(Alnilam)

I have to leave. After that interaction with Amaia and Jamina, I find myself at a painful crossroads.

Amaia’s torment absorbs in my heart, and Jamina’s tears fuel my distress which makes me blast my room.

What is this new surge of power? I have never felt this before. My magic has been acting weird lately especially from the moment it has come in contact with Amaia’s. It has been acting up, showing and revealing powers I didn’t know I had.

I need to get away and think.

Not only that, I want to pay a visit to Tarian and Huradis and unveil all the truths about Amaia.

Alnitak comes at the very moment I decide to head out, leaving my room in such a state.

Worries cloud his ever-smiling face as he takes in the state of the room and then his concerned eyes sweep over me.

"You good?"

"Yes! But I am leaving for a few days. Don’t cause any trouble." Grabbing my Enforcer uniform I lay it out on the bed, ready to change.

"Leaving? Or running away because you don’t want to face Amaia and the truth," he sternly asks, placing his hands on his waist.

"Whatever you want to think." I try to make my disinterest visible in my words but I don’t think I succeed.

"You realise you are hurting her. She just had a nightmare and woke up shaking and in fear because of you. Why have you suddenly become so heartless?"

That is a question I have asked myself countless times too. Why does it happen like a switch turns off in my brain, and that deep care I carry for others I try to bury? My emotions disappear, and I can’t even reach them.

But today it’s different. Not only can I sense Amaia’s emotions but her angst too. Her sufferings are making my heart so restless that I want to fly away, putting so much distance between her and me that I stop feeling.

"I don’t have time for this. You guys are here to take care of her, I have places to be."

Alnitak steps closer and grabs my arm, jerking me so I can face him.

"I am not going to let anyone hurt her anymore. Even if it’s my own brother. She has been through enough and is going through immense pain. You need to decide."

I pry away his fingers and set myself free from his hold. My anger is spiking.

"What do you want me to do exactly?"

"Accept that she is your mate, for starters." Alnitak’s nostrils flare and I just want to get this done with.

"Fine, she is. I recognised the mate bond with her. Happy?" My voice comes out shrill and annoyed but my heart turns to mush because of all the feelings Amaia invokes inside me.

Alnitak’s nostrils widen and several ridges form on his forehead.

"At least you admit. I hope you will stop hurting her because I have witnessed the pain episodes she has because of you." He bangs his chest in frustration. "I am left to deal with the damage all of you inflict on her. Every one of you has hurt her, physically and emotionally. Just fucking stop."

Alnitak and his heart of gold, only he truly deserves her.

The guilt of what she has gone through because of me consumes me like rust on a forgotten blade. I know there is no forgiveness for me but she won’t suffer anymore. Just one last time and then she could have peace with my brothers.

"What do you want me to do? Break my engagement with Jamina and accept

Amaia so we can fuck her together? Is that what you want?"

Alnitak’s hands tighten into small balls, the rage consumes him. If I hadn’t been his brother, he would have punched me by now.

"Are you being real right now? Mate bond is so much more than just fucking someone. Even Ezran regards her better than you and does not see her as an object to fuck." He shakes his head at me. My brother is disappointed. He drops one last comment and it’s like a dagger in my wounded heart.

"You don’t deserve her. I am beyond disappointed."

"Yes, I don’t. That’s why I have decided to reject her when I get back. Until then, I won’t touch Jamina, so don’t worry Amaia won’t feel any pain. But, she is better off with the three of you." A blinding pain ripples down the bond at my decision and it almost makes me bend over.

Snow is not even speaking to me but his miserable howl echoes in my mind. A chaos my magic is creating.

"I never thought you would turn into such a coward. I looked up to you. When you made us take that Blood Oath, I thought you genuinely cared for her."

I do care for her deeply. That feeling I can’t even explain. The way her thoughts consume me, the way my magic seeks her out. The way my body craves her. Even before the mate bond, this unexplainable pull fascinated me.

Now that I know she is my mate, I can’t have her without hurting others. My wolf will hurt my brothers, since Snow is much stronger than their wolves, he will show dominance.

And Jamina...what will I even do about her?

"Blood Oath is necessary to protect her. We can’t have anyone finding out her true identity so keep her safe. But I can’t accept her as my mate." My hands shake as I grab my uniform from the bed and I hope Alnitak doesn’t notice. 𝚏𝐫𝚎𝗲𝕨𝐞𝐛𝕟𝚘𝐯𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝗺

Fuming and dissatisfied with the conversation we had, my brother stomped his foot on the ground once and left the room.

Once the door closes, I let the facade drop. My knees hit the ground as I lose all strength.

My brain takes me back to my childhood.

"Get up, don’t be a disappointment." The hilt of the sword hits my ribs.

"You must make sacrifices for your brothers." I stagger to my feet and face my enraged father.

"Your life is not only yours. You are going to be the king one day, make choices that won’t reflect poorly on us," he continued his advice while he taught me how to properly use a sword.

Every failure resulted in mockery, beatings, humiliation. The till of what happened with my brothers changed my father and I become an easy target for him to vent his anger and resentment.

Another flashback.

"Jamina is a good choice. She comes from a reputable family and will make an excellent queen. Don’t go chasing love now, do your duty. Be a man."

His words echo in my mind again, and they don’t only feel like words; they sound like a command I can’t get out of.

He had never wanted for me to find my mate but settle, too afraid that she could be a low born.

I stagger to my feet and begin to change my clothes with my heart shredded.

It’s time to take out my anger on someone, and who better than the people from her past?