When the Wild Beast is Trapped in the Nightmare Cycle (BL)-Chapter 708: The Only Way

With nary an expression on his face, he turned to face Jin Jiuchi, a furrow forming between his delicate brows. "That doesn’t count," he said with a tone full of disapproval. "Make another wish."

But Jin Jiuchi, as infuriating as ever, simply tilted his head and asked, "Why?"

Why, he asked...?

Shen Nianzu’s lips pursed with a faint hint of displeasure. He could not understand why Jin Jiuchi was doing this right now. Why ruin the perfect mood between them? This was a dream—an ethereal, beautiful dream that existed only for the two of them, so why must he—

"Nian’er," Jin Jiuchi gently took his hand, interrupting his spiraling thoughts. "You never asked me. You knew I could move between worlds, but you never asked me to send you back to your world. Why?"

Shen Nianzu gazed down at their intertwined hands, at the way Jin Jiuchi gently stroked his knuckles in a comforting gesture. Yes, that’s right. He had noticed it since Jin Jiuchi told him they had been on the run all this time. The man had traversed worlds—abandoned worlds—just to hide from the Nightmare, so it was natural they could also go back without having to bother with the return tickets.

But he chose to keep mum and acted ignorant.

Why? The question Jin Jiuchi asked flashed through his mind.

A mirthless smile tugged across his lips.

Why else? Of course, it was because he was a coward. He dared not ask to go back, fearing that he would return to find a world beyond salvation, that he would see the corpses of the people he loved.

And so he chose to play the fool and indulged himself in this beautiful dream. All because he was a fucking coward who could only hide when fear overwhelmed him.

Yet Jin Jiuchi told him, his tone as gentle as it was soothing: "Nian’er, it’s time to go back."

No, stop... don’t say that...

Shen Nianzu shook his head, wishing he could shrink into himself and cover his ears so he could pretend he had heard nothing. He refused. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to! What use was there to return? The battle was already lost, and they would only be walking straight into the Nightmare’s waiting maw. If they would perish either way... if the world was truly ending, wasn’t it good to spend the rest of their remaining time here, lost in a world of intimacy and happiness?

A helpless sigh echoed above him.

"Actually, there’s something I haven’t told you. Back then when I said that the Nightmare had no effect on me... I lied. It appeared in my dreams when I was sleeping in that pod."

...What?

Shen Nianzu abruptly raised his head, his pupils trembling. W-What did he just say...?

Every single word Jin Jiuchi said entered his ears with vivid clarity, but he found that he could not for the life of him comprehend a single word. It was as if his basic cognitive ability had malfunctioned, turning him into a dazed fool.

And yet Jin Jiuchi continued to speak as if unaware of the reaction of the person before him:

"The Nightmare’s goal has been me all along. It needs me, its vessel and heir. Everything else aside is just collateral damage. So if I agree to give it my body, then—"

"No," Shen Nianzu interrupted, unable to listen to it any longer. His words came out in a frantic rush as he grabbed hold of Jin Jiuchi’s arm, fearing the man would suddenly turn into bubbles and disappear right in front of him. "Are you crazy?! How could you trust its words? It’s clearly playing a trick on you! Even if you go—"

"But it’s impossible for us to defeat it. You know it too, don’t you, Nian’er?" Jin Jiuchi gazed deeply into his eyes, trying to reason with him. "Because it doesn’t have a tangible form, even if we attack it a hundred times, it can still assemble itself again and again. But once it enters my body—"

Shen Nianzu recoiled as if the words had physically scalded him. He kept shaking his head, wanting to cover his ears, but this time it was Jin Jiuchi who caught him and held onto him tightly. It was so ironic how their roles had reversed; under normal circumstances, it was always Shen Nianzu who presented the logical solution, while Jin Jiuchi would either be distracted or snoring away. Many, many times Shen Nianzu had cursed him for never taking things seriously. But now that he finally did—

Now that he finally did, Shen Nianzu was the one who couldn’t bear it.

And yet the man’s words still poured into his ears, almost cruel in its gentleness, like countless blades sinking softly into the most vulnerable part of his heart:

"—once the Nightmare enters my body, I can act. I won’t necessarily lose, Nian’er. I have two halves of a soul inside my body and the Nightmares is only one! Besides, it’s dying!" He spoke with great enthusiasm. "And then I can take control of its action and pull away from your world. It’s not too late yet, Nian’er. I can still—"

"YOU CAN’T!" Shen Nianzu burst out. His chest heaved violently, eyes rimmed red with fury. "You can’t do it! Absolutely not!"

"This is the only way." Jin Jiuchi’s tone was firm.

"But what if you lose, huh?! What if you lose!!"

"But Nian’er, aren’t we already losing right now?" Jin Jiuchi smiled, as carefree as always.

Shen Nianzu felt like going insane. How could Jin Jiuchi still be smiling at a time like this? How... how could he even propose something so inconceivable with such a light-hearted tone?!

Shen Nianzu wanted to wipe that smile off his face. Oh how badly he wanted it. He wanted to whack Jin Jiuchi on the head, to make him come back to his senses. He almost could not believe what was happening right now. It was like his worst nightmare, one that was buried so deeply he wasn’t even aware of it, was turning into reality right in front of him. How could Jin Jiuchi even think of taking on the Nightmare all by himself? He was just... Jin Jiuchi! He and the Nightmare were not even on the same level! It was literally a suicidal gamble!

"Fuck—I never peg you for such a self-sacrificing fool!" he screamed so loud that he almost scraped his throat raw and bloody. "Do you think you’re a fucking hero? Since when do you have the great ambition to save the world?!"

"It’s your world," Jin Jiuchi corrected with all seriousness, leaving him frozen on the spot. "It’s the world that has given birth to you, Nian’er. That alone makes it worth saving."

"My Nian’er..." he sighed, reaching out to touch Shen Nianzu’s cheek.

Only then did Shen Nianzu realize his face was wet.

Rivulets of tears cascaded down his face, turning his vision blurred, but he didn’t even bother to wipe it away in lieu of grabbing onto Jin Jiuchi’s hand, then his arms and clothes. He clawed at them, as if he wanted to push himself further into the man’s arms, until they were melded into one, until no one could distinguish where one ended and the other began, until nothing could separate them anymore. Not even the Nightmare.

"Then take me with you...!" he rasped in a choked, broken voice. "Please... don’t let me leave you behind. En? I–I can’t live on. I really can’t live on without you..."

Once, Jin Jiuchi had used all kinds of methods—from coaxing, teasing, begging, to throwing tantrums—just to hear a single declaration of love coming out of Shen Nianzu’s mouth. And yet Shen Nianzu had never relented. Not even once. Even in their most passionate moments when their bodies intimately entwined, he was still shy and reserved, preferring to use action to prove his feelings instead.

But now, all those words poured out of his mouth as freely as air, unrestrained.

"I love you... I really— fuck, don’t do this to me... please..." 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝘦𝓌𝑒𝑏𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝘭.𝒸𝘰𝑚

Hearing that now, however, Jin Jiuchi’s eyes only reddened.

His hands trembled behind Shen Nianzu’s back, aching to pull him into a tight embrace, to soothe him and stop his tears. The urge tore at him so strongly it nearly ripped him apart from the inside. But in the end... he simply cupped Shen Nianzu’s face with a tender gesture, thumbs brushing away the tears that refused to stop falling. Then he leaned down and pressed a trembling kiss to his forehead, as gentle and light as dragonfly’s wings skimming across water, as chaste and solemn as if it was their first kiss all over again.

"Sssh, Nian’er, listen to me. Everything will be fine. You are pretty. You are smart, rich and brilliant. You have parents who love you. You have everything you want there—"

"But there’s no you!" Shen Nianzu cut him off with a broken sob, crying so hard that he could barely breathe. He grasped onto Jin Jiuchi so tightly that his knuckles turned numb. "You’re not there... you’re not there with me!"

Why? Shen Nianzu asked himself. Why must things turn out like this? On one side was the man he loved, while on the other side was his parents and the world he lived in; was it too selfish of him to want both? Was it too greedy? Must he really choose one and sacrifice the other?

In response to his outbursts, however, Jin Jiuchi leaned in and pressed a searing kiss to his lips.

It was fierce, hard and all-consuming, almost like they were intent on devouring each other. Tears flowed down into their mouths, mingling with the breath and heat.

This was the first time Shen Nianzu realized that a kiss could taste so bitter, so painful and heartbreaking.

How could he not guess Jin Jiuchi’s answer by that silence?

The man had made up his mind, and nothing Shen Nianzu said could persuade him otherwise. He had made up his mind to take on the Nightmare alone, to use his own body as a bait, to stake everything on this gamble, even if it meant perishing together with it. The way Jin Jiuchi touched him now, the way his fingers traced his jaw and lingered, the way his gaze memorized every contour of Shen Nianzu’s face, it was like he was saying goodbye.

Once Shen Nianzu understood everything, he could no longer hold back his cries, feeling his heart aching and breaking all over again. This was all so cruel, far too cruel for them.

"Promise me... promise me you will come back. En?" Shen Nianzu pleaded, tears streaming down as he searched Jin Jiuchi’s eyes with agonizing desperation. "Promise me you will win and come back to me."

But Jin Jiuchi only smiled— like he always did, without any hint of falsity or impurity. Bright and dazzling as always.

"Nian’er..." his gaze softened, so was his voice. "I love you. More than anything under this universe."

"So go back."

"Go back to the world where you belong."

Shen Nianzu’s pupils constricted sharply.

Before he could react, Jin Jiuchi gave him a gentle push, and at the same time, a powerful suction force came from behind, dragging him backward. Light engulfed his vision bit by bit, but he still desperately stretched out his hand and opened his eyes wide, trying to hold onto the man he loved...

"JIN JIUCHI—!!!"

The last thing he saw was the sky shattering right above where the smiling Jin Jiuchi was, and an indescribable darkness descended toward him.

And then everything went dark.