Transmigrated Into A Tragic Romance Fantasy-Chapter 86: A Healing Evening (2)

The words written on the paper, the words she wished to convey.

They were...Difficult to accept.

Still, he didn’t reject her sincerity and effort put into filling this single page.

There was no longer a Grand Ducal Betrothal or noble etiquette to bind them.

So, unlike before, Elden read what was written with respect and care he didn’t show back then.

He had intended to tell her there was nothing to apologize for, nothing to feel sorry about.

As he had always resolved to do.

He wanted to relieve her of her burden by telling her he had no reason or right to accept her apology.

It was all in the past now, after all.

That had been his intention,

...Until now.

If his vision hadn’t blurred and his nose hadn’t stung, he would have smiled gently and told her she no longer needed to be bound by those days.

《That day, when you declared your withdrawal, honestly, I didn’t believe you. I thought you were running away because you knew who I was... I’m sorry.》

The more he read, the more he realized he had no right to offer his comfort.

He belatedly understood that it was natural, inevitable even, for the female protagonist - known in the original setting for her cool judgment and high insight - to lose her reason and break down at a runaway character’s declaration of withdrawal.

《Even when I heard from the spies attached to you, that your changed behavior was consistent, I denied it. Then I did terrible things to you......I can still feel my nails clawing your face...But thanks to that lingering sensation, I haven’t forgotten my sins. If I wish to apologize to you, then I believe I must never forget my wrongdoings...》

Thinking about it, he had done awful things to her as well.

Using the convenient excuse of an ‘unfair transmigration’ as the villain, Elden disregarded the humiliation and injustice suffered by Lumia.

Just because he wished to avoid suffering the injustices of his past life once more, he never thought about the injustice others might suffer as a result of his actions.

As if that wasn’t enough, he even enjoyed and mocked the ‘revenge’ she tried to enact.

Turning the the grotesque food she meant to be torturous into a gourmet experience, and the hunting competition meant to be terrifying into a delightful pastime.

I’m not sure why I’m only now realizing these thoughtless actions I couldn’t perceive then, but one thing is clear.

The letters engraved on this thin sheet of paper took him back to those days...Making him realize that it wasn’t Lumia who needed to apologize.

But him.

All this time, the Heroine had been shackled to a past he carelessly dismissed.

《Because I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t listen to what I heard, I closed my eyes to the truth before me. All because I couldn’t believe someone’s nature could change...》

A person’s nature...

He too, thought this way.

Elden believed that a person’s nature was not something to be ‘changed’ but something that must be ‘endured’.

Despite all of his efforts to change, in the end, nothing had been altered in his past life.

Elden Raphelion.

Whether this had been a prank made by a bored entity, or some sort of dimensional accident, the man who became ‘Elden’ now realized that even if another personality possessed that vicious character, in Lumia’s eyes, he would only appear as a villain pretending to have changed.

No matter what he did, no matter what he said.

Unaware of this fact, he had acted all high and mighty, expecting Lumia’s ‘understanding’.

This paper, filled with sincerity and earnestness, seemed to expose all of that.

In truth...Elden Raphelion...

Was ashamed of himself.

Just because he wished to avoid any sort of suffering in this ‘new life’, he ignored Lumia’s own plight.

With such belief, he left the Grand Ducal Bethothal behind with only a paltry ‘prayer’ for Lumia’s ‘Happiness’.

And then,

Because of what Deron did, Lumia faced an even harsher fate, becoming so devastated and broken that she nearly lost her life.

Despite being aware of the dangers someone like Deron posed, he had fled without looking back.

Just like the Original Elden had done after he graduated from the Academy.

《I denied it until the end. That you couldn’t change. That you shouldn’t change... Because if you changed, it felt like all the violence and pain I suffered would disappear. That’s why I denied it so desperately...I guess I didn’t want you to change...Just so I could make you suffer while still being ‘the victim’. But then, after Gelwood slapped me...I came to my senses...》

On a particular night, Elden found Lumia standing alone on the street, reaching towards the sky with a swollen cheek and unfocused eyes.

A red swollen cheek, and clouded eyes...

That night, all he did for her was offer some ointment.

《Even after that day, I heard you saved a mother and child on the day of the Grand Ducal Betrothal but honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I was such a fool. Looking at you today, I realized... you’ve been steadily changing since you declared your withdrawal...》

Suddenly, a thought came to his mind.

This content is taken from freeweɓnovel.cѳm.

If the Grand Ducal Betrothal hadn’t been like a noose tightening around his neck, would giving her ointment have been all he could do that night?

Did he simply hand her the ointment because he wished to cleanse his conciseness and guilt or because he truly wanted to help her?

And then,

《You were really amazing today. That’s why I’m even more sorry...I’m sorry for slapping you. Please...If it’s not too late...Could you find in yourself the resolve to forgive a sinner like me?》

How could someone who endured three years of brutal torture and abuse, even being mocked by those who stood by, ask for forgiveness from the one who tormented her?

Wasn’t this all backward?

Wasn’t this situation terribly twisted?

Lumia had done nothing wrong.

At least not to him.

While it could be argued that using the Grand Ducal Betrothal for her personal revenge might have been wrong, at least Elden himself hadn’t been wronged by her.

While the slap might have been wrong when someone considered what the Original Elden had done to her, that had been far too mild of a reaction...

Yet, Lumia was the one asking for forgiveness.

What was merely a fading memory to him, was something unforgettable for her.

She was sorry for not believing his words.

She was sorry for striking him.

Even though she suffered far worse in the hands of the Original.

Was it because her sincerity almost burned him from how bright it was?

Was it because her eagerness was something beautiful to witness?

Drip-.

Something containing his indescribable feelings fell onto the paper.

Come to think of it, I never sincerely apologized to her...

The only thing he had offered to her was a stiff and unsincere apology, filled with his resentment from being Transmigrated into a villainous character.

If only.

If, instead of blaming the ‘transmigration’, he had humbly accepted the karma of his new self, if only he had conveyed his heartfelt repentance she longed to hear...Perhaps then, the Heroine wouldn’t have suffered such a Tragic end.

Perhaps she would have shined brightly, as this world’s protagonist.

If that had happened,

If only that had happened,

Perhaps she would still have her voice.

Perhaps she wouldn’t have lost something precious to her.

Or perhaps she wouldn’t have been left to die in that abandoned mansion.

A wave of regret cursed through Elden, wondering if Lumia might have chosen tolerance instead of suspicion had I shown these tears even once.

Although it wasn’t the real ‘Elden’ who changed, but rather Lee Junwoo in his place who acted as he pleased, the existence of Lumia’s sincere apology showed him a better future.

A better choice for both of them.

“E-El...den...W-wh... wh-y...?”

He had been selfish.

A hypocrite.

Despite knowing the pain the female protagonist endured for three years due to the original Elden’s memories, he ignored that, being too busy seeking his own safety and dreams.

Whether he possessed or replaced the current body, he now realized that both Elden Raphelion and Lee Junwoo were the same now, and it was truly arrogant of him to consider both Lumia and himself as ‘fellow victims’.

However, they weren’t equal.

For she endured three years of brutal abuse and even lost the chance to erase the lifelong stain caused by those three years.

Indeed, he should be the one apologizing.

Thud-.

Unable to read the last line on the paper, Elden fell to his knees.

‘If these were knees to be bent for this single sheet of paper, I should have knelt long ago; if these were tears to be shed for this paper, I should have cried them long ago.’

“E-Elden...?!”

《Please...If it’s not too late...Could you find in yourself the resolve to forgive a sinner like me?》

That’s what Lumia wrote.

Now I understood that those words should have come from me, not her.

Not whining like a child about the injustice of being possessed by a vile character, but accepting that responsibility and apologizing on his behalf was the right thing to do.

Therefore,

On behalf of the Wastrel, Elden Raphelion.

And on behalf of the ignorant bystander, Elden Raphelion.

I realized that the ‘change’ I promised her wasn’t simply a resolve to live as Lee Junwoo, but also that it involved accepting Elden Raphelion.

Denying one’s self is no different than a child throwing a fit.

So I decided to accept my shell now.

“I...I’m sorry for cruelly tormenting and abusing you, My Duchess. Whatever punishment you deem fit...I’ll gladly accept it.”

Unlike before, there were no excuses, no ignorance, and no foolishness.

I won’t turn a blind eye to Lumia’s pain again.

Though it’s a belated apology, a faded apology.

I bowed my head deeply, offering an apology worthy of the sincerity and earnestness she showed me.

“Please...If it’s not too late, I wish to ask for your forgiveness, My Duchess.”

The wrongdoing wasn’t important.

What mattered was giving an apology to the one who should receive it.

It would be nice if she accepted it, but if I didn’t offer it because she might not accept, I would be betraying the promised change once again.

So, with my head bowed, I waited for Lumia’s response.

Resolving to accept whatever it might be.

But,

My firm resolve melted like snow in the warmth that gently enveloped me.

“......”

“......”

Lumia embraced me, her hands comforted me, and her tears dampened me.

Her faintly trembling breath,

Her silent touch.

It pained my heart more than anything she could have said to me.

While my heart aches at the thought that this moment might have come six months earlier if I had acknowledged my true nature sooner, I couldn’t deny that Lumia’s warm embrace was healing my pain.

Even now.

I’m grateful that I can apologize to her on behalf of the bygone villain.

Pat.

Pat.

The hand that once struck my cheek now gently comforted my back for a long while.