’You can do this, Ezra. Just say it.’

Ezra takes a deep breath.

He knew he could do it.

There wasn’t anything hard about it.

He could do it.

Just do it.

"Ezra...you look like you’re about to–" Kaelis spoke at the same time that Ezra finally looked at him again and spoke to him.

"I’m sorry," Ezra says, making Kaelis’ eyes widen in confusion and genuine surprise.

"Sorry? Ezra, you–"

"Please, just...let me speak. I need to say this." Ezra says quickly. Though he wanted to look away from Kaelis’s eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to do it this time.

Because if he looked away now, he was afraid he’d lose his courage completely.

Kaelis immediately keeps his mouth closed, which was surprisingly considerate to Ezra. Kaelis even nods his head slightly, making a small gesture for Ezra to continue.

That somehow made Ezra even more nervous.

Ezra takes another deep breath before continuing.

"First of all, I am sorry for–cough–pushing you to the point of falling to the ground." He said awkwardly, keeping his hands behind his back because, for some reason, they were shaking slightly now.

It was embarrassing.

He fought monsters without fear.

He stood in battlefields drenched in blood.

He has experienced CHILD BIRTH.

But apologizing properly somehow felt harder.

"I’m sorry for yelling at you...I knew you were only trying to help, Your Highness, and I am grateful for your massive amount of concern for Lior." Ezra says honestly now. "I’m just not used to anyone knowing about him...and me...or trying to help. It overwhelmed me."

And it really did.

For years, it had only been the two of them.

Ezra handled everything alone because he thought he had to.

So having someone suddenly step in, someone who genuinely cared whether Lior was okay, had shaken him more than he wanted to admit.

Everything he was saying now was true.

Well, except for the next part.

"Lior has this eye condition he got, his eyes would hurt a lot, but it’s not too serious...we have medicine that he needs to put on his eyes to ease the pain, and I was stupid enough to forget to apply his medicine."

Ezra explains it smoothly enough, though guilt still twists slightly in his stomach.

It was a lie, of course.

But it was a believable lie.

So believable that he sees the immediate look of sympathy soften Kaelis’ expression.

And strangely enough, that almost makes Ezra feel worse.

Now, for more of the truth.

"I am sorry if I have treated you unfairly. I’m not sure if I’ve apologized already, but I want to apologize with more depth." Ezra says quieter now.

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure anymore what conversations had already happened recently.

He was prone to forgetting now, even with things that happened within the day.

With so much information overloading his brain?

It wasn’t surprising.

"I saw you and even Prince Aurien as different from Prince Helios, and because of that, I had unknowingly..."

Ezra pauses awkwardly before correcting himself with a weak breath of amusement. "...well...knowingly treated you with disdain, and coldness, and maybe even insulted you here and there–"

Kaelis chuckles at that, low and amused, though he doesn’t interrupt him.

The sound oddly eases some of the tension in Ezra’s chest.

"–I was biased, and instead of believing your words, despite all the proof you’ve given me, I continued to doubt you, fight you, and not until I found out he lied about the bread was the only time I realized everything."

Ezra looks down now, unable to hold Kaelis’ gaze anymore.

The shame sat heavier than he expected.

Because once the truth came out, he realized just how unfair he had been all these years.

"And even worse, Lior had to gently scold me for me to realize I have much to apologize for," Ezra says with a bitter laugh under his breath.

Fifteen years of hating the wrong person.

Fifteen years of looking at Kaelis through Helios’ version of him instead of who Kaelis actually was.

And it took their child for him to finally realize how wrong he had been.

’If anything, I’m more envious of Kaelis now...’

With Lior being so oddly caring toward him.

So considerate.

Sometimes Ezra looked at Lior and saw traces of Kaelis in ways that had nothing to do with appearance.

The softness.

The sincerity.

The way both of them somehow cared too much despite pretending otherwise.

And realizing that made something in Ezra ache quietly.

’Okay, it’s done...I’ve apologized.’ Ezra thought with a relieved sigh, feeling some of the tension slowly leave his body now that the words were finally out.

He did feel lighter about everything.

Well, not everything, but still—his chest felt lighter.

Like he had been carrying something heavy for years without realizing just how exhausted it made him.

And strangely enough, he felt...comfortable.

He honestly didn’t think he would.

Not while standing here with Kaelis of all people.

But now that he thought about it properly, Ezra realized something else, too.

He never realized how uncomfortable he was with Helios all these years.

The realization came slowly, almost painfully.

How much he held his breath around him.

How careful he always was with his words.

How every conversation somehow felt like Ezra was trying not to disappoint him.

Despite the fact that he had feelings for Helios.

Or at least... what he thought were feelings.

Ezra always felt like...something was wrong, but he ignored it for so long that eventually it became normal.

Because Helios was kind.

Gentle.

Patient.

That’s what he thought.

Even then, Ezra could never fully relax around him.

He couldn’t read Helios’ mind, and somehow that always terrified him more than it should have.

Ezra was always afraid of disappointing him.

Afraid of saying no to him.

Even if Ezra was exhausted from missions, even if he was injured, even if all he wanted was to rest quietly with the other knights, he would still throw it all away for Helios without hesitation.

And Helios accepted it every single time.

’...That wasn’t normal, was it?’ Ezra thought quietly.

The realization leaves a bitter feeling in his mouth.

It was unhealthy.

And it took Kaelis, it took Lior having to get kidnapped, for him to finally realize that.

Because for the first time in years, Ezra felt like he could breathe around someone without constantly thinking about what they wanted from him.

Even now, after admitting all of that, Kaelis wasn’t looking at him with disappointment.

If anything, Kaelis looked...patient.

"Are you finished speaking?" Kaelis asks gently, leaning down slightly to look at Ezra, whose head was still lowered.