(Alnilam)

Every sense heightens for me.

Every breath hurts as if the oxygen has ended in this world and my lungs have been filled with thorns.

Every scent disappears, except the exhilarating scent of her—citrus blooming in a sunny groove.

It calls me like a mythical lore, an enchanted melody, the one impossible to resist and yet I don’t move.

Every colour turns grey while she appears sun-kissed, glowing as if the essence of sunlight has been soaked into her skin.

The gold threads as fine as a spider’s web seem to extend from her and reach into my heart.

Binding it, filling it with an endless amount of love, unfiltered emotions, obsession, fixation, yearning and feelings I have never grappled with before.

Can she see them?

Can she feel them?

Can she feel me?

My body turns to stone, my magic and wolf wage a war inside me.

"Mate, I knew she was our mate. Get to our mate..." Snow howls, repeats and then howls again.

My body turns volatile, like the dangerous chemicals Jamina is making them mix—ready to explode any second.

Amaia’s widened eyes stare back at me with a softness and wonderment.

I try but I can’t look away. My body involuntarily shakes from the experience of finding my mate in this fashion.

"Alni!"Jamina’s voice seems to come from some faraway well. It grates on my senses making Snow even more hostile.

Everyone is staring at me as I continue to stare at my mate. The most beautiful and perfect woman in the world for me.

Murmurs begin and Jamina’s hand lands on my shoulder. She calls my name again, trying to get my attention towards her.

The desire to swat the hand of any woman who is not my mate has deeply rooted itself in my fragile heart.

"What’s wrong?" Jamina questions. My gaze refuses to shift but I can’t make a mockery of us all.

I have to leave. I have to get away and think.

Sharply, I turn, the map crumples in my hand as my hand tightens into a fist, and I leave the room before Snow would wolf out and do something stupid like jumping over Amaia and marking her.

The alpha werewolves are more possessive this way. Mine, being the oldest among my brothers, is stronger and more unpredictable.

Instead of claiming her, I run away from that place as if staying would make me suffocate.

My heart palpitates. A permanent stabbing pain resides in it. The restless newly formed matebond calls me towards her. I can sense her confusion.

The irony of the situation makes my jaw lock, and anger rises like a tsunami wave, ready to devour whatever stands in its way.

I don’t know how I make my way to my office and lock myself inside. My shaking legs finally give way, and I drop to the ground. My back touches the closed door of my office.

The map slips from my hand, crumpling to the floor beside me. Tilting my head back, I bang it on the hardwood.

Amaia!

The band holding my hair snaps with a blast and they set themselves free, falling all around me—mourning, appearing utterly lifeless. I am amazed they remained contained in front of her and didn’t reach out to wrap themselves around her.

They reflect my emotions, but they are lost at this new revelation, though.

Everything makes perfect sense now. That attraction my wolf and magic feel for her from the very beginning.

That pull she has on me. No matter what I try or how desperately I want to stay away from her, the sinful thoughts always cloud my brain.

Amaia is my mate...

I always wanted a mate, but why of all the women in the world did I receive the one mated to my brothers and Ezran? They are already going to be having a hard time adjusting with one mate, where will I even fit in that equation?

I can’t do that to my brothers. Alnitak and Mintaka will be able to share her because they are twins but how will I?

My thoughts shift towards another woman.

Jamina!

My best friend, my chosen mate, my fiancée. I chose her and made a promise of marriage.

What kind of man would I be to abandon her?

Will she even be able to survive if I walk away?

I can’t let Jamina suffer because of my selfish desire to have a mate. Amaia is not just any mate, she is complicated.

I can be her protector but I can’t be her lover. She is meant for my brothers.

The very thoughts bombard the matebond with my guilt and shame.

So many ramblings, so many overwhelming feelings and emotions.

I am suffocating, I can’t breathe. The pain radiates in my shoulder blades.

I have to get out of here. Getting up I begin to remove my uniform when a new mindlink opens in my brain. Amaia’s melodious voice, which makes my knees shake and my heart dance, comes through the mindlink.

"Alnilam!" She calls me by my name. It’s the first time I have heard her calling me like that.

Snow jumps and dances in my head. "We have established a mindlink with our mate."

"Alnilam, I know you can hear me. Please answer me," her desperate voice comes through and I almost crumble to my knees.

I can’t, if I listen to her in this vulnerable state, I will surely give in and accept her.

I need to clear my head without having her inside it.

Turning my heart to stone, I turn off the mindlink with Amaia, putting this barrier between us so she won’t be able to reach me.

"You are heartless, Alnilam. You are making a wrong decision," Snow painfully says when he is unable to reach his mate.

"I need time to think. Let’s go for a run."

Urging him, I shed all my clothes and let Snow finally take over. For a few hours I want to disappear and just let Snow run wild and come to a decision.

But, I know, the best thing to do for all of us will be for me to willingly separate from Amaia. A consensual rejection.

Will she agree though?