Too Lazy to be a Villainess-Chapter 80: The Night I Lost My Sleep and Gained a Cousin

[Lavinia’s Pov]

Hehehe... it was sooo fun!

I had eaten like a queen. No, scratch that. Like a hungry dragon who just found a hidden pastry hoard.

Roasted apples with caramel sauce, honey-buttered bread, warm vanilla pudding with cinnamon sprinkles, a soup so creamy I almost cried, and—most importantly—three whole slices of cloud cake.

"Are you happy, my princess?" Nanny asked as she gently patted my head, her fingers brushing through my hair like a lullaby.

I giggled, curled into my warm blankets like a little cinnamon bun. "The food was sooooo amazing, Nanny! I am very, very, very happy."

Nanny chuckled, her lips pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "Alright, alright. It’s time to sleep, little glutton."

"I’m not a glutton," I mumbled, eyes closing. "I’m... a food... enjoyer..."

She didn’t argue. Mostly because I was already drifting.

***

[In the Middle of the Night]

Huh? Why did I wake up in the middle of the night?

There was, no thunder. No monster. No hungry ghost stealing my pudding. Just a sudden emptiness.

I blinked.

The room was dim, the fireplace still crackling faintly. I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes. My hands instinctively reached beside me.

"...Papa?"

Silence.

. . .

Right. He wasn’t here.

My chest squished a little.

"...The bed feels too big and strange today," I whispered to no one.

I scooted out of bed, tiptoeing past a snoring Marshi (who was sprawled like a dead starfish, snoring with his mouth wide open), and padded over to the balcony. The balcony door was cold as I pushed it open.

The night sky outside was huge and deep and a little too quiet.

"I feel... lonely," I whispered to the wind.

And then—

"MAYBE I CAN ACCOMPANY YOU."

I FROZE.

What.

My tiny spine straight-up did a backflip. Goosebumps burst across my arms like fireworks. I whipped around so fast I almost fell over. My eyes scanned the room.

Nothing.

Empty.

Marshi was still drooling in his pillow like the betrayal cat he was. No guards. No, Ravick. Just—

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

My scream shattered the silence like a brick through glass.

Marshi yelped, leaped into the air, and crashed headfirst onto the bed. He rolled over dramatically, twitching like he’d just been cursed.

Then—

WHOOSH.

A black figure flew down from above the balcony like some off-brand superhero.

CLOAK SWISH. BOOTS CLACK. DRAMATIC HAIR FLIP.

"Hey," the man in black said casually, landing like it was totally normal to drop from the sky at midnight into a child’s bedroom. "Why are you yelling?"

. . .

. . .

. . .

And then—

"INTRUDERRRRRRRRR!!!" I screamed.

Marshi immediately dashed in front of him and hissed. The man in balck walked forward, saying, "Stop yelling, for God’s sake."

And then Marshi bit his leg.

"Ack—what the—get off—!"

SLAM.

The door burst open.

"Princess!" Ravick’s voice boomed, his sword already drawn like a true knight of chaos. "What happened?! Are you hurt—?!"

And then he saw him.

The man in the black robe.

Standing ionmy balcony.

I didn’t waste a second. I ran—zoomed—straight into Ravick’s legs and latched onto him like a baby koala. My tiny hands grabbed at his armor, and I buried my face into his thigh, barely able to breathe from the terror of the situation.

"There’s a man! A flying man! He dropped from the sky! He talks weird! Marshi bit him!!"

"I noticed, princess." Ravick’s deadpan eyes narrowed as he raised his sword. "You... Who are you?" he demanded.

Then, Nanny, Marella, and a cluster of guards swarmed in. "Princess...what happened?"

I bolted into Nanny’s arms.

"Nanny...!" I squealed.

Nanny gave me a quick, reassuring hug and then glared at the man in black with the most terrifying maternal stare I had ever witnessed. "It’s okay, Princess. Everything is fine," she said, her voice warm but deadly.

Then—with a dramatic crash—the door BURST open.

"MY PRECIOUS! WHAT HAPPENED?" Grandpa Thalein thundered in, with Butler Faerlan trailing behind, his expression a mix of urgency and dismay.

"Grandpa, there’s an intruder," I said, pointing dramatically at the man in black as if he were a criminal caught in the act of stealing candy. "He tried to kidnap me!"

The black-robed man immediately shot back with the most outrageous voice. "WHAT! HEY, THAT’S NOT—"

Ravick pointed his sword at the stranger, his tone as grim as a death sentence. "Surrender, or I won’t hesitate to execute you right here."

The man in the black robe let out a long, exaggerated sigh. "Damn... I just wanted to meet my sister. What did I do wrong?"

EXCUSE ME!

Before I could process further, the mysterious figure slowly lifted his hood, revealing a shock of bright red hair and striking, noble features. He looked every bit the part of a tall, red-haired elf—elegant and a touch eccentric, as if he’d just stepped off a royal runway.

Did he say sister?

But before I could demand an answer, Grandpa Thalein shot forward like a cannonball of righteous fury.

"HEY, YOU—LYSANDER!" he roared, storming up to the elf like a dad catching his teenage son sneaking in past curfew. "You scared her out of her wits, you walnut! I was about to call for every knight in the empire!"

Then...

BOINK!

That’s the sound of the wooden flower vase made when it bonked Lysander square on the head.

"You absolute walnut-brained, midnight-roaming, eyebrow-tweezing IDIOT!" Grandpa bellowed, grabbing Lysander by the collar like he was about to toss him into the fireplace. "How dare you sneak into your sister’s chambers in the middle of the night like—like—some long-lost pervert uncle from a low-budget play?!"

Lysander flailed helplessly as Grandpa shook him like a rickety maraca.

"U-Uncle! You’re creasing my robe—this is imported!"

"YOUR FACE IS ABOUT TO BE EXPORTED IF YOU DON’T START MAKING SENSE!"

And we?

We were staring at them dumbfounded. Ravick lowered his sword slightly, his expression frozen between Is this man dangerous? And am I the only sane one left?

And then...

"I just wanted to have a sneak peek of my little sister!" Lysander protested, finally wrenching himself free from Grandpa’s iron grip and smoothing down his very crumpled, very expensive-looking robe like a cat trying to regain dignity after falling off a windowsill.

Sneak peek? What am I, a museum exhibit?!

I swear I could feel my left eye twitching.

BOINK!!!

Another brutal cane-to-skull combo from Grandpa.

"She is your sister, not a rare artifact, you cabbage-brained noodle!" Grandpa barked, his eyebrows flaring like they were ready to fly off his face.

Lysander staggered slightly, rubbing his head with a wounded expression. "Why do you keep hitting me in front of her? It’s embarrassing!"

"Oh, now it’s embarrassing?" Grandpa scoffed. "You entered her room like a level ten pervert, and you’re worried about your reputation?!"

WHACK!

Another bop. This one had more oomph. I swear I saw a puff of red hair float gently to the floor like a maple leaf in autumn.

"OW! Uncle!" Lysander squeaked. "You’re going to bruise my brain!"

"You’d need one first!" Grandpa shot back.

"Unfair! I inherited my brains from you!"

"I kept the good ones for myself!"

BOINK-THWACK-SMACK!

Now he was just going for a combo move. Grandpa was swinging that flower vase like he was in a boss fight. At this point, I was starting to wonder if he had a secret job as a martial arts master in his younger years. The cane even made sound effects like "DUN!" "BAP!" "TWACK!"—like a bad radio play.

And me? Well... if I had popcorn, I would’ve been munching it in 3D surround sound, enjoying every second like a baby judge at a reality show.

Lysander was flailing like a dramatic ballerina being attacked by a swarm of invisible bees."STOP! I SURRENDER! MERCY! I’M FRAGILE!"

He even threw in a twirl. Not bad form, honestly.

And then... Grandpa finally stopped. Maybe he showed mercy. Or maybe he just got bored.

Either way, the drama cooled off and now here I am, sitting in a guest waiting room like nothing happened—casually munching on juicy grapes offered by a sweet elf maid. Grandpa sat beside me, still fuming like a kettle left too long on the stove.

And across from me?

Lysander.

Pouting. Sulking. Slumped in his chair like a deflated croissant.Honestly, he looked like someone had taken away his dessert privileges for a month.

Should I give him one of these grapes?

. . .

. . .

Nope.

He snuck into my room at midnight wearing a dramatic hooded cloak like he was auditioning for Elves & Intruders: Season Two. He deserved every thwack he got.

"This is abuse, Uncle. Abuuuuuse," Lysander groaned dramatically, dragging out the word like he was on stage.

Grandpa puffed up his chest, cane resting across his lap like a badge of honor. "You shouldn’t have sneaked into her room."

"I JUST WANTED TO SEE HER! DID I COMMIT A CRIME?!"

Grandpa didn’t even blink. "YES."

Lysander slumped further down in his chair like a soggy biscuit.

Then... our eyes met.

Oh no.

I quickly looked away and shoved another grape in my mouth.

The universal language of "Please don’t drag me into this awkwardness."

Too late.

Grandpa suddenly clapped his hands and barked, "Why are you pouting like a lovesick tomato? Introduce yourself properly to your sister!"

Lysander blinked. Then straightened. Then blinked again.He stood up, took a deep breath, and walked toward me like he was approaching a royal throne. His expression was serious. Like, "I’m about to confess my crimes to the council" serious.

Then—he knelt in front of me with a charming smile that I had to admit was at least 70% genuine.

"Greetings, Princess," he said in the most elegant, flowery, overly-elven voice I’d ever heard. "I am your second cousin, Lysander Elariondil. It’s an honor to finally meet you."

I blinked.

He looked like a fancy peacock who just remembered he was supposed to be humble.

I tilted my head, giving him a tiny smile. "Hi, Brother. I’m Lavinia Deveriux."

And then—poof—his ears turned pink.He covered his face and mumbled like he was melting from the inside.

"She... she called me brother. Brother... she called me... brother."

And that’s how I met my first elf cousin. My first-ever brother in this life.Slightly dramatic. Possibly unhinged. But... kind of cute in a weird, sparkly elven way.

Still not giving him my grapes, though.