A Rogue For The Quadruplet Alpha's.
Chapter 54: What was I thinking?
Maria.
I gathered my thoughts slowly, forcing my racing mind to settle as I pushed myself off his bed. My legs felt slightly weak beneath me, but I steadied myself and walked out of the room, heading straight back to mine. Each step felt heavier than the last, as though I was carrying more than just my body, my thoughts, my emotions, my confusion all weighed me down.
As soon as the door closed behind me, I bit down on my lower lip, a habit I’d picked up whenever my mind refused to stay quiet. Noah’s face crept back into my thoughts uninvited. The way he had looked at me. The way his voice had softened when he apologized. Had I been too harsh on him? The question echoed in my head, refusing to leave.
He had apologized for kissing me without my consent. That alone set him apart. He hadn’t dismissed my feelings or acted entitled to me. He had stopped. He had pulled away. He had cared. And when I thought about it more, I realized something that unsettled me deeply, he had been gentle with me. Truly gentle.
Unlike the Quadruplets.
Noah treated me differently. Better. There was no cruelty in his touch, no malice in his words. He didn’t look at me like I was something to be owned or broken. The realization made my chest tighten in a way I didn’t fully understand.
I heaved a deep sigh and let my body fall back onto the bed. My eyes drifted to the ceiling as if the answer I sought was written there.
"Moon Goddess," I whispered softly, my voice barely audible in the quiet room, "should I go with him?"
The words lingered in the air, unanswered.
Staying with Noah... the thought alone made my heart stir. It would make my life easier. Safer. Better. I could already imagine a life without constant fear, without walking on eggshells, without pain lurking around every corner. My mind betrayed me then, replaying the memory of his lips against mine, the warmth of that moment, the sincerity behind it.
Heat rushed to my cheeks, and I blushed instantly.
My heart began to beat faster, harder, as if it wanted to escape my chest. I pressed my palm over it, hoping to calm it down, but it only seemed to grow more frantic.
What exactly was wrong with me?
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, frustrated with myself, with my thoughts, with my heart. Grabbing my pillow, I buried my face into it and let out a muffled scream, pouring all my confusion into the fabric. I rolled from one side of the bed to the other, restless, unable to find peace. No matter how much I moved, my mind stayed fixed on what had happened earlier, replaying it over and over like a cruel loop.
Eventually, I stopped moving.
I sat up slowly, the decision forming before I could talk myself out of it. My body seemed to act on its own, as if my heart had taken control. I stood up, my feet touching the floor, and without another thought, my legs carried me out of the room.
Straight to Noah’s room.
"Alright, Vernia," I whispered under my breath as I moved down the corridor, my footsteps quick but careful, "we’re only going to see him to tell him we’ll go with him. That’s all. Not because we want a kiss."
I paused for half a second, trying to convince myself that I meant every word. The truth, however, felt far more tangled than I wanted to admit. It felt less like I was speaking to my wolf and more like I was desperately trying to rein in my own heart.
"Yes," Vernia replied within me, her voice light and teasing, "just to tell him. No kiss."
Even as she said it, I felt her stir excitedly, practically bouncing inside me. Her enthusiasm made my cheeks warm, and I shook my head slightly, as if that alone could silence her. I picked up my pace, my resolve wavering with every step I took closer to his door.
Within minutes, I stood before it.
I didn’t knock.
A small, reckless part of me wanted to catch him off guard. Another, far more embarrassing part of me hoped, foolishly, to see him bare-chested again, to confirm that what I felt earlier hadn’t been imagined. My fingers curled around the door handle, and before I could overthink it, I pushed the door open.
And froze.
It was Noah.
But he wasn’t alone.
Time seemed to shatter in that instant, each second stretching painfully as the scene before me carved itself into my chest. Noah was entangled with Anabel, her body pressed close to his, her hands roaming his barely exposed chest. His lips were on hers, devouring her hungrily, just as they had devoured mine earlier. The same urgency. The same intensity. The same hunger.
My breath hitched sharply.
It felt as though a million needles pierced straight through my heart at once, sharp and unforgiving. The ache was instant, overwhelming, stealing the strength from my limbs. My vision blurred as tears rushed to my eyes, moisture gathering faster than I could stop it. I hadn’t realized how fragile I was until that very moment.
"Noah," I called out, my voice trembling despite my effort to keep it steady.
He jerked away immediately, pushing Anabel aside as if he’d been burned. His eyes snapped to mine, wide and startled, and he stared at me as though I were something unreal, like I might disappear if he blinked. For a brief second, neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed.
That second was enough to break me.
Reality came crashing down all at once, and with it, humiliation, pain, and a deep, unbearable sense of foolishness. What had I expected? That he would be waiting for me? That the kiss we shared meant more than it clearly did?
I gathered what little strength I had left, turned sharply on my heel, and fled the room. I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. If I did, I was certain I would fall apart right there, in front of him, in front of her.
Behind me, I heard hurried footsteps.
"Maria, please wait!" Noah called out, his voice strained and desperate as he chased after me.
But I didn’t stop.
Tears spilled freely now, streaking down my cheeks as I ran, my heart pounding painfully in my chest. Every step felt like I was running away from more than just him, I was running from hope, from trust, from the foolish belief that I could ever be chosen.
And no matter how loudly he called my name, I kept going.
What was I even thinking?
The question echoed mercilessly in my head as I ran, each step heavier than the last. How could I have been so careless, so stupid, to forget what I already knew? I had heard it clearly. I hadn’t imagined it. Noah was engaged to Anabel. Engaged. Bound by promises that had nothing to do with me.
If he were ever forced to choose—if it ever came down to that—he would choose her.
Of course he would.
"I am so foolish," I screamed silently within my mind, the words sharp and unforgiving, tearing into me as tears streamed freely down my cheeks. My vision blurred, the corridor ahead of me melting into streaks of light and shadow, but I didn’t slow down. I couldn’t. Slowing down meant thinking, and thinking meant breaking.
My chest burned with every breath I took, my lungs aching as though they were filled with fire instead of air. My heart thudded violently against my ribs, not just from the running, but from the pain, raw, humiliating, and deep. I wiped at my eyes angrily, but it was useless. The tears kept coming, betraying me just as my heart had.
I kept running.
I didn’t want to face him. I didn’t want to hear his explanations, didn’t want to see that look in his eyes, the one that would be filled with pity or guilt. Worse still, I didn’t want him to see me like this: weak, shattered, and foolishly hopeful over something that was never mine to begin with.
Footsteps echoed behind me, growing louder.
"Maria, please wait!" I heard him call out again, his voice clearer now, closer than before.
The sound of my name from his lips only made the ache worse.
I bit down hard on my lower lip, tasting salt and something metallic, and pushed myself to move faster. My legs screamed in protest, my body begging me to stop, but I refused to listen. I gathered every ounce of strength I had left and increased my pace, desperation fueling me more than reason ever could.
I wouldn’t stop.
Not for him.
Not for the man who could kiss me with such intensity only to turn around and entangle himself with another. Not for the man who belonged to someone else.
The distance between us stretched and shrank all at once, but I focused only on the path ahead, on putting as much space as possible between my heart and the source of its pain. Even as he called out again, even as his presence lingered just behind me, I ran, because stopping would mean facing the truth, and right now, that truth hurt too much to bear.