Jarek.

It took me approximately three hours to get all I needed done, and by the time all that was over and I was rounding up with my lawyer, I already felt weak. Too weak.

I already knew that there was no way I could get to see Leilani one more time, especially not like this.

And I knew, goddess I knew that she wouldn’t forgive me so easily for what I am about to do.

My chest felt heavy as I glanced up at my lawyer through blurry eyes. I lifted my hands slowly, shocked when he caught them and shoved his face into them.

I was trembling from all the pain but I felt his own trembling even more. And goddess, he was doing everything possible not to burst out crying.

"Alpha," when he said those words, they came off as a whisper. Hell, he didn’t even sound like the sturdy, arrogant prick I have grown to know, respect and work with for so long. His trembling fingers came to wipe the sweat off my forehead and his lips moved even before his voice could slip through.

He muttered; "Is there no other way?"

I sighed but even doing that felt so tedious, my chest ached tremendously. "There is... but I don’t want it."

"Alpha..."

"All I ask of you is that you uphold my wishes and that you guide her just as you guided me."

"Yes, Alpha."

By saying the word ’her’, I meant Leilani. I meant the woman who managed to keep me sane when I would’ve gone feral many months ago. The thought that I would not see her... that I couldn’t bring myself to see her made me feel like a piece of shit. It made my chest burn with emotions so raw, my throat instantly felt clogged.

When I turned to look at the lawyer one more time, my vision had gone blurry. My ears wouldn’t stop ringing and an indescribable pain wouldn’t stop searing its way through every fucking part of my body.

I opened my mouth to speak but because the pain I felt was too great, I could only clamp it back shut and whispered;

"Thank you,"

He nodded.

"Thank you for coming in such short notice... and thank you for what you intend to do afterwards."

My eyes darted to the door as I spoke and for a very brief moment, I imagined Leilani walking into the room, her wild silvery hair flowing around her small smooth face and her legs crisscrossing in that dainty manner that makes her look like she is cat walking even when she isn’t.

The image was false but my eyes rested on it for a moment too long and then I sighed;

"Leilani, I am sorry. I love you. I always will."

Those were the last words I said before my heart failed.

And I mean that.

It literally failed.

It began to beat so fast until I could no longer feel it or hear its extremely fast rhythm in my head.

My skin broke out in cold sweat with goosebumps spreading all over my body.

But I didn’t feel any pain.

I didn’t feel panic or sadness (maybe I was a little sad), especially due to the loud beeping sounds of the machines connected to my body.

However, what I felt the most at the time was peace. Peace from the horrendous pain I had been forced to endure for too long in the hands of my estranged mate. Peace from all the grief, the sadness, the burdens and... the longing I’ve felt for most of my life.

—And there was nothing I found more painful than loving a woman for so long, building her, helping her, and waiting for her to come around, only to lose her one more time to the same people who had almost broken her in the first place.

"Alpha..." my lawyer’s voice slipped into my foggy mind, but by this time, I was already a little too far gone.

I was already drifting in the small space stuck between life and the life beyond.

My grip on his face slowly loosened and my hands dropped from his sweat-slicked skin to fall limply by my sides.

"Tell her I loved her..." I murmured under my breath, unsure if he heard me or not, and before he could even respond, I let my eyes drift close and then I slipped into oblivion... one that was too peaceful to pass up on.

And one that I would’ve regretted instantly if I hadn’t seen my sister, Grace, standing at about a few yards away and waving me over with the brightest smile to ever exist on her face.

Her eyes lit up when they found mine and I found myself slowly making my way towards her despite myself.

"Come quickly!" She exclaimed, "I have missed you, mother too!"

And at the mention of mother’s name, I quickened my footsteps, blissfully ignoring the increasingly loud beeping sounds right behind me.

—and also not stopping to consider the kind of toll my actions would take on Leilani.

And I know that it would.

It would be a lot.

—

Leilani.

"We’re sorry,"

Those words sounded like something straight out of a horror movie. It sounded like one of those... you know... echoes that stay with you because they have scarred you so deeply, you could hardly remember how beautiful life had been before you heard them.

I staggered on my feet, my ears ringing with a kind of white noise that was impossible to ignore and muttered through gritted teeth; "What did you just say? What do you mean?"

"That we’re sorry," he said again, unable to look me in the eyes. "We did all we could, I swear we really did, but they were not enough. Nothing was, especially for a patient who was determined to pass on."

’Pass on’ he said so casually like he was talking about a person who had simply taken a stroll to the next street.

’Pass on’ like it wasn’t Jarek— my Jarek— that we were talking about here.

For a couple of seconds, nothing made sense to me anymore. Not the ache in my chest. Not the constant ringing in my ears and definitely not the gibberish the doctor has just said.

I pushed myself away from Zevran and his other brothers who tried to hold on to me. I also pushed past the doctor and the lawyer who for some reason had both started talking at the same time.

My legs trembled as I made my way to the closed door— Jarek’s door— and pushed it open.

And goddess the tenseness in the atmosphere that instantly hit me almost sent me sprawling to the floor. It slammed into my chest like a ton of bricks.

But nothing... absolutely nothing hit more than seeing Jarek on the bed, laying like he was fast asleep.

But his skin was too pale.

His body was too limp.

His chest wasn’t even falling and rising... and his face didn’t light up with a smile when I walked in.

"He’s dead." A nurse said from behind me, and even though I already knew that, it still felt too hard a pill to swallow.

"He’s dead ma’am."