Who would study psychology unless they had some issues?!-Chapter 143 - 141 Three Choices

If we want to see an improvement in Li Minglu’s situation, any intervention related to his "cognition of life" is not a direction that can yield results in a short time.

Of course, this is an issue that has to be resolved. But things have priorities, and Nan Zhubin intends to put this issue on hold for a while.

He needs to switch the intervention strategy to one that can improve Li Minglu’s condition as quickly as possible.

Fortunately, the information just explored is not completely useless, and Nan Zhubin even thinks he already knows the answer to the next question.

But out of caution, Nan Zhubin still cannot make any rash assumptions.

More digging is needed.

...

Nan Zhubin handed a tissue to Li Minglu: "I now understand why you are so firm in your expectations for an ’ideal life.’ If I went through what you did, my thoughts wouldn’t be any different from yours."

First, use empathy as a basis to provide support to the client who is at an emotional low point.

This can pull the other person out from their current emotions, giving them the strength for the next conversation.

Li Minglu took a deep breath twice, took the tissue, and said, "Thank you."

Nan Zhubin forcibly lifted the corners of his mouth and cheeks, then quickly lowered them, revealing a comforting smile.

"I understand the reason for the stability of your cognition."

After Li Minglu’s emotions warmed up, Nan Zhubin ended the empathy and brought the topic back to counseling.

"But you have an unusually strong resistance to your own reality factors. This leaves me a bit puzzled."

Nan Zhubin expressed his question bluntly.

"When you were telling me about your week, you expressed a strong sense of rejection towards ’your wife taking you to see friends,’ yet you eventually suppressed this dissatisfaction and chose to endure it."

Nan Zhubin pointed out: "Besides here, you have also shown dissatisfaction when describing ’current life’ and ’past life,’ and the negative emotions are mainly focused on the word ’wife’ when you mention it."

"Your words indeed didn’t reveal any negative adjectives, you dressed up your expressions. But emotions—emotions cannot be concealed."

Nan Zhubin looked at Li Minglu and said, "You are dissatisfied with your wife."

Li Minglu opened his mouth as if to say something, but after taking a deep breath, he held back.

Rebuttal, and a subconscious one, has almost become a "conditioned reflex."

But because the counseling relationship has been built quite stably, Nan Zhubin can now explore those areas of Li Minglu that he has protected and hidden.

Therefore.

"Am I... dissatisfied with Suisui?" Li Minglu didn’t immediately refute Nan Zhubin but instead asked himself.

At this moment, the term he used for his wife shifted to a nickname.

This is a type of alternative defense, but the defense is not directed at Nan Zhubin.

"You are dissatisfied with her." Nan Zhubin chose to directly break this layer of defense.

Li Minglu let out a long sigh, then sank into the sofa as if he had lost most of the strength in his body.

"I shouldn’t be dissatisfied with her."

Guilt.

Nan Zhubin understood.

Then continued to read facial expressions.

This kind of guilt is... very similar to the "guilt" you felt when recalling your parents just now?

No, it’s not similar, but connected.

Nan Zhubin was puzzled for a moment, then quickly understood.

Nan Zhubin said, "When there was trouble at your home, your wife—at the time just your girlfriend, or not even your girlfriend—was always by your side, right?"

Li Minglu’s tightly gripped hands suddenly clenched more fiercely.

"Mr. Nan... is it that obvious?"

Nan Zhubin didn’t respond, just smiled.

Li Minglu didn’t seek an answer; his gaze merely turned sorrowful: "Yes, I’m very grateful to her. She was always there for me at that time, without her... I probably wouldn’t have made it through."

Nan Zhubin was silent for a moment.

"Besides gratitude, do you feel guilty about this?"

Li Minglu didn’t think: "Yes. Because I believe in a relationship, both sides should support each other. But during that time, I barely did anything; it was only her who gave..."

Good, gratitude plus guilt.

Adding to it the current depression she’s helping him with, there is another layer of gratitude plus guilt.

Your wife’s favors towards you can’t ever fully be repaid?

...

When faced with sudden big changes, being comforted, thereby generating gratitude and even guilt, is a manifestation of Inadequacy.

Besides Inadequacy, Li Minglu also demonstrated a layer of Overblaming.

This is also a major manifestation of depression. In this state, patients self-blame when they are blamed, self-blame when they are cared for, and self-blame even when nothing is done to them or by them.

It’s hard to say whether Overblaming is the cause or symptom of depression, but once it appears, its interference with cognition is extremely frightening.

Coupled with previous cognitive dissonance, regression, etc., the knowledge points for this counseling session are getting too abundant.

But this is normal; a psychological disorder developed over many years has various causes, symptoms, and manifestations.

That’s also why intervention becomes challenging.

Nan Zhubin was silent for a moment, deciding to interrupt Li Minglu’s memory.

If Li Minglu continued to immerse in memories, his current thoughts could interfere with the ongoing counseling.

All the information has been obtained, and Li Minglu has been adjusted to the most suitable state by Nan Zhubin.

Nan Zhubin prepared to move this counseling session towards the conclusion stage.

He directly went into Summary, decisively changing the direction of the counseling.

"When we talked about the main causes of your current ’condition,’ we mentioned cognitive dissonance."

"To solve this issue, either adjust your cognition or change your reality."

Nan Zhubin’s tone and stance changed, prompting Li Minglu to focus involuntarily.

"In my judgment, given the current situation, the best change for you is in the reality."

"This approach mainly has three options."

Nan Zhubin looked into Li Minglu’s eyes, explaining point by point.

He can provide a general direction for Li Minglu but cannot directly make the decision for the client.

Therefore, he needed to explain each detail; meanwhile, observing Li Minglu’s expressions during the process.

"First, the most straightforward method—leave your current life, ending the family that creates dissonance stress."

"Second, you put in the effort—change your family to align with your ideal."

"Third, your wife puts in the effort—to make your family life align with your ideal."

Nan Zhubin observed Li Minglu’s reaction to these three choices.

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