like a backup dancer in a royal musical.

"Take her to her chamber," Papa said softly, brushing my bangs aside and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I’ll be back soon."

I gave him the smallest, most royal nod my sleepiness could manage.

He glanced at Ravick. "Stay with her until I arrive."

Ravick gave the knightly nod of honor.

Nanny lifted me up and cradled me as we started walking down the hallway. I lazily raised one hand and waved at Grandpa Thalein.

"Good night," I mumbled sleepily.

I knew he would’ve followed me if he could—but poor Grandpa... he was stuck in the middle of noble chatter.

My head rested against Nanny’s shoulder, eyes fluttering. I was about to drift off completely when—

BOOM!

My eyes snapped open like toast in a war zone. "GASP!" I gasped. (Loudly. For drama.)

Nanny clutched me tighter. Marella jumped like a frightened bunny. "What! What was that?!"

I was wondering the same thing.

Ravick immediately stepped forward, hand on the hilt of his sword. His voice was low and sharp. "Stay here. Don’t move. I’ll check it out."

Nanny gave a short nod, her eyes already scanning every shadow. The moment Ravick disappeared down the corridor, Marella squeaked—then wrapped her arms around both me and Nanny like we were her last hope.

"P-Princess, don’t worry!" she stammered, her voice two pitches higher than usual. "Everything is f-fine! Super fine! Like... like birthday cake and butterflies fine!"

Uh-huh. Sure. Says the girl shaking so hard I thought she might vibrate through the marble floor.

Nanny held me closer, her voice soft but steady. One hand stroked my back. The other?

Pulled a dagger from beneath her skirt with the casual ease of someone who’s used it before.

She knew.Something was very, very wrong.

And just like that, my sleepiness?

Gone. Vanished. Running for the hills.

And then—

SLASH!

A spray of red painted the far wall.

A man’s body collapsed just feet from us—eyes wide, throat slashed open.

Ravick stood over him, sword gleaming red and deadly.

Marella screamed."Assassins!" she shrieked. "Protect the princess! It’s an assassination attack!"

The sound of more footsteps echoed—rushed, heavy, too many.

Ravick’s eyes snapped to Nanny and Marella. "Inform His Majesty. We are under attack! Now! RUN!"

Marella’s face paled like whipped cream left out in the sun. But she nodded, eyes wide with panic, and bolted down the hall in a blur of ruffles and fear.

I clung to Nanny’s dress, heart pounding like a war drum. My small fingers gripped her tightly, and I could feel her pulse racing too.

We were far. Too far from the banquet hall.

Ravick turned toward us, eyes sharp and dark like storm clouds. "There are more incoming," he warned, voice low and grim. "Stay behind me."

Then he moved again.

Like a shadow made of steel and fury.

Another scream. Another body hit the floor.

My breath caught. My tiny hands clutched tighter.

This was no joke.This wasn’t a dramatic dream or childish fright.

This was real.Someone was trying to kill me.

Ravick’s sword dripped crimson as he turned to Nanny, voice sharp but calm. "Find a safe place. Hide. I’ll deal with the rest."

Nanny didn’t hesitate. She tightened her grip on me, nodded once—and ran.

She didn’t look back.She didn’t flinch.She just ran.

Her boots pounded against the stone floors as the echo of steel and screaming faded behind us. Corridor after corridor, hallway after hallway—we turned, we twisted, we sprinted through the palace like shadows being chased by something darker.

And then—A door.

Wooden, plain, tucked away in a quiet bend of the corridor. Nanny threw it open, stepped inside, and gently shut it behind us.

Darkness swallowed us whole.

Her breath was ragged as she crouched low, still holding me. I could feel her chest rising and falling like a panicked drum.

"Nanny..." I whispered, voice small.

She looked at me and forced a smile—soft, calm, the kind only a nanny could give even when the world outside was crumbling.

"It’s okay, Princess," she said gently, brushing hair from my face. "Nothing will happen. I won’t let anything happen to you."

I nodded.Because I believed her.Of course I did.

If Papa was my sword, Nanny was my shield.

I tried to look around. The room was dark—probably a storage room. The walls were cold stone, and the only light came from a sliver under the door. It was quiet. Too quiet.

I was just about to bury my face into her shoulder when—

Drip.

Warm. Wet. On my hand.

I blinked. Looked down.Red.

Huh?

Blood?

I looked up.

"Nanny—"

Blood was trickling from her head.

Behind her...a figure in black.

A man—tall, cloaked, silent as a shadow.

His hand was over Nanny’s mouth.

I hadn’t heard a thing.

How?

How?!

Nanny’s eyes fluttered, and then—

Thud.

She collapsed, my breath froze in my throat and before I could scream, his hand covered my mouth.

"Got her," he said in a low voice. "We have the princess, let’s move!"

The door creaked open behind him. Another figure waited in the shadows.

And just like that...The darkness swallowed me whole.