Undead Beast Master: Living Solely for My Desires-Chapter 197: The Hollow Victory

Wasn't it weird? Hilarious even?

Zaroth didn't have a problem killing so many people, but now he was devastated just from killing one man.

One second passed, then two, then three.

The emperor stood up as he announced that Zaroth had won.

Zaroth heard the man, yet he didn't feel the joy he usually did. He didn't feel proud of himself.

Was it because he was devastated about what he had done, or was it because the grand arena was silent as nobody dared make a sound?

A second later, Zaroth felt his wounds beginning to heal.

He didn't look away from the corpse with the blown-out head.

He was the cause. He was the reason.

Zaroth was thinking, he wasn't sure about what. He just knew that he was thinking.

For a brief moment, he considered asking Luna for her opinion.

Then he shook the idea away.

He was sure that she was going to support him, saying that this was the only way.

That he shouldn't feel bad.

She always knew the right words to calm his mind. She always found a way to support him.

But it felt wrong to ask her for support. He felt like he didn't deserve it.

As such, he just stood there, cold on his knees as he was slowly getting healed.

He felt tens of thousands of eyes on him. Silently judging him.

There had been other instances where there had been fatal fights in the tournament before, but that was before the rounds began to be held in the grand arena.

As such, most of the audience hadn't expected that something like that was possible.

And even if they did, the sheer brutality of the sight was too much to bear.

One had been pretty much burned to a crisp and then had his head blown out.

The other lost his arm and was pierced by a metal pillar through his mouth, making a hole behind his head.

And this fight wasn't in the middle of a war—it wasn't even because the two men had a grudge against one another.

It was because both of them wanted to win and advance forward.

This was what two students were capable of if given a strong enough reason to care.

Zaroth didn't dare to look at the crowd.

Their opinions weren't something that bothered him at the moment, as they were irrelevant.

He wanted to pass out.

He wanted to rest.

He was tired.

Alas, it seemed that it wasn't meant to be.

He had exerted himself too much to pass out.

So he just waited in silence as his body was slowly restoring itself from the healer's skills.

As the headless corpse lay on the ground, its owner's blood spread around, forming a growing puddle.

Eventually, it got large enough that Zaroth was able to see his reflection in it.

Noting that he had something on the side of his cheek, he moved his left hand.

Scooping it off, he glanced at the thing.

A strand of white hair, with part of its owner's brain, had been stuck on his cheek.

After that, everything went black.

*****

Zaroth wasn't sure what happened after that, but he found himself sitting on his expensive bed at his assigned apartment.

The lights were off, and yet he was able to see perfectly fine, thanks to his skill Darkgaze.

He wanted to rest. He wanted to sleep. But he couldn't.

The image of the exploded head kept appearing in his mind constantly.

It was like he was still there, looking at the corpse.

"I did the right thing," he muttered, trying to convince himself.

Usually, when he was in his apartment, he would summon his beasts, allowing him to train his mana core.

He would be having a pleasant conversation with Luna about this and that.

But he was alone.

He wanted to be alone.

It gave him time to think—or more accurately, as nothing around him stimulated his brain, he was able to just sit without having to think.

Thankfully, Luna sensed his desire and didn't speak a word.

A few minutes passed. Or was it hours? Days?

Zaroth wasn't sure. He didn't move from the spot. If he did, he would have to think, and the image of the corpse would appear again.

But he couldn't sit too long pitying himself.

He didn't have any right to. He was the one that had survived the fight, not his opponent.

But he also didn't want to deal with anyone's inquiries.

As such, he got up and exited his room.

By the lack of people around, he guessed that it was probably in the middle of the night.

He took a deep breath of the clean air.

It felt nice.

Until he remembered the unpleasant scene of the burned body of his opponent.

"Pathetic." Zaroth couldn't help but curse.

Why was he acting like this?

He was supposed to be cold. Emotionless.

What was the reason that he felt guilt after all—

"No," he shook off the thought, forcing his brain to stop thinking.

Thinking was too much work. And he wanted to relax.

As such, he began to walk forward.

Zaroth wasn't sure to where, but the destination didn't really matter.

*****

"What am I doing here?" he muttered as he gazed at the building in front of him.

The source of this c𝓸ntent is freewebnøvel.coɱ.

It was one of the numerous churches that he and Midnight had cleared out.

Zaroth remembered that he had killed a lot of Purifiers just in this church, and considering that he and she had been in dozens of churches, he could have killed hundreds.

Hell, he wouldn't be surprised to learn that the reason the Purifiers weren't in the empire anymore was because of his actions.

This just showed how brutal he was, how much he was willing to kill, for his own gain.

And this was what frustrated him.

He had killed numerous people.

And yet he was feeling guilty over killing one more?

It wasn't like he was some kind of stupid hero from a fairy tale that could do no wrong.

He had indeed done wrong.

He thought that he had gotten accustomed to it.

"Then why am I feeling so bad?!" he cursed as he put both hands on his forehead.

Was this what they called being a teenager and a young adult?

Being unable to understand your emotions?

Zaroth thought that he was above those things!

He thought that he wouldn't feel any kind of guilt—ever!

"Fuck!" he cursed once more as he got up from the bench he was sitting on.

He wasn't sure why he had gotten here, but it felt sufficient to think, so he was going to distract himself some way.

*****

A day or two had passed since the 13th round, and Zaroth found himself sitting in one familiar spot.

It was the spot where he had gone with Elysia after their date and where he had kissed her.

The scenery was nice. As such, the sight helped keep his mind occupied, not giving him time to think.

His bracelet was shining left and right.

There was no doubt in his mind that he was receiving one message after another.

From his friends, for sure.

How would they react to him killing a human?

Despite being friends with them, he didn't know a lot about their past, just as they didn't know his as well.

But if he had to guess, after a day or two, they would accept him and forget that he had killed a human.

Who knew—maybe they had killed as well?

Zaroth didn't even need to waste time thinking about what Midnight was going to say.

She knew that they had killed hundreds of Purifiers. As such, she would be surprised to see that he felt any kind of guilt.

"What? It's just one more," he spoke what she would have told him most likely as well.

But they wouldn't understand. No one could. How could they, when he didn't understand the reason himself?

Zaroth felt like he was alone. Like no one would truly understand how he felt.

Did he even have anyone that he could talk to about this issue? Someone that would actually give him some sort of advice?

Sadly, no one came to mind.

He leaned back on the bench as he gazed at the sky. It was night again.

"Done feeling self-pity?"

Hearing the familiar voice next to him, he shifted his gaze.

And his eyes widened as he saw Elysia sitting next to him.